Thursday, April 30, 2009

Pollyanna starts the day.

I'm in a Pollyanna-ish mood today.

I am looking for the Glad in everything.

So, even though it was QUARTER TO MIDNIGHT I'm glad that BG phoned last night. Even if she didn't have a lot to say because her mother was there and it will take the BG weeks, again, to get over Sundays shouting and other bad behaviour from her mother to her father. We'll see what she's like on Friday, when we phone, and someone answers at the right time. (See, still optimistic!) I don't know if the She-Ex gave R a reason for either not answering or phoning at STUPID o'clock, but I doubt it. I mean, a few weeks ago she phoned to tell us that someone we didn't even know was having a problem. But this week, not even an email to let us know BG's call would be late, or whatever.




She cannot help it. There was no malice, just ignorance.

So, even though Espresso Man has CANCELLED AGAIN for Friday, I am glad that he has a lovely job that calls him to London, because this is kind of a pet project for him, and I am glad that he gave us so much notice, and it will give us time as a class to look at the questions again. Although the children will be disappointed. And the work is done when we could have been doing something else.




Mr S cannot help it. His boss needs him.

So, even though the WEATHER IS NOT GOOD today, I am glad because we need some rain on the garden and we need to be relaxed about things we cannot control. Although if it is wet play then the children will try and be dire. But I will be fine and we will manage well.

I can't even try and be calm about this one without laughing. IT's the weather! What's to get stressy about?

In other news, I am going to quickly iron the halves for tonights block sewing, and then I need to pin and tack the blocks together to make the top. Which means taking it to town tomorrow to make sure I get the right amount of wadding and 2 cotton bottoms. And then working out what I do about the binding. I think I know what I'm doing.

And then photographing it all a lot to post on here and a copy of the finished thing to BG (who STILL HASN'T LOOKED AT THE BLOG - calm calm calm calm!) and all is well. I shall pass on my thanks to the She-Ex for the help she offered, although much of it I knew because I've hand quilted before, just not machine quilted. However I wouldn't be so flaming rude as to throw her helpful advice back in her face! She meant to be helpful, and I take it as such.

So a calm day ahead.

No storms, no badness, just calm and gentle behaviours.

Me and the Glad Game are off to start the day.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Of Geese and Wheels and Dishes


I ironed all the triangle squares, then laid out the blocks I had made. Then I set in the squares in the spaces so that they would make blocks, they just weren't sewn together yet, so that I could see how they would go.

and then I went "Hmmm! That looks ok!"

Tonight I have completed the remaining pinwheel blocks, completed the flying geese blocks, and stitched the halves of the broken dishes blocks. It's all good.

The only thing that isn't good is that yet again we phoned BG, and yet again there was no answer.

Oh well, that solves one question for us then!

And so to bed. Sneaking time to Do Things I Shouldn't Do is great. So now I'm going to sneak time and Do Something I Should Most Definately *Do*! ;-)

Sneaking time

I am going to be sneaking time from Other Things I Should Be Doing to do more quilt.

I am loving it. I have also kicked the behind of the credit card company, who have apologised for their error (HA! Tell ME I'm late paying them - I blooming well am not, it's a direct debit you idiots!).

SO far today I am in a much better mood, no tears, no maudlin thoughts, no nothing.

There's no answer from the She-Ex to anything, and there was an apology from the He-Ex for not looking at the bags properly. Anyone would think it was payday tomorrow or something lol!


I think I've done my first APP child. Maybe. I need to speak to the lit co-ord to see if I've done it properly lol.


A sewing I shall go!

Weird day yesterday

I mean weird.

Shortly after yesterdays post I got up and tidied through the kitchen. Then I went to put the rubbish in the bin.

The bin is outside the front door.

The door was locked.

I had no recollection of locking the door! Worse than that, I had no idea where my keys were, after locking the door, on the grounds that I had no idea I had locked the door.

I was logical though. The keys were on top of the toilet, where I had gone prior to my nap, apparently.

In the rest of yesterday, I sewed, and sewed and cut and sewed, and I now have the remainder of the squares cut, stitched across into 2 triangles, and cut again. I fully intend to bang out of school asap tonight, get home, and spend a couple of hours ironing, and making up the blocks.

That leaves me Thursday and Friday to make the top up, Saturday to put the layers together and quilt it, and Sunday to take it over, hopefully.


Today is a good day. I have decided.

Yesterday and today we had a picture of BG to wake up to - well, I did, I'll show him it later on, when I can, although I have thanked her for it, I doubt there will be any response except to say it isn't from him lol!

He-Ex had the AC and a friend of the AC's round to tea last night, and sent them home with the wrong book bags. *genius!* LOL, it happens, all the book bags look the same and need to have a flap lifted to read the name. But AC and Extra Child had a good time, and so the book bags are an irrelevance!

And this was Joe, a couple of days ago, lieing on my lap with his head on the desk, watching me work. I got cramp from working around him, but he's really needing cuddles at the moment, and that's fine.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Just got up!

Yep, you read that correctly!

I'm not feeling so well, and it is my PPA time, so I'm home, and I've just had about a 30 minute nap. Some dappy woman phoned up looking for North Timber, and then when I said no, just rung off! No apology or anything!

Ah well.

So now I'm going to have a cup of tea, and sit quietly for a while, and see where we get to. Tempting as it is to go back to bed, I'm afraid I won't sleep tonight if I do!


No, not LOL, ROFMAO!

I just had a conversation with R.

I let him know that there was a picture of BG, we looked at it together, and then there was a conversation about communications.

I said that there had been no answer to anything I had sent the BG whilst he was away. He said, yeah, that's because it didn't come from him. I said "But you were away, wasn't that the point of me contacting her to let he know how you were, because you couldn't?" He said "Yeah."

SO? What? *confused* lol!

The blog comes from both of us.
It is rarely acknowledged, and the amount of comments in 3 years can be counted on one hand.

Any emails that I send, are sent because he cannot. So expecting him to send them is just bizarre! I mean, if he could send them, then he would. LOL! He doesn't avoid contacting BG at all! He works hard to ensure contact does happen whenever he can and whenever BG wants it. So if he hasn't sent the email, and I have, it's because he can't and I can, so saying that he isn't .... or won't..... or.. ....... oh LOL! whatever!

I thought if I wrote it down I could look at it until it made sense.

It doesn't lol!

So I'm going to work to battle APP, ISP, AFL, MFL and IEP's, because those acronyms make more sense than this!


Well, I ended up going to bed last night at 9.15 and was asleep by 9.30. I remember R coming up to bed later on, and that was fine. And then I remember 3am, 4am, 4.50am. But in that warm snuggy way of looking at the clock and going "Hmmmm! Not yet!"

Up around 5am, and then looked at last nights blog going "Hmmmmm! What did I write?" But it turns out it was ok. It's always honest in here though. If a person is going to lie on their blog, then what's the point?

R knows I blog. He knows what I blog about. He knows where it is to read it if he wants to. We have no secrets like that. The only secrets we ever keep are those about birthday presents! Everything else is fine!

But I woke up to a picture of the BG in her glasses, which were definately chosen by a child. I can't make out what she's holding, but it isn't worth asking about and opening up dialogue after Sunday. She-Ex managed to really upset AC that day, but it wouldn't have dawned on her that he would be upset, or that he might be up, or that the language and content of the conversation were inappropriate for *any* child's ears. But that's just the way of it. We'll see what Wednesday brings.

Today is my PPA day, and I am taking my laptop in, with the plan of getting my reports sorted onto there and thence onward. But there are technical issues I can get around with a paper copy of dob's and so on.

Or I start on the APP stuff.

*feels spirits sink - and not in that good way*

Basically, APP is the new assessment process in schools.

Each child has 3 A3 sheets of paper, that have graded targets on, that we colour in as they are achieved, and it zooms up the school with them. (1 writing, 1 reading, 1 maths) Each year, we also pick 3 children, one higher, one middle, one lower ability, and we keep a selection of their work as well as lots more A4 coloured in graded targets, for each of these subjects.



31 children in my class. Each has a piece of A3 coloured in.

3 children in my class have examples of work kept. These have to be 2 literacy, 3 cross-curricular, that we have to keep as examples of the 8 strands of literacy being covered. With me so far? We then get more A4 paper (currently about 9 sheets per child for writing) and we colour in the bits they have secure understanding of.

Then we make an evidence based judgement on whether the child has achieved low, secure, or high level 1,2,3,4,5. There are no more P numbers, so none of the progress of the children I have who work hard can be recorded in that way, except through Early Learning Goals which are for Reception and not appropriate for bigger children.

