Saturday, December 19, 2009


I didn't post yesterday.

Partly, I didn't know what to say.  It was the last day of term, the same as when Rich died, but at the same time it was such a weird day.

SNOW DAY!  Obviously we went in to school - it wasn't shut, and it's kind of my job to educate children, but the AC discovered how great it is to be a teachers child.

He had a whole playground of snow to play in for the first 30 minutes before children started arriving.

No, I don't know what happened to his legs here!

Someone at school was talking about how it must be hard to have snow when Rich and I had such good fun in the snow earlier this year.  Yes, it hurts, but what will I do?  Ban snow?  Stop my child playing and having fun just because it hurts me?


Life is for living people.  Rich took me from the depression of 2 failed marriages, and he showed me how to live life to the max.

Ok, it was our kind of max,  but it was fabulous.  He held me up, supported me and loves me in a way that will always amaze me.  I will never understand why he was single when he was, but I'm glad, because it made space for me.

It's why we will have a good Solstice, Christmas, New Year, holidays, birthday, half term, Easter, and so on until we get to a year of his being gone.  I cannot cry for a year, even though my heart breaks inside me when I see his pictures, remember his words, remember the feel of him touching me.  I cannot, and I will not. 

Our love is worth more than that.