I am fluey.
Actually, now I am coldy. Last night I was definitely fluey. I had the whole thing, temperature, sweats, aches, dizziness, the works.
I was so poorly, we ordered in tea. (Indian, for anyone interested!) We rarely do that, because it's better and healthier and more enjoyable for me to cook, but sometimes, like when the head chef can't stand up, sometimes you have to order in.
Today though, I'm fine. I have a cold. I'm not ill like last night. I shall man up and carry on lol!
I did have some trouble sleeping though, and took some time to read some twitter and retweet some things that made me laugh. Probably I could get accused of being fattist. Presumably that would be from overweight people in denial of their own responsibility for their fatness.
Before anyone gets up on their high (and hopefully reinforced) horse, I am fully aware, as are any regular readers, that I am considered overweight. I'm 11st 2lb at 5ft3. I could blame my knee, as the nurse has done, but really, I must blame me. After all, I put food into my mouth. I put sugar in my tea. I make the choices to either get fatter, or to control what goes in me.
That's just logical.
However, the trending hashtag was "uglypeopleexcuses" and some of the responses to them really made me laugh. Out loud. At 3 am.
"I'm not fat, I'm big boned" (bones don't jiggle)
"I'm only single because I'm playing hard to get" (No, you're single because you're hard to want)
and so on.
There was the initial comment in the "" and then someones response in the ( ). Now, I have worked with some seriously malformed children. They are, in no uncertain terms, by societies standards, not pretty. They were however, gorgeous people.
But it's the excuses part of it that I want to think about.
We make excuses for all sorts of things. "I can't do x because y" and y is never real when it's an excuse.
You're fat - because you eat too much and sit about on your lazy fat backside all day.
You're single - because you are twisted inside and nobody wants you until you want you.
Your home is a pit - because you are lazy and have no self respect.
You can't keep a job - because you are lazy, have poor personal hygiene, because you have no self respect.
Your child is rude to you - because you don't teach them properly, you want to be the friend and not the parent, because you live vicariously through your child because you have no self respect.
And so on.
All of these things come down to self respect, to loving ones self, to grokking oneself (You should read Stranger In a Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein to truly get this, but then you should read it anyway. It's thought altering.)
Until we have self respect, we cannot appreciate the fact that others have self respect, and so we trample on the thoughts and dreams of others through our own selfishness. We remake history to suit ourselves because we are ashamed of our past and so we cover it up - we don't respect ourselves enough to accept the truth of who and what we are.
Until we accept who and what we are, we can't change who and what we are. Self respect isn't about going "I'm perfect. I accept my perfection!" (unless you are HM Queen, who clearly is perfect!) it's about accepting your faults and dealing with them.
Until you know who you are, you can't deal with your faults in the way that is the right way for you, because all you can see is the right way for other people.
For example. (and this is true people!)
PROBLEM - I am disorganised with my lesson planning.
EXCUSE - I am disorganised because I don't have time to do everything, because I don't like the way the school do things when they plan a week ahead, because I have a difficult class, because.............. STOP! Those are excuses. There is no need for excuses. They perpetuate the same behaviour over and over again.
KNOWING MYSELF - I know that since Rich died, I find it hard to think ahead. I am very aware that there may not be a tomorrow. I am somewhat paranoid about this. I am happy in that if I die I am confident in what happens next, but trust me, if I die, I won't be hanging about school in an attempt to teach literacy. I also know that I enjoy spending time with my son and J, and that I am aware that I lost time with Rich because I was working or he was working.
RESPONDING TO KNOWING MYSELF
(theory) - I have to be able to think about what I am going to do.
(Practical) I got myself a day book, so I can plan a day in advance.
(result) I can show any of the management that I am aware of where my children's work is heading to.
(theory) I have to let others know what we are doing.
(Practical) I have created and been using, lesson observation sheets for my TA's to use.
(result) More observations have been done, we are all better aware of what the children can do, this informs my planning, and the TA's feel comfortable knowing what they have to do.
AS a bonus, my class are not having the time to be difficult because they are being well paced through a range of lessons because I am more well planned.
Obviously there is room for improvement. Always. But if I didn't know and accept myself, if I didn't ditch the excuses, I'd still be disorganised in the classroom and stuck in the problem and caught up in all the excuses.
Now I need to apply this to my weight - because there are no excuses for me to be over weight as I am. It might only be a few pounds, but I have to know myself to get rid of them.
This post came a long way from being about a cold, but there we go. I refuse to plan my posts as well as my lessons lol!