There is no child speak version of the APP sheet.

This is not less work (hence me saying the ex-boss told lies!) this is more work. It is not productive. Oh, and it has to be done by 2nd June.


18th May - SATs week.
1st June - All SATs marking done. (90 x maths papers, 90 x spelling, 90 x mental maths)
2nd June - APP in, (as above)
22nd June - Reports due in. (31)

Almost all of this will be done in my time. My unpaid time. My unclaimable as overtime, time. And this, my Dear Reader, is why teachers need the holidays they get these days. But I can't *do* any of this in the holidays at home, because it needs to be in before summer, although I could, and will, spend some of half term in school.

And I need to teach as well. And plan to teach. And resource my teaching. And run ICT training. and and and and and and and and

Oh well. I expect the attitude will be that they have had their SATs so the standard of teaching won't matter lol. (Not from me, that attitude, but higher up!)

Better get on with it.


Monday, April 27, 2009

Not me Monday

Today I did not walk past a group of children playing on the school play equipment before school when they shouldn't have been and shout "It's condemned! Get off!" just to see the parents reaction. (and it is condemned, and taped)

Following that, I did not leave my memory stick in my computer at home when I had been up at 3am working on the flp on it, nor did I then make up the lessons for the rest of the day, secure in the knowledge that I could use the memory stick lessons tomorrow.

I did not almost fall asleep in assembly because of being up at stupid o'clock.

I was not crazily happy *not* to have heard from the She-Ex because I just couldn't manage to stay nice today and as I hadn't heard from her then it meant she didn't get the hassle that I would have given her, whether she deserved it today or not.

I did not eat 2 crispie cakes at lunchtime.

I did not call my ex-head a liar about how much work he said APP wouldn't be. It is. I did not get so mind numbingly confused by APP that I am now turning this off and going to bed at 9.15pm just to stop my head whirling.


I can do this Not Me Monday!

It's 3 o'clock in the morning

and it's starting to get light.....

Who sung that? Some dark haired girl with a piano.

Anyway, I thought I'd let the blogsphere know I was working on my literacy flipcharts for this week. See. All that "teachers only work 9-3" stuff. Yes. 3am.

More 3 am songs.

3am eternal

Whatever. I'm going back to bed. Early start for us in the morning!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Nobody Does It Better.

You may need a bucket Dear Reader. It's been that good a day!

Carly Simon (amongst others!) YouTube It was the theme for the Spy Who Loved Me (James Bond)

This song will now have commentary in black, lyrics in red. Yes, it's that important to me.

Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, you're the best

This is true. Noone has made me feel the way R does. He does do *it* better than anyone I have ever known. He cares about it. He wants me to enjoy it. *happy sigh*

I wasn't looking but somehow you found me
It tried to hide from your love light
But like Heaven above me
The spy who loved me
Is keeping all my secrets safe tonight

I wasn't looking. My marriage was on the rocks when we met, and then I was completely not looking when we did get together. I tried to hide the way I felt, he tried to hide the way he felt. 3 years later, here we are.

And nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why'd you have to be so good?

LOL. He's addictive. He makes me amazed at the things he can do, and the things he does do, and the things he talks about and wants to talk about and the way he is. He is so amazing. He is mentally, physically, my equal. LOL.

The way that you hold me
Whenever you hold me
There's some kind of magic inside you
That keeps me from running
But just keep it coming
How'd you learn to do the things you do?

The way he holds me just fills me, just completes me. Everything is right when I am in his arms and the rest of the world can just take off. And the real joy? It's the same for him. When I hold him, he doesn't have to be my protector all the time - he knows I can be his lioness, as well as his tabby cat. It is magic. I wanted to go, I wanted us not to be together, because I knew it would be complicated, that She-Ex would be unhappy, that there were years of pain as well as joy ahead. But how'd he manage to keep me? Magic I guess....

And nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, baby, darlin', you're the best

Baby, you're the best
Darlin', you're the best
Baby, you're the best
Baby, you're the best
Baby, you're the best
Baby, you're the best

Speaks for itself. He is simply, my best.

And the lovely weekend continues.

The lovely weekend did indeed continue, right to the weather!

I got up, got some work done, AC got up, we snuggled, we watched peculiar tv, we ate, we did stuff. I cleaned the bathroom, changed the cats box, did the dishwasher.

We went outside to go to church, and found a bakers dozen of eggs on the wheelie bin from the lovely people next door.

We went to church, which was good, although he was wriggly today.

He knew we were going out, but I refused to tell him where. He knew that the baby had been born, but also knew we weren't going over there for a while as *I* tend to feel that newborns need space and not too much stimulation, not to mention that the new mother does not need to be charging around making tea!

We drove to the computer shop to see how much R's computer will be to fix. Not for us the joy of the American system which gives you your tax back each year in a nice lump sum *sigh* so it'll have to wait. But we can work together on stuff, so it's cool. It's a partnership lol!

We drove away from the computer shop and out of town and the AC got really excited. He was trying really hard to work it out, and in the end we went to another town locally to watch Dragonball Evolution, which was ace. It has some completely pants reviews, but it is a super film for children and the comic book generation. We had lunch out together before that.

It is impossible, apparently, to get a plain ham sandwich without difficulty these days. I shall blog upon this later, no doubt pontificating as I do! Anyway.

I had popcorn, AC had icecream, and R had Nachos. Nummy! AC sat between us, and it was so cool to be me and watch them chatting before the film, then R touching AC's arm in the scary bits to make sure that he was ok, (AC does the big eyed not moving thing that I do when he's scared. R knows that face! He took care of the situation.)

We walked back to the car, chatting and playing about and having a good time, and when we got into the car, R flicked the radio on, and it was playing Carly Simon's "Nobody does it better" and it was so, so true.

I've got a whole post planned for that in a moment.

But we drove back, and life was so nearly perfect.

We got home, chilled out together, discussed the film, drank tea, looked at the new baby on the webcam, and just enjoyed being together.

Fabulous weekend.

(See - I left the last post completely behind me!)

And the world returns to how we recognise it.

Yep. Serves me right for thinking that she was really being lovely about things these days.

It wasn't a nice email full of what BG has been doing, it was snidey and why haven't you replied to me before ? (Umm - Because he was back on Friday and he's been busy - besides, there's nothing to say, and she hasn't replied to ANYTHING I've sent BG, nor the blogs, nor, well, anything. Moving on.)

So then she phones, after we have been back, and he speaks to BG who is very upset about something, and doesn't really want to talk to Daddy, and then the She-Ex gets back on the phone and it is rant and rave and cry and apparently it's all our fault that BG is struggling at school. REALLY? Hmmm.


Do continue.

And that BG isn't the same as "superperfect" AC. Don't you start on my boy lady.... he has nothing to do with this situation. Yes, he's amazing and wonderful, but you cannot compare the children - they have different upbringings, different cultural expectations, and different lives. Oh yeah and.....


(I know, if her *friend* reads this to her then she's going to moan like fury, but as she wasn't going to be having them do that any more, and it's MY blog, then it will be fine. Unless she lied about reading this, in which case it's her own fault!)

The thing is, this ranting went on for ages. R finished the phonecall, and she phoned back! Just to continue having a go! So there was a real danger of our lovely gorgeous afternoon being ruined, and, whilst large parts of me want to say it was on purpose, most of me doesn't. She wouldn't think like that. And not just because she doesn't think about other people at all, but because I have to believe that she wouldn't choose to put BG through that on purpose. No child needs to hear her mother shouting at her father because she's finding it hard to read. Talk about providing the self-fulfilling prophecy!

However, I felt so sorry for R. He was desparately trying to keep the anger away from the AC. He ended up sat in the bathroom for a while, and then was upstairs when she phoned again so that AC didn't think that R was angry at him. Of course AC picked up the tension in the house, but we both reassured him, and loved him and so on, and he was fine about it all.



Anyway, I'm bored of this rant now, although I will never, ever be bored of the BG. I've got it out of my system, so I'm moving on to hoping she's over it, hoping that she's calmed down about it all too, and that we can work together on some kind of progress for BG. BG is so lovely. Her teacher is really forthcoming and helpful when she can be, but she is so busy (Of course she's busy - she's a teacher!) She-Ex is under so much pressure, that I can see why she loses her rag, but blaming us? Man, I wish it was our problem.


Let's get on to the good part of the day. Because there were some GREAT bits of our day, and I'm leaving all the rubbish here.

Bye bye now rubbish!

Lovely weekend thus far.

We have had a lovely weekend thus far, and it looks set to continue.

