Today is the solstice.
Or yesterday.
I think it depends what you think. Anyway, it was today for us.
Carefully, I did nothing, except write on his FB wall.
Nothing except suddenly hear J telling people at his work how careful and thrifty and fabulous I am in the kitchen. About how the custard and cake I had taken to his work woul dbe the first thing he's had out of a tin in months. About how good my cooking is.
It was so.... affirming, I suppose. I love that he respects what I do, and loves me.
I'm so lucky I can be in this place again in my life, differently, but with a wonderful man who cherishes me.
I still cry, randomly, for the life I should have had, for the children I should have had, for the relationship with BG that I should have had. I know I won't hear anything about the advent calendar I sent this year. (If I knew it was getting there then I'd put something in it for her to buy herself a present, I have no idea what a 9 year old girl wants lol!)
The AC is checking the curtains every 5 minutes to see if J is home. This is a really random post. I can't get my feelings onto paper at the moment. It's like a physical blockage in my arms or something, like I'm choking in my nerves.
Well, now I sound like a fruit loop.
More sleep is probably in order, and maybe some relaxing! I'll try again later.
