Monday, December 28, 2009


I want to write about this later, but I thought I'd forget if I didn't store it here....

I don't want to think about that....

It's a new day, new week, but not a New Year yet.

That's later.  Maybe Thursday.

It's back to school this time next week, and there I things I need to do, but I'm not thinking about that yet.
The boys will be back to work this time next week, and there are things to be done, but I'm not thinking about that yet.
There's paperwork that needs sorting and dealing with, and all sorts, and some of that will get done this week, but not today, and I'm not thinking about that yet.

Today, I'm cleaning house.

I have noticed that whenever something major has to be done, I lose about 4 days.  On Monday I picked up the Death Certificate for Rich. I promptly spend 4 evenings, sat on the sofa, doing nothing.  I seemed to only respond, and act, when there was someone else around.  I've been assured it's normal and so forth, and to take my time with doing things, so that's what I'm doing.

I've been told to only think about what I need to think about, and not allow myself to get made upset by anyone.  After all, I am in charge of my own self, my own emotions, my own life.  I exercised that choice on Boxing Day, when, the day after our first Christmas Day without Rich, I woke up to an email from the She-Ex telling me interesting and cool stuff, which was froody, and asking for a DC.  I let her know that I wasn't thinking about all that side of my life over the holidays, because, well, I'm not.  It's been a pretty emotional one, but it's cool.  The email I got in reply was that I was to "forget about myself and send the darn thing"

Well, I know what's happening to the DC, I know all the places it has to go, (well, they, there's 3) and she will get the thing she needs.  It won't change anything for her, and it's having to sort out a lot of the rubbish that she's left me to deal with over here.  I mean, who the heck owes £200 to Dairy Crest?  Not me.  But who has to deal with it?  Not her.

So I'm dealing with it all in my own time, as I feel ready and capable.  There's no time limits for me on anything, it just all has to get done eventually, and it will.

However, not today.

Today is for me and my house, and 3 gallons of bleach. (Ok, it's not *that* minging, but it's pretty untidy!)