Friday night R came home, much to the disappointment of the AC, who wanted him home before he went to school, or at least when school finished so the AC could see him. As it was, AC gets back on Saturday night, blitzes past me with a "Hello Mummy!" and is straight in to see R. (No hugging or anything, just a "Hello R" and a head ruffle from R, and a "Get off!" from the AC and so on. Heaven forbid the small boy of mine shows some affection at the moment lol!)

We had a good phonecall with the BG, although she was busy at the neighbours, which is cool. Her teacher is not as convinced about the glasses as the She-Ex is, but she's still making some progress, which is a good thing. We'll see what the DIBELs say next week.

We had Southern Fried Chicken for tea. Mmmmmmmmmmm!

On Saturday I got up, did some stuff, went back to bed, got up later went to town with R, pottered around, traded in some games, had enough from the trade in to get the game he wanted, which was cool as there was money in the budget for it, which now means that we are able to go a little further afield for todays visit out, and go to a different place to watch the film that the AC wanted to see with R.

On Saturday afternoon I went back to bed, had a 2 hour nap, then got up, R and I tidied through the whole downstairs in about 2 hours (including watching some Formula 1) and then I made raspbery cake - uber nummy - and lemon cupcakes with lemon butter icing. Mmmmmmm! All gone very quickly!

We had people eound in the evening as normal, and it was lovely. However, I appear to be developing a cold, so no seeing the latest addition to the family this week - hopefully we will go and see Lilly next week.

(Ooooh! Early morning email from the She-Ex. It can wait until R gets up, now he's home. I don't read his emails when he's here, just when he's away, and I send our thanks for pictures and leave the rest. He's read everything we've sent to each other this week, and agrees with it, particularly after what BG's teacher said, so it can wait. LOL. BG is as vital a part of our existance as she can be from thousands of miles away, but most days, her mother is not. We cannot allow her to be, or else we'd have gone mad by now! But after the last few emails of niceness, it's probably just letting him know what she's been up to and what the plans are for the phonecalls, although there's no attachment so it's not her glasses or the finished haircut.)

And so to today!







bed for small child

phone call to BG

sewing and gaming for us.

Bed for us.

Lovely, don't you think?

Saturday, April 25, 2009

And the fault of everything?

The reason for economic downfall?
The reason for global warming?
The reason for doom and gloom?

Michelle Obama touched the Queen.



(It's still a girl lol!)

Lilly Beatrice Cook.

Beatrice was my grandmothers name, and she died in June, so it's nice. Lilly's brother is Alfie Morris, which was my grandfather's name (her husband) so it is gorgeous that they are remembered together.

8.1lb, so a good size, and straight on the breast, so not weighed for an hour.

F is really good at breastfeeding, apparently much influenced by how much I worked at it until it worked, and by the fact I didn't just give up and do the chemical formula thing. I've just read a really good email on bf-ing, and I'll write about it later. It's something that is really important to me, and I think that with more support and more effort more babies would be bf'd and more children would be healthier, less obese, less likely to get cancer and so on.

ARGH! I said I was going to write about this later. And I am! We have things to do, but I am so happy to know Lilly is here, even though it hurts like hell inside me that she was born this week, of all weeks, but it's cool because she *is* here, she *is* fine and happy and so forth, and that is what matters.

And yes, there may well be a long tearfilled maudlin post in a while, but for now, I am revelling in the knowledge of her arrival, happy that, whilst these things have only worked out once for me, they work out time after time for others, and that means I *must* have hope and that there is no room for selfishness.

It's a.....

...... GIRL!

Welcome to the world - Lily Cook!

Photo will be posted as soon as I have one, but she was born this morning at 8.52. Mother and father and baby doing well!

"How big is she Ru?"

"Oh, she'd fit in the bottom of a carrier bag!"

That's my little brother!

Friday, April 24, 2009


That's how I felt when R walked into my school and found me chatting to Mrs M. I turned around and there he was, so gorgeous, so tall, so amazing, so exuding love and pleased to see me. I leapt up and hugged him there and then.

I didn't care.

I love him. I love him. I LOVE HIM!

That's how I feel today. He is amazing and I am blessed to having him in my life. It stuns me how, after 3 years, and all the rubbish that's been thrown at us by others, that we are so strong together, that we fit each other so well, and that seeing him makes me so complete. (as well as other feelings too rude for on here lol!)

We came home. Later, we went to Tesco for chicken and milk and so on, and now here we are.

I'm doing work and blogging, he's sorting out a few bits on the computer, and we are just being us. Happy, together, and loving.

Y'see, that's all we've ever wanted. A slightly boring life, seeing friends every now and again, going out as a family on the weekend, working, coming home, and raising a family the best way that we know how. And we do know how lol. Well, we know how for us! It doesn't suit everyone, but it suits us.

And now, to a quiet evening!


Apparently I think that the She-Ex is horrible.

That's news.

I can think of a number of words I could use, some less charitable than others, but she is not horrible. Sometimes her behaviours are horrible, but then that's what she does, not who she is, and part of my job deals with difficult children, so I am able to separate an action from an intention and from a way of being.

There are issues with BG's education, but those issues are going to be wherever BG goes, and at the moment she is in a good school, with a good teacher, and she is settled. That's not broke, and trying to fix that is a daftness.

I think it's hard for the She-Ex to even think that I might like her for who she is, and be able to ignore her actions. I can't always ignore her actions, but I can choose to put them down to self-centredness as opposed to nastyness, to a disregard for the feelings of others, rather than a malicious intent to wound us.

Sometimes, the words she uses are hard to do that with. Sometimes, when she says

"i'm glad you are, so am i...when she realizes that he really is just a monkey wearing a uniform with no personality and no decency...." or the immortal "go an f*** the hamster" or "I hate you"

it's hard to separate those.

When there's not a birthday card, or a Fathers day card, or anything like that, it's hard. There were some lovely presents this year, but BG seemed to know nothing about them, and they had been sent from the shop to us, but then with the postal the way it is, that's not so unusual. But all he wants, is a card.

Ah well.

Time to be up and moving on.

Oh, I didn't post this!

I'm trying not to be petty and small minded, and I'm trying to give her another chance to show how nice she is. I know she is, but I almost always get the grim side of her. And everytime i ask why, it's because R and I are happy in a way that they never were and apparently she never will be, and he could have done all these things for her that he does for me. So we're emailing back and forth at the moment, mainly about BG's education. I'll keep it light, but I have a list of criteria, and if I need to, I will just walk away, and leave her to it. She has a good, well paid job, so I know she doesn't *need* the maintainance in the same way that she used to, so it won't bother me if she doesn't get it on time, if you see what I mean.

But it's the morning, and must make a shimmy on!

In the still of the night...

In the still of the night,
I see your face.
I feel your hand in mine,
I hear your voice.

In the bustle of the day,
I see nothing
I feel nothing
I hear nothing

But in the peace of the night
We play,
We laugh,
We sing,
We dance.

In the heat of the day,
I run
I mark,
I teach,
I work.

But in the quietness of the evening,
I feel your memory coming.
I clean, I quilt, I read, I cook,
I can not, will not, think of you.
But your approach speeds with the leaving of the sun,
As the stars shine down,
I know you are here.
And when I sleep,
We are together.

I wake with tears in my eyes,
A smile on my lips,
And an ache in my heart,
Yearning, for the still of the night.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's later on.

Really, it is.

I've done my work for the evening. I've created a 60 page flipchart (think powerpoint but child friendly - if you are really interested, look here) and before anyone faints in a "Death by Powerpoint" kind of way, it's to last the whole day, and about 24 of those slides are brain gym ones, of which 12 have a specific vestibular focus for JF, and the rest are just what we are doing in our lessons.

I'm enjoying having everything mapped out. The children are enjoying having everything mapped out. We both like knowing what we are doing, but, and here's the big thing, if we decide to change our minds, we just go to the end of the flipchart, stick on another blank screen, and away we go! We're good like that.

I have also fed all the animals, fielded calls about the town race and How It Will Affect Church on Sunday, completed the notices to print at school tomorrow, (yes, school do know!) eaten toast for tea, and thought about doing lots of other stuff.

And had a long, long conversation with my dad, that in many ways was really quite upsetting. He wasn't trying to upset me. He wouldn't. We have a good relationship, and we love each other a lot, but I know, and I fight it when I see it in me, I know that he is as egocentric as they come. The world revolves around my Dad, in his eyes, and it's not because he makes it do so, he is just determined to do his things, his way. No one has ever felt like he does, and the feelings induced in him by other people are stronger than anything anyone else has ever had.

