Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's later on.

Really, it is.

I've done my work for the evening. I've created a 60 page flipchart (think powerpoint but child friendly - if you are really interested, look here) and before anyone faints in a "Death by Powerpoint" kind of way, it's to last the whole day, and about 24 of those slides are brain gym ones, of which 12 have a specific vestibular focus for JF, and the rest are just what we are doing in our lessons.

I'm enjoying having everything mapped out. The children are enjoying having everything mapped out. We both like knowing what we are doing, but, and here's the big thing, if we decide to change our minds, we just go to the end of the flipchart, stick on another blank screen, and away we go! We're good like that.

I have also fed all the animals, fielded calls about the town race and How It Will Affect Church on Sunday, completed the notices to print at school tomorrow, (yes, school do know!) eaten toast for tea, and thought about doing lots of other stuff.

And had a long, long conversation with my dad, that in many ways was really quite upsetting. He wasn't trying to upset me. He wouldn't. We have a good relationship, and we love each other a lot, but I know, and I fight it when I see it in me, I know that he is as egocentric as they come. The world revolves around my Dad, in his eyes, and it's not because he makes it do so, he is just determined to do his things, his way. No one has ever felt like he does, and the feelings induced in him by other people are stronger than anything anyone else has ever had.

That and the fact he seems to think that Grandad is still around. To be honest, I wouldn't put it past Grandad. His death would heave been seen, by him, as something of a minor annoyance, but as we talked about tonight, it was fitting that he died on Ascension Sunday, as he had such a mighty faith, without being pushy, had such a wonderful attitude and pride in himself (without arrogance) that he would be straight to Heaven. Me, I have faith that the love of God and the Grace of He who died will allow me in. I also expect my Grandad felt the same way, he was nothing if not humble.

But yeah, Dad seems to be thinking that he still feels Grandad around, which is fine.

But now I'm sleepy.

I'll finish this tomorrow, rather than think too much tonight.

I've emailed the She-Ex to say thankyou, but there is no reply to that or the email I sent about the money as yet. I'm waiting on a reply from her teacher as well, for R to see when he gets in. And the He-Ex has stopped texting.

I shall transcribe tomorrow I expect.

night ngiht all!

I am not going to blog.

I am going to work.

I am so close to having a whole week where I have kept stuff up together for work.

Ok, so home hasn't done so well out of that, but nowhere is an utter disaster.

And I'm getting odd texts from the He-Ex, but some fairly nice photos of the BG getting her hair cut from the She-Ex. I have thanked her for them, and I also emailed her this morning to say that the maintainance might be due on Thursday next week, but it won't be going to her until Saturday as that's the earliest R can do it. As that's what we were asked to do, I'm happy for that to happen.

I feel petty, but I refuse to be dragged in, and then accused of interfering when it was just me doing the things I was asked to do.

And honestly.

I'm not blogging.

See me work!

Sleepy people can't write

I went up last night with the intention of blogging from the warmth of my bed. But then R phoned, and so I chatted to him and almost went to sleep on the phone so I turned everything off and went to sleep about 2230.

Actually I had turned the light off before that, and I was just lying in bed, listening to his voice. I love his voice. It is so warm and loving and has never had an angry word that has been directed at me. Even when he's angry at one of the Ex's, or at work, or at life, he's never angry at me, and he makes sure I know it. He'll tell me flat out, "It's not you my darling, it's x or y or z!" and I appreciate that. I was lyingin the dark, listening to him, and it was as though he was there (if you discount the cold bed and the crackly line and so on!) and when he said "Goodnight my love." like he always does before we go to sleep, I almost cried. But I didn't, for I am a strong independent woman blah blah blah. I am, but I also love my man to the ends of the Earth, and his place is by my side, just as mine is by his. He always says "Goodnight my love" even when he thinks I'm asleep.

We often curl up together in the dark and talk. I want to talk to him tonight like that, so badly, but I can wait. That's life in the blue suit as they say. I want to feel his reassuring touch on my body, feel his arms enfold me as he holds me and protects me from the world. Today, I feel small, and vulnerable, and sad. Today I want him by me, to shelter me the way I shelter him, to be that barrier between me and the stupidness of the world, in the way we do for each other and for the AC.

Not today though chaps. Not until at least tomorrow, hopefully.

As you can tell Dear Reader, I'm missing R like mad.

I'm off for a shower before one of us is sick.