Tuesday, March 2, 2010

"The Next Time"

I've found the almost perfect song for how I feel.  This is about a breakup, as opposed to a bereavement, but it's so true... I'll paste the lyrics, but the link to youtube is here. 

(and yes, I chose a young Sir Cliff version - who wouldn't?!) 

They say I'll love again someday
That truer love will come my way, the next time
But after you there'll never be a next time for me

They say that I'll find happiness
In someone else warm caress, the next time
I'll soon forget your kiss
And heartaches such as this will just be acient history

They say that I'm a fool to weep
And I won't go on losing sleep, the next time
That someone else will mend the heart you've broken in two
But how can I fall in love the next time
When I'm still so very much in love with you

They say that I'm a fool to weep
And I won't go on losing sleep, the next time
That someone else will mend the heart you've broken in two
But how can I fall in love the next time
When I'm still so very much in love with you

When I'm still so very much in love with you

It's true though.  For all the idea of plenty more fish and so on, I can't imagine anyone else being here like Rich was, because we are so very much in love.  AC and I talked tonight about how we love Rich, and always will, even though we love other people as well, and he asked about me loving Rich because he slept in my bed, and I said that was part of it.  AC was glad Rich didn't sleep in his bed - because sometimes Rich had the worst smelly trumps! (Actually, that's true!  See, I do say the bad things about our relationship as well on here lol!)

Ah well.


Wibbly wobbly!

My gorgeous AC has a wobbly tooth!

Bottom front for anyone interested, and the new one is already pushing through, slightly behind, but that's ok, nothing that we weren't expecting.

It's his first wobbly tooth.  And his first question?  "How will Richard know?"  We talked about how Mummy believes that Richard can see what's going on, and the AC was satisfied with that. 

Yesterday evening was also parents evening.  I wanted to come home and hug Rich so hard for all the times he sat and heard the AC read, or helped with homework, or encouraged his environmental print understanding, because even with everything that has happened this last 7 months, the Adorable Child is either average or above average.  His reading is phenomenal, and he is now totally independent.  We need to work on him reading more fiction, as his penchant is for non-fiction books at the moment, but that's a typical boy thing, and I'll find some books that interest him.  His maths is good, his scientific understanding is great, his attitude towards his work is "confident and hardworking" and towards his school friends is "kind, caring, considerate and helpful"

We talked about how he's managing his grief at school, and he's doing ok with that.  He has strategies in place that help him, he has the bereavement group which is helping him, and he has a strong support network in place which is keeping him going when he finds it tough.  He is so lucky to be in a school where he is loved and cherished and known in such a way, where we have great counselling for him and support and understanding.  He's developing an issue with crowded spaces again, but we got through it before, and we'll get through it again, it's all part of his grieving process.  It's not a quick fix couple of weeks for us - we lived and loved with a wonderful man who just went to work one day and never came home.  However, with the exception of what Ian the brother did, the AC was involved with every aspect of Rich's Celebrations, and that has enabled him to understand more fully what happened.  He will be involved with the Year and a Day Celebrations as well, and will have a role to play, just as he did in the Church. 

I digress.

Anyway, he was allowed to choose tea because it was such a great report.  It was such a great report I could get over the idiocy of his father (I'll write about it later) and when I got an email from the She-Ex last night, I opened it without thinking. It was just the one line.

Look just answer my email already we have been here 6 weeks now.

I haven't opened the other one, and after reading that, I didn't open it again last night.  I will, I will! I just don't think it's going to be nice and so I don't want to open myself up to hurt.  The AC and I are in vulnerable enough places at the moment, and I know that won't matter to her except as an opportunity to have a go, and I'm not up for that right now.  I have to protect the AC and me from all comers, and that means her.  Yes, I will always love the BG, but there is nothing I can do to help her now.  

Right, I have to do sandwiches, brush my hair, and get to work.  AC is dressed and eating an apple.  He ate the worlds biggest chicken kebab last night, so I'm not worried about a lack of proper breakfast lol!

(Oh, and I put another 2ft on the scarf last night!)