That and the fact he seems to think that Grandad is still around. To be honest, I wouldn't put it past Grandad. His death would heave been seen, by him, as something of a minor annoyance, but as we talked about tonight, it was fitting that he died on Ascension Sunday, as he had such a mighty faith, without being pushy, had such a wonderful attitude and pride in himself (without arrogance) that he would be straight to Heaven. Me, I have faith that the love of God and the Grace of He who died will allow me in. I also expect my Grandad felt the same way, he was nothing if not humble.

But yeah, Dad seems to be thinking that he still feels Grandad around, which is fine.

But now I'm sleepy.

I'll finish this tomorrow, rather than think too much tonight.

I've emailed the She-Ex to say thankyou, but there is no reply to that or the email I sent about the money as yet. I'm waiting on a reply from her teacher as well, for R to see when he gets in. And the He-Ex has stopped texting.

I shall transcribe tomorrow I expect.

night ngiht all!

I am not going to blog.

I am going to work.

I am so close to having a whole week where I have kept stuff up together for work.

Ok, so home hasn't done so well out of that, but nowhere is an utter disaster.

And I'm getting odd texts from the He-Ex, but some fairly nice photos of the BG getting her hair cut from the She-Ex. I have thanked her for them, and I also emailed her this morning to say that the maintainance might be due on Thursday next week, but it won't be going to her until Saturday as that's the earliest R can do it. As that's what we were asked to do, I'm happy for that to happen.

I feel petty, but I refuse to be dragged in, and then accused of interfering when it was just me doing the things I was asked to do.

And honestly.

I'm not blogging.

See me work!

Sleepy people can't write

I went up last night with the intention of blogging from the warmth of my bed. But then R phoned, and so I chatted to him and almost went to sleep on the phone so I turned everything off and went to sleep about 2230.

Actually I had turned the light off before that, and I was just lying in bed, listening to his voice. I love his voice. It is so warm and loving and has never had an angry word that has been directed at me. Even when he's angry at one of the Ex's, or at work, or at life, he's never angry at me, and he makes sure I know it. He'll tell me flat out, "It's not you my darling, it's x or y or z!" and I appreciate that. I was lyingin the dark, listening to him, and it was as though he was there (if you discount the cold bed and the crackly line and so on!) and when he said "Goodnight my love." like he always does before we go to sleep, I almost cried. But I didn't, for I am a strong independent woman blah blah blah. I am, but I also love my man to the ends of the Earth, and his place is by my side, just as mine is by his. He always says "Goodnight my love" even when he thinks I'm asleep.

We often curl up together in the dark and talk. I want to talk to him tonight like that, so badly, but I can wait. That's life in the blue suit as they say. I want to feel his reassuring touch on my body, feel his arms enfold me as he holds me and protects me from the world. Today, I feel small, and vulnerable, and sad. Today I want him by me, to shelter me the way I shelter him, to be that barrier between me and the stupidness of the world, in the way we do for each other and for the AC.

Not today though chaps. Not until at least tomorrow, hopefully.

As you can tell Dear Reader, I'm missing R like mad.

I'm off for a shower before one of us is sick.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My Facebook update.

has made 8 quilt blocks, cleaned the kitchen, emailed Uptech, looked at geeky stats until her eyes crossed, written the rest of the brain gym flipchart, incorporating vestibular activity, investigated gross vestibular stimuli, poked the cat, eaten lightly toasted muffins with scrambled egg and ham, watched AMTN, and is about to start proper planning and flp making, but wrote this first, just for Janet!

YAH! I've only been home a few hours as well. It looks loads like this!

I've also been on msg with Chris and Mum as well, but I didn't put that in - I am supposed to be working!


The first thing I did this morning was check MckMama to see how Stellan is doing.

The second thing I did this morning was finish the brain gym flipchart ready to put sections of it into other flipcharts as needed.

The third thing I did this morning was think about how I need to write a list of activities for JF and his TA to do because they need to do some gross motor skill work to wake him up.

And I'll finish this later, because it's a bit late and we should be gone, but I'll be back during school time anyway.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Peculiar evening.

It was a peculiar evening in some ways, but lovely in others.

A gentleman from Church phoned to let me know that there would be disruptions to getting to church for some people next week as the Great East Run goes past the building. Would I please mention it in the notices.

Of course.

The She-Ex phoned to get our address as she is getting insurance for BG and her that if anything happens to them then there is some big payout or something. I asked her to put it all in an email to R. It's not that I'm not interested, it's that the agreement, as laid out by her mother, was that there was to be minimal to no contact with me, and everything done in writing to R. Suits me. Whilst it may sound petty of me, the stress that she causes just isn't worth the couple of weeks of niceness. But maybe she really means the nice stuff this time. I hope so. (See, ever the optimist!)

Spoke to R, he has range tomorrow and then the big day is Thursday. We'll have to wait and see on that as well.

If you are of a praying persuasion, then poke an eye over here and partly be inspired by the strength of someone who is just keeping on going, and partly to pray for a recovery.

And so to bed. I have cut and stitched and cut down the middle to make a whole lot of triangles. Tomorrow I shall start to make blocks of them. Oh yes indeedy.

And tomorrow, I may be blogging throughout the day. We shall see what I decide to do about school and working at it, or working from home tomorrow.

Night night all.

Tuesday was ok in the end.

Well, it was!

Work was fine, the extra work I'm putting in at home is paying off in school, which is great for school and the children but OH MY WORD I'M TIRED! but that's ok.

It's a vocation darhling! And these days, it's guarenteed money, and there's a lot to be said for that.

I also have tomorrow as a PPA day, which is great. At the moment the plan is to get into school, drop off the AC, have a swift meeting, and then head for home for a days report writing and so forth.

I like this plan.

But at the moment, I'm working on the flp for tomorrow. I'll add what an flp is to the sidebar, to save you asking.

It's all cool. It's all good. It's all grooooooovy!


I think exercising might be in order before the child returns to the fold.

Maya or 30 mins?

It's Tuesday!


I like Tuesdays.

I teach in the morning and the lovely Mr T teaches in the afternoon.

But I do have to do playground duty, but I don't mind that.

And I have tomorrow to do some ICT stuff! (Except I won't, I'll do planning stuff I think - I may even come home and do it.)

I heard from R last night so I emailed BG, but I haven't heard anything. I did forget to put one thing in but I'll email her tonight about it. TBH, it's just easier this way sometimes. I know I've tried, and at the end of the day that's all I can do. And to be fair to the She-Ex, we have had 8 pictures of BG's birthday, and a random one of her looking grumpy in pigtails. It's nice to see her hair growing out though - she had a middle aged lady cut for a while, and it looked terrible on a small girl.

But the He-Ex is going the same way again at the moment (I did say before they do these things together!) I emailed him some of the pictures of N's party, and carefully edited the choice for the AC so that there weren't ones of him and R in the same way I did for BG, and I've heard nothing back from him. If we get a picture from either of them, and I'm here, I email to say thanks. If R is here, then I leave it to him to email the She-Ex (after all, she's his She-Ex, not mine!) and usually he does. I did the birthday ones because he'd left by the time they actually arrived lol!

Oh mardy ol' me today. I'm tired, I've been working for an hour already, I'm not going to get any exercise in this morning now, and BLEUGH!



That's more or less how I feel!

Hurrah for Tuesday though!

Monday, April 20, 2009

End of day 1

First day back was fine.

No really, it was!

If I ignore the fact that everything we agreed at the meeting, and was noted in the minutes book, was utterly ignored to please someone else - who had been at the meeting and whose idea the changes were in the first place, because they also suited him, then the day was fine.

If I ignore the fact that there are a few issues with E.on at the moment, the day was fine.

If I ignore the fact that none of the computers had been reset after the painting like they should have been, that's ok.

If I ignore the fact that I am a terrible Forces Missus because I miss him like stupidness gone crazy, then the day was fine.


It could have been worse.

It was fine because the secretary got Uptech in to sort the computers out, not me.

It was fine because I have been given a days supply on Wednesday to do as I wish with. (I will be coming home I suspect.)

It was fine because I was able to phone Lloyds and sort it out.

It was fine because my children smiled and were pleased to see me, because the TA's worked their behinds off to get through the mistakes of the morning, because I have a great bunch of people that I work with. That was all jolly fine.

It was fine because we had crumpets for tea. And crumpets are good.

It was fine because of a thousand little tiny small things that individually were lovely, but added up together kicked the backside of all the miserable things that I have cheerfully ignored.


It was fine!

