Wednesday, May 6, 2009

And so to bed

I have done a days lessons for Mr T.

R has been to governors meeting for AC's school.

I have eaten icecream curled up on the sofa with him watching Eleventh Hour.

And now it's bedtime.

Tomorrow, I am going to choose fabric for a quilt for Emily. YUMMY!

In despair?

I should be working.

I'd rather be sewing.

Instead, I'm sitting in the peace and quiet and in despair.

My job is a teacher. I specialise in children with ASD, but I mainly teach those children who find it hard to learn to read or do maths or whatever. If they find it hard, we work together to find a way to make it make sense. It's what I do. It's my job.

It's not a hobby, it's something I've trained to do. It's not a passing fancy, we've been discussing me changing jobs for a while, but we always end up with me where I am. It's part of who I am - I like to make a difference, I like to see the lightbulbs go on, I like opening up a whole new world for children, which is what happens when they learn to read.

I am trained. I have resources coming out of my ears. I have given advice to parents, professionals, had my ideas taken on at county level and research studies done using them.

Yet for one little girl, I can do nothing.

Without all the facts, I can do nothing for her.
Without knowing the way she reads, reacts to books, reacts to learning, reacts to anything, I can do nothing.
Without looking in her eyes when she picks up a book she has never seen and wants to read, there is nothing I can do.
I need to see her, hear the falters, encourage her, play games with her, watch her and listen to her and spend time with her.

If I could do those things, I *know* I could help her. It's my job, my purpose. I teach, and she needs teaching.

And yet I can't do any of that. Any ideas I have offered in the past have been "stupid" and any help dismissed as my trying to be perfect. Yes, I'm talking about BG.

I love her, and I can't help her.


No, really!

Sometimes the coincidences of life astound me.

No, really, they do.

However, I rise above them (see me rise? Full of hot air?) and I embrace the day.

Hmm. This day started at 0430 because he's on earlies today. The next 2 days he's on lates. Then it's all normal I think. It's all good anyway.

He's loving his job, and the new place and the fact that no one knows the debacle that was his relationship at the old place and the rubbish that was said about him. 3 years on, and none of it stuck, which tells you just how true it was...

But today is a good day. Today started off with random email from the She-Ex, to which I responded with an answer to her random query. Then she said something else, which was the main reason for the previous randomness, (then technically it's conversation, not her email ing me to have a go at him.) so I answered that, asked a few questions, and now.... nothing! I sent the email just before 5am, and have had no response. I get one, I get one, I don't get one, I don't get one. It matters not. We're waiting on other responses on the same issue, and we'll get to the facts eventually.

The child is up (has been since 5 - earlies apparently apply to everyone!) but he's happily in the shower. I need to get dressed, but aside from that, lots of things are done, including most of my literacy reports, which is nice. Numeracy tonight I think. And I'm going to take the laptop in and do more in class to make sure I don't miss anyone. That's a good plan lol! Theres nothing worse than thinking I've done everyone to find there's a couple I didn't. It feels like starting all over again!

Onwards and upwards! I'm on the look out for a quilt block that means something, so if you know any good sites for the meanings behind blocks, that would be great. Other than that, I'm sewing for a little girl who is utterly loveable and doesn't have a blankie. I'll get the material when I can.