Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Emails

I was right.

(LOL! Are we all ready to LOL?)

BG didn't need the Ritalin that her mother said she did, doesn't have ADHD as her mother said she did, and in fact, all she needed was a better diet, which is what her new school has managed.  Rich and I said that she was eating too much rubbish, too many e-numbers and additives, and were told how wrong we were.  In fact, in December I got......

I'll just have to point out again.

that because of your "certian order" things

Rachels medication she desperately needs will be altered to a less expensive and perhaps not as effective


rachel was diagnosed with adhd today

thank you guys SO MUCH for fighting me for three years on this.

she could have been having help all this time
but NO i was just loosing my mind and not being a good parent and i believe richards phrase was "doing a piss poor job"

But she doesn't so desperately need it and I am so glad because it does such awful things to children, particularly female brains.

Anyway, that's an old email.  The new ones are more or less "I want a death certificate, but here's some news about BG so that you think I care and then you'll send it." progressing to this comment on my blog, which was the last one I received and which


SInce you will not answer my letters perhaps you will here


i have to have it to file my taxes thank you very much

the deadline is in LESS than three weeks.

and i HAVE TO HAVE IT DONE by then,

i asked you for it in january, you said "oh well then since it's not urgent'

well now it is.


thank you very much.

But as she's already said she's getting one from I-t-B, I don't need to bother.  (You know, I still can't think about him without thinking about the Ian-and-me rumour/lie, because it can only have started in one of two places lol!)

In fact the phrase was....  "btw, don't worry about the death certificate. Ian is getting me one, hold on to the precious thing, for whatever reason you are holding on to it."

At the end of the day though, what matters is that the BG is doing well.  Although she was started in the first grade again (so I guess she's a year behind, which means her scores are skewed I suppose?)  which was what the old school wanted to do, and the She-Ex said no.  We said yes, but the She-Ex overruled us by simply not telling Rich about it until it was all done and dusted.  So she's started in the First grade again, so she's now in the same school year as the AC, but 14 months older.

Yesterdays email, started because an idiot hacked my mail and she was one of the people who got the spam, was this.

I realize you might not want to hear this, but it looks like your email has been hacked.

Btw..if you've read the emails, you should be aware that rachel made student of the month in feb...and the honor roll this year...straight a's and b's...

so i guess it really wasn't me being a bad parent...the only thing in this situation  that has changed, is the school.

hope you are happy.


Why wouldn't I be happy that the BG is finally getting somewhere with her education? I love her, I will always love her, and wonder about her.  Apparently she's doing really well.  And she's doing well because they've seen a nutritionist, they've taken her *off* the dope, (and according to the almost last email, it was the school that wanted her on it, not the She-Ex!) her mother isn't hysterically swearing and screaming at her father every other week,  the school are supportive apparently, and  her last years teacher wasn't as good as her first years teacher, who was and still is absolutely marvelous, but struggled with the factual differences of what Rich and the She-ex both told her. (The SCA event was a classic!)  Even this email though, has to throw down a gauntlet.  Still has to try and say that I was wrong, that Rich was wrong, and that it was all someone else's fault and not hers for the effects of her choices on the child.

None of that matters though.  

What matters is she is still a little girl without a living and loving father, that she hasn't seen her father since 2005 because of the choices of the adults around her, and that she will never know what a wonderful man he was.  The AC and J were talking about him yesterday, and how he played with the AC and did homework with him and things like that, and how J can't at the moment, because the long drive to and from work really knocks it out of him.  AC pointed out that Rich used to do exactly the same drive, but we all agreed that he didn't have the T-Boy to look after between work and home, so it was a lot less tiring.  The AC knows, I know, that we are incredibly lucky to have another chance like this one, to have another man in our lives who, whilst he can't fill Rich's boots, he can put his shoes next to them with pride.  One day I will show her where the last of his ashes were scattered at Year and A Day, and tell her of the wonderful man he was, and how good a father he would have been, given the chance.  I will also tell her how hard her mother tried to be a good mother, how much she fought for what she thought was the right thing for her daughter, and how the past is so many different things to so many different people.

But, as they say, this isn't getting the job done.  This is sitting and navel gazing lol.  The past cannot be changed.  The future can only be looked forward to, and I do.  Why shouldn't I?

I'm 35 - that cannot be changed lol.
I'm fit and active and today will walk 2 miles to a course and 2 miles home again, just because it needs doing.
I can fit into a size 10 with a cheerful face.
I have lots of friends.
I have a selection of really best friends, IRL and on-line whom I can call in a heartbeat.
I have the warm memories of a man I love, who raised my son with pride and skill, and who loves us and always will.
I have the love of another man, whom I love in a different way to Rich - but then if there's one thing I know it's that everyone has their own kind of love to give, and to get.
I have a son who loves us, who is secure in his grief, who can see beyond it, who isn't badly behaved because of it, who  has a steady home life and a steady school life.
I have a job I love that pays the bills, and that enthralls me so much I'm doing the start of my masters in September.
I can work, cook, bake, sew, smile and love, all in the same day!
I have lots and lots of reasons to be cheerful.

(aside from the idiot who hacked my email, but I've dealt with that.)