And now to work once more..... but only until 9pm, and then I am watching Britains Next Top Model, (like ANTM but with less screaming) and sewing. This is my plan each night I feel.

We shall see.

And so to work!

Holidays are over. *sigh*

Back to school.

Andy AM came over last night, and it was so fabulous to see him and just to catch up and he brought me an adorable picture of Jampot, and we chatted about the kids until about 11. It was uber cool.

And now I'm up, I'm thinking about the day ahead, I've got stuff to do. I have no idea how today is going to go, which worries me slightly as I like to know what I'm teaching my children and how! But as we don't know how long the classrooms are going to take to sort it's hard to know when the teaching itself will actually start.

Oh well.

More randomness yesterday evening, with the She-Ex phoning just after R had left, checking we had her number because we could have phoned her when we spoke to BG. We always phone her mother since we got this text/email

"what.part of i work EVERY sunday is so complicated????"

followed by

"alright i will make this very simple for you.... every sunday....plan accordingly"

So we did. We phone her mothers phone on a Sunday. The last two Sundays no one has answered for a variety of reasons, but this one they did, and R got to speak to BG and tbh, that's all we care about really. Whose phone or whatever is unimportant.

Anyway, she phoned, has sent 8 pictures of her birthday party at school, and of her and her teacher and so on, so at least he has new pictures, and selfishly, we like that! We'll see how things go though. I've been burnt too many times to leap back into friendship again. I was very non-comittal on the phone, and in the blog updated email that I sent to say that I'd done the blog.

I know it's been looked at, although I don't think all the new pages have been, but it's all there for her either for now or for later.

And now I have to exercise.

Laters people. Much laters, unfortunately!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Pictures I didn't send BG

These are some of the pictures I *didn't* send the BG, because ....... I don't know why. I just didn't. Mainly I suppose I don't want to hurt her by sending pictures that show what a loving and caring Daddy she has, and how he loves and cares for someone else. Anyone can be a fun person for her to be around, if you see what I mean, but only her Daddy can love her like he can.


These are on here because I'm proud of the two of them, because we had a really good time, and because I want to celebrate our recovery from life and all the hassles recently.

And now it's bed time after a lovely evening catching up with Mr A A-M.


night night all.

Just a quickie ;-)

The party yesterday was fabulous. R and I were so stiff when we got in and AC was shattered. But it was great! It was at the local gym and there was lots of throwing children (and pushing adults) into foam pits, I went on the beam - something I've always wanted to do - and there was a bouncy castle and trampoline and so on.

The food was all home food - not burger and chips or whatever, proper party food, and we were invited back to the house afterwards to carry on the party but AC had to have his medicine - which he has come to the conclusion is supposed to be banana - and R and I knew we had over done it and were going to hurt.

We do lol! But it doesn't matter. What matters is that the children had fun, that a child who doesn't speak to adults other than his mother and her friend came to me for help and I introduced him to R and he went to R for help and games several times. R was carrying him around for a bit when N-N got a bit overwhelmed (he is only 3!) AC had a fabulous time, and R and he had a long running battle with the foam blocks. I got thrown in the foam pit a few times but did my fair share of throwing in as well!

I know most of these children from school - no doubt I will teach them when they are older - and by the end, when we got into a couple of bumped heads and tiredness, I had one on each knee. One got off, but H was happy just to stay, snuggled on the lap of someone he knew and was safe with.

AC was gorgeously behaved and although also very tired he did do as he was asked. We had a few tears at the end, because he loves parties, but R gave him a hug and sorted it all out with him.


Picture post soon (got to charge the battery so that I can get the pictures off lol!)

Saturday, April 18, 2009

30 mins with Maya

I just did 30 minutes with Maya. Todays focus was flexibility. I prodded buttock all over the shop! She was not impressed when I said "No sweat." to the question how was the 2nd segment. Or the third segment. I paid for it in the 4th though - Modified plank is hard but getting easier.

I will get to my goal of being fitter and healthier. Not necessarily slimmer, or weighing less, but fitter.

Post Lent weight, 143lbs. I lost 2lbs. But they should stay off as it was done slowly blah blah blah. 2lbs is nothing. It's because I did less exercise than usual as well.

Exercise is the key to it all for me. I can't afford a gym like I used to (I love going to the gym and turning off my brain and just chilling) but I can Wii stuff.

And that's good enough for this old body - I will not be fat and bleughy like this picture I saw of a lady on a bench with her belly hanging out under her dress. UNDER her dress. I don't want to be supermodel thin either. I just want to be me-shaped, and I am, but I also want to be flexible, and I am, but I need to stay me-shaped and flexible, and that means paying attention and doing something about it.

And that means getting off my behind, and using the moaning energy for doing things!

Now I've given myself a little chat, I'm off to clear the dining room table.

And apparently I posted!

I posted in my sleep apparently, because I don't remember posting.

I remember getting out of the bath and sitting on the sofa to get dry. And then R snuggled me into bed. In the intervening time I fed the fish, posted on here, and went upstairs.


Life is cool sometimes.

Did I mention we had a new car?

Busy day ahead?

Today is shaping up to be yet another busy day.

There are a couple of timed things.

AC is back at 4pm as we are going to a party at 4.45 - 6.45 pm. (Happy Birthday Nathan!)

Gamers will be here at 7pm (must email and remind them that there's no gaming til 7.)

So that's the later afternoon.

This morning we need to tax the car, get Nathan's birthday present and card, sort out a couple of other bits, and I need to do some school work.

This afternoon we need to clear the dining room table ready to play, I need to bake a couple of bits (easy bits!) and then be ready to go and party.

The church website looks good, all I have to do on Sunday is remember the camera, take some pictures, and ask each of the groups for a few sentences about themselves so that I can add those in as well.

And I need to phone Student Loans who apparently have gone back to the "You owe us money" thing, although I think that's just their computer! LOL It will all be fine.

If ever there was an example of God providing, it was yesterday.

We needed a vehicle. R needed to drive down to his course on Monday to bring everything home on Friday, and therefore could not take the bike. We knew this might happen and had arranged a financial mortgage holiday (thus meaning the mortgage payment gets stuck on the end of the mortgage but meaning we don't have to find that money this month, so we have £766)

We looked all over the place, and then suddenly found this Land Rover Discovery on eBay, 17 miles from the house and due to finish at a time when my parents and Caroline and girls should be here. It had an MOT til Jan 2010, and so was obviously sound. We spoke to the bloke on the pone and he tried to end the auction so that we could go over and pick it up on the grounds that we had the cash and he had it advertised elsewhere. eBay wouldn't let him, so we had a tense 75 minutes where we watched and waited, and then R stuck a bid in at the las moment and we got her for £745. Chap was happy as he'd paid £740 for her 6 weeks ago, but the wife didn't like the car, so it has to go.

A quick blast on Auto Trader tells me that an un-MOT'd one is around £6-700 and a fully running one like ours is around £900-1200.

We picked her up and she's a little star. Ok, she's a diesel lump, she has a much smaller engine than R is used to, but for me as a first car she'll be ideal. The Lord heard our prayers and really provided. She's just what we need, and whilst not as fancy as we would want, He knows what we need better than we do - and she's it! I'm praising this morning!

Now all we need is the cash to put me through a driving test lol! But like I said to the She-Ex the other day when she was emailing backwards and forwards, there are lots of other things that I need to spend money on rather than my hobbies. (Although A is going to look in the BX at the prices that they have in there for some of the things we were looking to get for me, like a cutter and a mat.)


On with the day!

Friday, April 17, 2009


R just woke me up.

I think it's bedtime.

R and BG are talking about when she was a baby. *sigh*

What a day!

The day started off so well.

I made bread. I pottered about. The Adorable Child wasn't awake and moving until 8.20. 8.20! I was on the verge of going up to check he was ok, but then he appeared downstairs and was in the best smiley mood I've seen him in for a week. It was wonderful.

Then R got up, and he and the AC played WoW for a few moments so that R could help the AC get to the level he needed to be to get his pet. He-Ex turned up, off he and the AC went, and I bimbled off to school to move the shed, set up the greenhouse and sort out my room.

Except that the people who had said they could help were having 50 fits because of the state of the rooms, so we decided that we would leave the shed and so forth, and sort out classrooms, but I couldn't do mine as the floor varnish was still wet. So I came home.

I came home to find that R was under the car, and cussing a little. He changed the shock absorber, and the car was more level, but still tilted. In a car like ours that means one of several things (self leveller has busted, the coil springs are gone, and so on) but all of them are expensive. We held crisis talks, and decided on a plan.

