Anger...

... suddenly I am angry.

Wildly, madly angry.

Not with Rich, with God, with the world, or even with the She-Ex, although writing that last post didn't help lol.

With someone.

Currently, that someone is nameless, and his action is unspecified, but I know what it is, and I know what it has denied my son, and I know what it has denied me, and I know that his time will come, when he will wish he hadn't done it.

I suspect, from what he has said, that he wishes that already.

Because if you believe in an afterlife, or in karma, or something like that, then he will have to account for his action one day, whether to God, Rich, or something or someone else.

Oh yes.

More tea.

The sum total...

The blog was started on 12th Feb 2007. She had been gone a year and 5 months by then. We were accused of cutting BG out of our lives, and we wanted a way that she could see pictures, so the blog was born!

And now, I'm writing it, whenever I need to, to let her know what is going on for her Daddy.

195 posts.

1,126 images.

11 comments from her, which had to come via her mother.

It's not her fault - she's a child, and a small one at that for most of it, and someone who found reading and writing really hard.

But this is it. (All as typed in, except I took the names out for their usual acronyms! But the rest, spelling, grammar, punctuation, is as written.)

8.08pm - 13/02/2007

Daddy
mommy just said that you were getting me swimming lessons
thankyou!
and we are going to war
and Rinky-Dink Keeps biting the cats

3.16pm - 28/02/07

Daddy, Ian has a vtech game thing I want one please?
it is a video game that teachers reading and the like
(it is actually different than the leap pad one, and the games are like 1/3 the cost)...

also I really like horses Daddy can i have something horsey like? please?

5.05pm 12/08/08

tell ac, bg is really proud of him

9.35pm - 13/08/2008

those are very cute names for cats

they lool almost like spot

3.02pm - 30/08/08

i liked the pictures daddy

it looked just like war, but green and less muddy!

7.02pm 28/09/2008

like the leathers Daddy

2.34pm - 04-10-2008

i'm sorry your fish died

4.16pm - 04/01/2009

where are the presents of what i got you?

11.34pm 03/09/2009

rachel says it's very nice it's a good idea and it sounds great

1.19am 23/03/2009

I got a ten plus on my spelling test, and i'm really happy

and Mrs Porter gives us candy when that happens.

well done ac for growing up and having to raise your seat

1.23am 23/03/2009

i did the cutting between the blocks when grandma was making a quilt for balthazars babys

I was a good on my spelling test i have a ten plus sarah

I was looking because I wanted to be sure we had done all we could for her to keep her in touch with our every day lives. We did. I am happy that we did our part. I don't know how many blogs she read - certainly she had no idea what Rich was talking about sometimes, but children forget.... I guess... - and I don't know how many she's read since he died, or how many she will read.

I'm glad they are there though, because in the future, she can see what her Daddy really was like, and that will make it all worth it.