Monday, September 21, 2009

Yesterday

Yesterday was the memorial thing for Rich at Cheltenham. It was at the Community Centre where they all used to hang out, and there was about 50 people there I think?

It was nice, it was interesting, a lot of people said Hi, a lot of people introduced themselves, I cried, I shook like a leaf to start with, I drank 6 pints of Theakstons Dark, which was lovely. The FO - now promoted to FL - said his bit, I-t-B said his bit, and we all drank and chatted til late.

The photowall was excellent - I-t-B did a really good job of that.

I need to blog it up to BG, and I will do as soon as I can. It might have to go in two sections - a short one and a longer one later. Maybe she'll get to read it, maybe she won't.

Several people commented on how his smile reached his eyes in the pictures of the two of us together. On how happy he looked. On how contented he looked. On how much weight he had put on and how much better he looked for it.

I miss him.

I miss him so much.

I miss him from waking up to going to bed. School is ok - he was at school, but not every day. Hometimes are hard. Missing him is so hard. Sometimes it feels like I could cry and cry and never stop. I do, and I have to. I told AC off today for something, and he accepted it, then came to me a little later, crying. He was missing Rich. He wanted Rich to tell him off with a joke, but a serious thinking, and then to push him on the swings. He went and played again after a cuddle and so on, but he's suffering. I'm going to look into counselling for him I think. Even if it's just one session and they say he's fine, I want to be sure. I look at all the problems that other children have had, and I think "I don't want that for my son, and I'm not going to let it happen by just ignoring it."

But what to do for the best?

Sleep I expect.

Tired now - but home

I'm so tired.
I'll write about the day later, but right now I've been up since 0430, after a very emotional day, and I'm shattered.
I'll do the blog for BG later, because it's for her, not for the She-Ex.
And as she isn't reading this, it's ok.
So
Tidy
Dishwasher
Washing Machine
Hoovering
Collect child,
home
tea
bath
bed
planning and so on!

To answer....

Sarah is probably going to erase this.

Nope. I wrote a post about it.

but i am the "she-ex"

Yes, you are.

I am tired of being the one who is thought of as the bitch, the horrible person, the one who destroyed Richards life.

You called me a bitch only yesterday morning. On the day I went to a memorial for the man I love. Thankyou.

I'm using names.

You are. See above comment.

My name is Lori Hannis.

Yes it is.

you can find me on face book under that name.

No, you can't. She's put her maiden name back on again, and hyphenated it with Hannis.

I loved richard desperately, still do. I was home sick, something no one ever seems to take in to account.

You said "I hate him!" so many times, you screamed "I hate you you bastard!" down the phone on more than one occasion. You refused to send pictures of his daughter, refused to let him be happy, refused all kinds of things. Not to mention what you did whilst you were actually in the same house as him. But it's not my place to mention that. It's a funny way to show love.

I had not seen my home in over four years, I wanted to be around people who i loved, I missed my family.

"I'm taking your daughter and you will never see her again!" was the phrase you used. I was there when you said it. And it's on all kinds of emails. You said you had no intention of coming back. You hated England and the people in it.

I'm sorry if that's thought of as so wrong.

It's not. Homesick is ok. What you did about it isn't.

I'm sorry if what i did was so wrong, but what mother out there could just let their daughter be left behind???

The mother who promised her daughter would stay here for 6 months whilst she got a steady job and a steady house? The mother who put her friends in situations where they had to lie to her daughter about her mothers whereabouts?

I'm however tired of being the one who is constantly the "she ex" like i'm some disease .

I had to call you something. I have a He-Ex, you were his She-Ex. Not ex-enough, but then you said "I'll never divorce him and leave him free to marry the b****"

All I ask of Sarah is that she leave me out of her blog, she has no business in my life now, nor I in hers. and as of now I will be forgetting she exists.

ok. Well then you won't read this, so you won't know that I've answered it. That's fine!

I would like the things that would be BG to be given to Ian.

BG (because she is a beautiful girl!)

the mug that says "worlds greatest father"

Which one? The one from last fathers day? I bought that, on Sam's instructions, from both of them. The one before that was broken in the house you abandoned (and there is no other word for the state of that house.)

I gave that to HIM from HER. that does not belong to AC.

Leave AC out of this. He's lost enough already.

There.

Indeed.

Well it was not nice to come back from an emotional evening to find this, but as the day started with

and for the last damned time,

that was not what happened.

i wanted to VISIT the states, i was HOME SICK

but no


no one gives a shit about me.

it's all poor richard and how horrible i made his life

well done bitch

on my email, I knew what would be waiting. Yes, it is poor Rich. He died, horribly, in a bike accident, too young, leaving a family he loved, a future he was looking forward to, and a life he was really, really enjoying. It's poor BG, poor AC, poor his friends, poor me, poor RAF. To some extent, I don't have the energy to be poor Lori right now. I've done it so much over the years.

Never mind.