For those of you that know us personally, it's the same plan as usual. We looked on eBay and bought another vehicle after a tense wait. It's a good plan, it's worked before and we knew that there was a chance we would have to do this (the inner wheel arches on the Rangy were rotted and so we were ready. We had taken a mortgage holiday (so we didn't pay the mortgage this month) and so we had a finite amount of cash available. Less than we needed, we thought, but probably enough for something.

We are now the proud posessors of.....

......... and it pains me to say this almost......

a Chelsea Tractor!

All we need now is the labrador dog and we will be the epitome of middle class. (Except we aren't married, but we can gloss over that little thing!) The public sector jobs, the church notices, the governor thing, we are the joy of white collar Britain. Anyway....

We now have, the above vehicle. It's diesel, it's 2.2l, it's clean, tidy and apparently well behaved. And it's a manual, which R found entertaining in combination with the dieselness, although he had the hang of it by the end of the road. This vehicle is more or less everything that we need it to be, and above all it is PRACTICAL! This is not oversized, not ancient, not swanky, not in need of restoration, it just is.

And I think I love it.

Her. I think I love her.

We shall see what happens. but we've been and picked her up (my parents took us over on the way to somewhere else) and she rides well.

So I'm having a bath now.


And I need to get on.

I've held off gettinginthe shower for fear of waking the house up, but I do need to get on at some point.

I've updated the Church Website and I think it looks ok - can't work out how to edit the events I've already put in, but as the important one came up the way I wanted it's fine.

The bread is nearly done.

Ideally I need to clear the table before Caro and the girls get here, but if I don't, I don't! It's no biggy! Friends take you as you are (as long as it's hygenic lol!)

The sounds of my morning....


the hamster, moving things around in his tubes.
the fishtanks, burbling.
the cat, padding.
the boy, rustling.
the bread maker, mixing.
computer keys, tapping.
These are the sounds of my morning.


It's a day set for busy times.

9am - AC to his fathers.
9.30am - me to school to assist in moving of sheds and erecting of Greenhouses.
1200 - home
1400 - Caroline and children to here en route to holidays.

I have seen more people this week than I have in the month previous! And there are more to come as Andy is up this end of the world and talking about coming over to show me pictures of the boys.

It is so wonderful to be able to do this with no trust issues involved. The He-Ex banned me from speaking to men. What he didn't care to realise was that almost all my friends were men. I lost a lot of people that I loved and trusted. I made some wonderful female friend choices, and I made some ok friend choices, but I missed the men in my life. Now, I am being encouraged to get them back. To offer a sofa or a meal or whatever for them to come up and stay and meet the AC (which most haven't) and it's simply terrific.

I'll do a whole friends blog later. Right now, I'm just happy with everything. and about to try and update the church website, so we'll see how that goes.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Love and fun and "blended family"

I'm waiting.

I don't know quite what to do.

So I'm blogging.

Today has been a good day.

Claire and E came round and AC and E went off upstairs and played and we chatted and life was good. There was home made banana bread, and warm choc-chip shortbread, and plenty of tea. We talked about homework and school and schemes of work and colouring and children-who-eat-things-that-they-shouldn't and bumped heads and A&E and and and lots!

Then the AC and went on WoW and started his hunter, because he and R are going to be able to run together this weekend. AC was loving it, because he can, almost, if it wasn't for parental concerns over e-safety and the fact he is not-yet-6-but-it-is-almost-7-weeks-til-my-birthday, he can do WoW by himself. He can read enough now, think enough now, and follow Carbonite arrows enough now to do this thing himself. And all he wants to do? He wants to get a character good enough to run with R's character.

Again, with the wanting to be R! It's gorgeous and lovely and totally validates my choice of father figure for the AC, but shouldn't he be wanting to be like Daddy? According to the AC, he loves them both. Some days he likes Daddy more. Some days he likes R more. That's cool.

All I ever said to the AC was that he didn't have to love anyone, he didn't even have to like anyone, he just had to be polite. It was a long road to last summer, when the AC and R suddenly found each other in a way that was better than I had dreamed of. That was when I had to start censoring pictures, so that they didn't upset the She-Ex and the BG. I chose the ones that were less loving, less caring looks in each others eyes. I chose the ones that were practical jokes, that were playing, not the ones that were cuddling and taking care of each other and just enjoying being with each other. I still do that.

It matters to me that she thinks her Daddy is the best Daddy in the world. It matters to me that the AC thinks his Daddy is the best Daddy in the world, because every child should be able to think that of their Daddy. Every child has the right to look up to their Daddy as someone who could stop the world if they chose. Every Daddy has the responsibility to be that man, to be the man who could pluck the moon down, but chooses to leave it where it is, who knows the answers to every question but wants you to use your own brain, who can fix the car, bake a pizza and plaster a bumped knee all at the same time and still make you smile by telling you that you smell the most.

And the BG's Daddy can do all those things, and does do those things, and is an amazing role model and man in our sons life. Because that's how I see the AC, as our son. It's how the world sees them - less than 2 months ago a comment was made at school about how much the AC looks like his Daddy. Except the lady concerned had never seen the AC's father, only R. Even R and AC have stopped correcting people who refer to them as belonging to each other.

So it's all gone well. This is one less thing for me to worry about now. They have a relationship that is wonderful and a joy. AC gets discipline and love and jokes and listened to in the measures that he needs.

I get peace of mind, and a warmth and a joy from seeing them together, from hearing the AC ask when R is home, because he loves him and wants him home, although knowing that he wouldn't dream of telling R that he loves him. That's not what boys do Mummy.

Everyones a winner........ aren't they? Almost.

And this post was supposed to be about our day, about pancakes for lunch and chicken and rice for tea, about playing Top Trumps and watching World of Quest and random niceness from the She-Ex again.

Instead, it's very thankful, quite introspective of our family, and just a bit wistful.

How to make a Pinwheel bock

Just thought I'd post the pictures of this mornings work. The green and ivory fabric is my trying-things-out material, as it's strong and heavy and quite forgiving. More than anything, this is here to remind me what I did in what order. You know how it is sometimes.

Draw and cut out 2 ivory and 2 green squares.

Put the ivory and green square on top of each other, right sides together, and draw a diagonal line from corner to corner on the ivory square. Stitch a seam 1/4 inch from the line.

Turn the square around, and do the same from the other side of the line, 1/4 inch away.

Cut along the diagonals, and voila!

Open out to see 2 triangles stitched together.

Match up two sets of triangles, and stitch to make a rectangle. I'll have to do some other photos to remind me how I did it, but I basically opened them all out to the pattern I wanted, then folded them onto each other where the seam had to run.

Open them all out, check the pattern, and then fold together, wrong sides out, and stitch the seam.

Open out to reveal the finished block! One of my green corners isn't quite right, but its righter than previous attempts!

And now we have to get on because the AC and I just realised it was Thursday and Claire and E are coming to play at 1030. And we are both in jamas, planning a jama day. And he needs a bath.

But we don't mind. It's all a lovely day!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Good day.

The highlights of today.

1) Tidied loads of the house whilst waiting for Chris to get here. It was so great to see him - he's not the 18yr old rugby player he once was, but the twinkle is still there. He's a lovely lovely chap.

2) Lovely lunch and walk and coffee in the park (well, I had tea) with Chris.

3) Dr A's appointment went really well. He-Ex had brought his chart of AC's temperatures during the day and when he had had nurofen, and how his temperature hadn't dropped. Dr A informed him that was because he had given AC nurofen, not paracetamol. Dr A turned the AC almost inside out and said that in his opinion, this wasn't croup. Ok, what is it? He had a temp of 38.9, obliged by coughing for the doc, a lot, and the doc said he thought it was an infection of his trachea (more info here) and prescribed a basic antibiotic but said if we had any concerns. if he worsened, if his breathing was odd in anyway, get him back or to A&E in a hurry. And he wants to see him next week on Thursday. Dr A also thought that the middle-of-the-night doc had over prescribed the steroid for the AC, even if it was the right thing to give him, which in Dr A's opinion, it wasn't. Dr A and I went through what I've been doing with him, and he said that I've been doing all I can to get his temperature down, that he's happy that we don't give AC anything until he goes over 38.5, that's a good plan, that what we do to help the cough is the right thing, and basically we had done all we could for him. That was nice to hear. (I'm not sure He-Ex was too pleased though!)

4) Crablady came to get the computers that CP had left here to take them to PJ in Norwich to be recycled into working machines. I'm calling her Crablady, because I think she deserves a name as I think (and hope) we'll be seeing a lot more of her. She's lovely. She thinks Dave is gorgeous.

5) Dave has moulted again, and now he's a serious size! LOL. There's more to come though I think - it should be every 6-8 weeks, so he is right on schedule.

6) AC is in bed, coughing a little bit, having had his medicine around 5.30. 3 doses a day, 5 days. Paracetamol took his temperature right down, which was fantastic, and he perked right up and was reluctant to go to bed! HURRAY!

7) Random phonecalls and messages from the She-Ex who is being very nice. Do I go with it? I want to, but we've been here before. :-( I just don't know. She wanted us to send her the pictures of BG at the zoo as her phone is broken and she can't get the pictures off. I told her we'd had 6 pictures of the BG all year, and the only on of her at the zoo was of the back of her head. I asked her straight if there were more, and yep, there were. She just didn't send them to us. Like I said. I don't know.

Snuggling on the sofa time at 9. Eleventh hour is on. I think.

I sang....


I wish I was a Punk Rocker (Sandi Thom)

All Cried Out (Alison Moyet)

Something in the way she moves (Beatles)

And I rocked All Cried Out.

I love that song, some days because of the lyrics, some days because the tune soars around and really tests my voice. Today is a good voice day - by my standards lol!

The way I feel

This is how I feel today.


I can't write it any better than this lady, but this is how I feel today.

So I shall plaster on a happy smile, sing in the shower to get myself laughing, dance my way through the house picking up the worst bits and hoovering, and then giggle through lunch. Being jolly.

No doubt I shall be being perfect and Mary Poppins and earth mothery as well.


See. I'm laughing already.

The AC has a doctors appointment at 4.10. We are going to get this cough-that-needs-steroids looked at completely. With a Doctor who knows what he is doing. Dr A is a lovely Dr, who has been patient and kind and understanding already. So now he can do the same for the AC. As a result of seeing Dr A I got physio, I got me sorted quite a lot. Now he can do the same for the AC.

That's a lot of trust to put in one Doctor, but today, that's also the way I feel.


So all was well last night, I was tucked up in bed after speaking to R briefly, who had managed to speak to BG on her birthday, and off I go to sleep.

1.09am we're popping into outpatients for doc to listen to AC.

0109 Ok, let me know if you need me or want me to come

0135 Doc given dose of steroid. AC happy. Off home.

0136 Just a case of taking it easy over the next few days. What did he say AC has?

0146 Croup

0148 well get all to bed and I'll catch up in the morning. Speak to you in a while! Lots of love and cuddles to AC.

I'm still waiting to hear from him, but I suppose it is only 0735.

I'll call there around 8am if I haven't heard. But it makes me laugh because I deal with this every time. We use steam, we use propping, and he gets through it, without the steroids in the vast majority of cases. His Dad has him for one night, and bam, straight to the doc, straight with the steroids, in the middle of the night, when he *knows* that this is just croup, and we deal with it repeatedly, and you cannot stick steroids in a small body on a repeated basis.

Oh well.

Lots of oh welling today I think. I've texted R and let him know as much as I know.

BG's birthday

BG had a birthday!


We spoke on the phone!


She spoke to her Daddy on the phone!


The telegram has mysteriously disappeared!


The e-card has not been viewed.


But she sounded happy on the phone, and that's what matters.

N.B. This is not discussion, just a statement of facts. Discussion is private!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009



I hadn't realised it will be 20 years ago tomorrow. I was 14.

Between that and Bradford (which I saw live on Grandstand at Bodham Post Office where I was with Robert-over-the-Road my early football years had the games themselves as fascinating, amazing, and deadly. It was the 80's early 90's. A time of horrendous football violence, of thuggery and hooliganism. Of skinheads and anger and unrelenting hatred of differentness.

But it does put things into perspective.

I am proud of the way I followed my team for the years I could, stopping when I was 3 weeks from giving birth. And after that, I had different priorities.

The He-Ex was a hooligan, and very pleased with the fact. It's one of the many reasons we weren't suited, although at least we have the glorious AC.

But there. Anyway, it's nearly bedtime. I'm waiting to see if I'll hear from R tonight, I should be able to. The She-Ex rang earlier, and obviously got the point of this mornings email, as she was the polite, well mannered person I used to know. I got to speak to the BG as well, who wasn't sure if she had had her telegram or not. Nor if she'd seen AC's video that he so badly wanted her to see, although her mother insisted that she had. But she'd had cupcakes, so that was cool!

NIght night all. Hillsborough, BRadford, they put things in perspective for me. What does the silliness matter when faced with that?

Lunch date tomorrow!

That's right!

I am going out for lunch! And it's not with my mum!

Interestingly enough, it's with an old friend of mine, Chris, who I haven't seen since before the AC arrived. He's going to be driving down this way, so we are going to go for lunch, catch up together and so on. Should be lots of fun. He and I had no secrets in the past. In fact, I've known him since I was 14. That's 20 years. Golly.

It was weird tonight though, because I didn't want to say yes until I'd spoken to R about it. There's no reason for me to need to speak to him about it, other than plain and simple good manners. I didn't need to ask his permission lol, I just wanted him to know before it happened.

I think a lot of that has to do with the trust issues that we have because of our pasts. It's not that we don't trust the other one, it's that we are used to not being trusted, and there being no reason for that distrust other than the other persons conscience. It's all good though. We have a good relationship now, and we trust each other totally, and I am going out for lunch with Chris! YAY!

I'm not doing a fat lot tonight though. Just sitting here. I know I need to be doing things, but I'm not lol. I'm just here. I'm so tired after last night. I know I'm planning on going to bed early, but I'll wait until I've heard from R. Hopefully he'll hear from BG today, on her birthday.

She is 7 today. It is the third birthday since she left. Soon it will be the third fathers day, the third summer, it's already been the third Christmas. Finally, it will be the third of his birthdays since she left. And then a few days later will be the start of the 4th year.

It's the way it is.

But the world is a different and better place. Oh yes it is.

I'll post more later. I need a cup of tea!

More goodness....


*warning* Geek alert!

We use Activprimary at school, and I've just discovered on Primary3 how to combine flipcharts. How to just select the actual part of the actual flipchart I want, and place that into another flipchart.

This means I can write a flipchart to follow through what I want to teach, and then add in the bits I want to my daily flipchart.

I said it was geeky.


On the anti-geek side of things, I have this completed. Well, aside from the sewing in of the ends, but you get the idea. I was just experimenting with squares and triangles and how they fit together.

And then I went out today and bough this material,

Which was a whole £6. Slightly over my budget lol, but there is lots!

Eventually it should look like this (but in lilacs, not pink and blue)

A truely gorgeous quilt for a baby!

But work first. Bah humbug


It is officially now a good day.

1) Child has recovered, is in bombastic health and can have a lovvely day with his father after all! Daddy/son time is very important between our two households, so we were both relieved when he could go.

2) The new shock absorbers for the car have been delivered. Already.

3) The Student Loans Compant have phoned to say that there is a "clear and concise" not on my account that says that I phoned to ask for a settlement figure, and they gave me one, and I paid it, and checked that we were done. So lovely SLC lady says "We are done, We're not going to chase you for something which is our error, so you don't need to pay this, and I'll get a letter out to you confirming it asap."

Now I'm going to town to buy material and treat myself to a cup of tea somewhere. Well. Material definately.


I like this.

What Teachers Make, or
Objection Overruled, or
If things don’t work out, you can always go to law school

By Taylor Mali

He says the problem with teachers is, “What’s a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”
He reminds the other dinner guests that it’s true what they say about
Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it’s also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we’re eating, after all, and this is polite company.

“I mean, you¹re a teacher, Taylor,” he says.
“Be honest. What do you make?”

And I wish he hadn’t done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won’t I let you get a drink of water?
Because you’re not thirsty, you’re bored, that’s why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven’t called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, “Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don’t you?”
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

I was right!

It was a long night.

We've been down for steam twice, He is shattered, I am shattered, R is feeling bad for being away, but I've told him not to worry, I am fine on my own with the AC through this, just like I have been so many times before. I am going to insist that he sees the chest clinic though, because this coughing is ridiculous again, and has degenerated more quickly than previously. I can handle it, he is just about handling it, but I'm not a nurse or doctor, so I think we should call in someone who is lol!

And yeah, lol!

I can laugh about it all if I want to, because the other option is to sit and bemoan my fate, and where will that get the AC? Nowhere. He's quieter now, just the occasional bark, so the steam has worked.

And now, a conundrum.

The She-Ex has friends who apparently read the blog to her, thus her getting round the fact that she has said she never reads it.

*IF* you are those friends, pack it in! Stop doing it! You're upsetting her! It doesn't bother me - I stand by every word I've ever said about her, and as 90% are nice and 10% were said in the heat of battle, I don't mind. Most of the time I don't think about her, talk about her, she's not even in our everyday lives, other than the fact that she is BG's mother, and therefore our route to any conversation with BG. I've emailed her in reply to her vitriolic diatribe this morning to try and calm her down before she goes to bed, but I don't know that it will help. However, no one from *this* side of the Pond is attacking her right now, so that should help as well.

I choose not to discuss BG on here, other than to say I miss her, R misses her, we didn't get a phonecall last night, or we did get a phonecall last night, or whatever, because there is nothing to discuss. Currently, there is a report card to discuss, but I'm not doing it on here, because it would achieve nothing. R and the She-Ex will discuss it I expect. I am sad because I *could* help her, but I can't from here. It's my job. It's something I do really really well.

Never mind.

Just, if you are her friends, then *really* be her friend, and don't do this to her? And if you aren't her friend, and you're only doing this to upset her, then don't make stuff up
/ leave things out and add your own commentary.

Perhaps I should just move from here. I shall think on it. But I won't be bullied out of my own blogspace by those who are economical with the truth and facts.

I have other things to do with my life!

Today I need to go to town, sort out the Family Allowance so it's in the right places, treat myself to some material (could be spending up to £4.50 here!) and then get back here and do some work on planning and so on for the term ahead. And see if I want to install activinspire everywhere. And clean the hamster out. And make bread. And hoover. And mark books. And and and and and

Where do I get time to teach lol?

Ah well. We'll see what the day brings.

Monday, April 13, 2009

4 feelings in one day

Today has been a lovely day, and a tiring day, and a worrying day and an irritating day.

Lovely - AC was here, R was here, they played together, we all played together, AC played on his own, we snuggled, they played some more, and so on.

Tiring - AC was fine in the day, and is now back with the cough and the cold and the high temperature. Currently snoring on the sofa.

Worrying - got the BG's report card, AC got really hot again, R has gone off to the place again, (9 more working days!)

Irritating - got the BG's report card lol, R's laptop appears to have given up the ghost, no phonecall, R had to go back, I've had some tummy trouble etc.

Over all though, it was a good day. The goods were lovely, from watching them playing together to seeing the AC finally eat something. Not much, I grant you, but something.

And now I'm sitting here, it feels like a Sunday, which is isn't, it's just been a Bank Holiday Monday, I need to have something to eat, I need to hear from the man, and I'm waiting for the season finale of ANTM.

I have to carry the child up to bed. I know his awake weight is about 3.5 stone, but his asleep weight is about 3.5 tonnes.

Bank Holiday Monday! YAY!

It's Bank Holiday Monday! Yay!
There is no school for the AC and I for another week, although the week is ridiculously busy lol, and there is no work for R today, although he'll leave tonight to be back where he was for another 4 days.

There is school for the BG, but she is stuck on the wrong side of a mountain, and we have no way of getting hold of her. I can't remember the last time a weekends phoning the BG went the way it was supposed to. We have called every time we should have, but not often got through. Still, there's a couple of emails for him this morning from the She-Ex, so doubtless there'l be a good reason. Whichever, BG will be skipping school today lol! Apparently we were supposed to be being sent another number to call, but it never arrived. That's ok. No, really. That's ok.

Anyway, this week!

Monday - Bank Holiday - R goes back. Not long now! :-) Then the next phase begins!
Tuesday - AC to his dads at 9, planning marking and so on for me, sort too small clothes out from the AC's wardrobe. BG's birthday. IF she's back from the mountain pass or whatever. (Well, if she's not it'll still be her birthday lol!)
Wednesday - got to stay in for delivery of stuff, so working on planning, marking and so on. AC back at 6
Thursday - depends on the AC as to what we do. If he's feeling better, we might go swimming or park or something. If not, we'll be up at the doctors lol.
Friday - AC to his fathers at 9am, straight to school, greenhouse going up at 10am, hopefully, Cagine and children coming in the afternoon. R home in the afternoon/evening
Saturday - planning next weeks school stuff.
Sunday - chilling out with the lovely family, possibly taking AC to the pictures.

AC is in a noisy mood, but then he was yesterday until around 10, when he started to warm up, so we'll see.


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Hot day.

It's been a hot day for the AC. He has not gone below 38 all day, and peaked at 39.4 this evening. Thankfully it's going down now, but that, coupled with a tummy issues for both of us, mean that my friend Rachel isn't coming tomorrow after all. We had a long conversation tonight, and basically, we had to think of the children. We had to put our own selfish want to see each other behind us and think about her 2 year old, her 5 year old, my nearly 6 year old. So we aren't going to see each other unless the AC is symptom free for 24 hours before they go back on Sunday.


The AC has just come down, gone for a wee and gone back up and he's asleep before he left the bathroom, so I carried him up.

He's been hot, tired and listless all day, but every now and again he perked up and was his usual self, just really really hot.

I have no idea what he'll be like tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see.

The Red Dwarf-a-thon is going well. The trilogy final part was great. (No spoilers, don't worry!) and the choice of random episodes that they showed around it was superb.

And now we're going to bed. That's enough today. There's so much I could say, but I won't. I know what I think is happening, and I'm trying not to think that way, based on the fact that I'm tired and unwell and he's tired as well.

It's been a lovely Easter day, lots of chocolate found, and he hasn't eaten a bit of it. Ah well. There's always tomorrow.

Teaching. Why would you?

This was written in response to a news story about teachers having breakdowns, and the following Yahoo 'discussion' about teachers and the fact that we have such cushy jobs we shouldn't be stressed. Ever.


I trained as a teacher, I worked 3 jobs whilst I was training, I completed my course and didn't have a teaching job to go straight into, so I worked the summer in a factory, with weekends working in a pub, then did supply work alongside agency work in picking and packing. I worked every summer until my third year of teaching.

I've done "real world" as it is so sweetly referred to. I've done factory work and secretarial work and waitressing and shop work and teaching, and everything I've done I put 100% into it. The difference is, that with the other jobs, I got some appreciation of a job well done. I got tips, or bonuses, or a compliment from the management. With teaching, whilst I get job satisfaction from knowing my children have progressed and been in a safe and well loved environment that has nurtured their growing and independence, I get nothing but hassle from the management team because there is physically not enough time to get everything done. And it's not their fault, the hassle comes from the head, who gets it from the SIP who gets it from the Authority, who gets it from DFES, who gets it from a think tank somewhere that has never, ever been in a school.

In the last 5 years the change in teaching styles with the installation of Interactive WhiteBoards (put in by the county in many cases, with a complete disregard for teachers and their opinions and how it impacts their children), the ever changing assessment criteria, the alterations in the teaching of literacy and numeracy, given with little or no training, the increased in the use of League tables by people who don't understand Contextual Value Added, all of these things have placed huge pressure on teachers. I do not know of another profession where the amount of change is the same as that which teachers have forced upon them term by term.

I don't have discipline problems in my classroom - there were, and I dealt with them. I had to defend my views and actions to the parent who had been told a pack of lies by the child, and who later admitted that they were wrong and didn't want to get into trouble at home, but I dealt with the problems in my room, my way. I took a risk doing that. I have a high number of special needs children, and I deal with them, in my way, with the support of the TA's, and they are making progress. But that takes 3 hours of my weekend, every weekend, and that's just 3 children of my 31. The others take more time, and I accept that.

I have a family, a small son of my own, with the pressures that everyone has in the current financial situation.

It's not about the money (these days I'm happy to have a secure job that I love!) it's not about the workload (Lots of jobs start at 7am and finish at 4pm, with 3-4 hours of work in the evening battling yet another new initiative or programme), it's not about the children and parents (every job has people who are hard to work with and people who we love to work with), it's the utter lack of appreciation for anything that we do as teachers.

I appreciate doctors, nurses, binmen, shop workers, shelf stackers, taxi drivers, people who make tv, most journalists, air traffic control, policemen, stay-at-home mothers and fathers, bank workers, soldiers, naval personnel, airmen and women, fishermen, lorry drivers, social workers, pharmacists, and anyone else who is doing the best they can for themselves and the world around them. I don't bitch about the fact that they can book a day off when they want to, can take a day sick leave without having to plan the work, send it in, and mark it the next day, I don't complain about shops opening late for training purposes, or when the queue in the post office goes on for an hour. I get on with it, and appreciate each individual, knowing that they have a private life, they have stresses and worries and hassles of their own, and it is not right for me to take out my own frustrations on them.

Why is it so hard for other people to do that for teachers?