Wednesday, December 30, 2009


I'm tired!

I might actually sleep!


I'm going to watch the news and go to bed.

AC is over fed with rubbish but he's calmed down after lots of cuddles and snuggles and water.

He's happy that AB is on his way home from the hot and sandy lands.  He worries.  He worries for AB's daughter and if she worries about her Daddy.

AC is a good kid.  He values other people.  Rich was a good role model for him for that.    We wanted him to know that people matter more than things.  He got that.  He and Rich talked about a lot of stuff.  He was such a good father to my son, as a friend of mine said, "the child of his hearth and heart, and only accidentally not of his loins."  I'm happy with that.

I suspect.....

.... that the email in the She-Ex's folder is another horrible one.  It won't be an apology for the way she's behaved, I doubt it very much.  I didn't email her this morning.  I don't see why I should allow her to hurt me.  That's the choice I'm making.  I won't allow it.  So I will open her email sometime, but not yet.

Just now I freecycled my rocking chair.  Rich and I got it and we had planned for me to nurse our babies in it.  Well, that's not happening now, so it's gone to someone for whom it will happen.  It's a bittersweet feeling, but that's two words in one, and I choose the one I focus on, and I choose sweet.

There we go.

Anyway, AC is back in an hour or so. That will be fantastic! I miss him so much, but I know it's good for him to spend time with his father.  He loves him.  Rich could have gone other places instead of where he went, but he stayed around here so AC could see his Daddy,  He didn't want to put another child through the half of what BG had gone through, not if it could be avoided, and it could.

Right.  I need to find the muslin

That's what she said.....

This is in reply to the emotional post I sent yesterday.  I'm probably not going to send this, because it would just make things worse, and I don't want to do that, but she's being awful right now.  However, she always is around her birthday (January sometime early on) because she thinks she's old, fat and unloved. Hopefully the new job will cheer her out of that this year.  Anyway......

because Sarah you haven't told me what my options are for BG to have of her fathers.

can you THINK for a moment that maybe i cannot read your mind and see inside your house?


I guess not.

I want the wedding ring for BG
that is if he didn't shove it somewhere.

and frankly he wasn't a saint
he was horrible to me a good many times
and no..right now i cannot miss him very much.

I do however see how much better rachel is doing now that she knows her father will never take her away.

sorry but that's the truth

What I'd like to say.........

He never said to her, or to you, that he would take her away.  Your mother (you told us) said that if she was naughty she'd have to go live with Daddy.  Yeah, she did.  Rich never told her she'd come and live here.  She was supposed to be coming over for a visit last summer, but in the end her mother backed out of it all.  Oh well.  So BG hasn't seen her father since she was 3.5, and now she never will, and it's her mothers fault.  Her selfish choices did this to that little girl.  That's where all this comes from.  And if BG is doing so much better, why is the She-Ex hassling me for a DC so she can get BG medication?  I smell a rat here people!

Your wedding ring was, (you told us) thrown back into the house as you left.  I have no idea where that went.  Probably up a hoover.  But you clearly didn't want it for Rachel or you'd have kept it.  (I'd love to ask "Where did you think he would shove it?")

Rich's wedding ring was dealt with by him.  He took it out with him to the garden, and did whatever he needed to do with it, to unpromise himself from you.  You were refusing to get the divorce sorted, and we understood where you were emotionally with that, but spiritually, he was ready to move on from you.  so he did.  We Promised to each other, in a lovely, lovely way, and he wanted to be free of the burden of the She-Ex before he did it.  He also asked my parents if he could marry me, as well as asking me, which I thought was lovely and my parents really approved of.

He was never, ever horrible to me.  I know both of you were horrible to each other - no one I've spoken to has a good word to say for your relationship.  He thought you'd make life better after his father died, and he could escape.  He ran away from the pain, and into you.  What happened after that depends who I talk to.  You did nothing wrong, he did everything bad, according to you.  According to him, it was both of you, but mainly the internet stuff you got up to that was difficult for him to deal with - he doesn't share well lol!  But it's all water under the bridge.  I know the relationship we had, and it was amazing.  We had 3 arguments in the years we were together, and not because I backed down all the time, but because we love each other and we talked about things, we thought about what the other person would like.  It's how relationships work well. You see, that wouldn't go down well.  She's shouted at me before about my *perfect* relationship with Rich, and it wasn't perfect, but we didn't expect it to be and we worked hard to make it as good as we could.

With regards to what is in the house, well, you've made your position perfectly clear.  I will deal with it Lori, and BG will get a parcel from me, at some point, probably via I-t-B, or maybe when she comes over here some time, with the things I have set aside for her.  I had assumed that, as you had also lost your father at a reasonably young age, you would know what had mattered to you.  Now I know differently, and that's ok, I understand more.  Everything is a learning experience. She thinks he didn't have clothes? Or books? Or something?  What is she like?  All her junk from their house which is left in the loft is going to the dump then.  Or I'll sell it maybe.  I won't actually, I'll probably just charity shop it and it can do someone some good. 

What I have said.......



Much the best option I believe!  I love blogging - I get to vent and get it off my chest and it's done.  You'll note the complete lack of acknowledgement that she's done anything mean and nasty or namecalling or anything like that - it's all *my* fault.  and that's when I started to laugh.  I mean, I can't argue with her, and if you don't laugh, well, sometimes you'll cry, and I'll be darned if *she* makes me cry lol!  She's lovely, and I liked her such a lot, but if she was anymore selfish and self-focused she would create a black hole in her own insides with the force of it all, (That's not meant to sound mean, it was a funny picture in my head lol!)

Now on with the day - where did 9am come from?

99 things

I stole this from Holistic Mama who is the kind of mother I'm working towards being in my life.  I don't think any of us can ever say we are perfect parents, and she doesn't, but she does keep on trying, and even finds time to think about the deeper parts of life.

I likes!

Anyway, she did this......

99 things

At a time when people are reflecting...... this was a bit o' fun...

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want (or might want) to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog.

2. Slept under the stars.

3. Played in a band.

4. Visited Hawaii.

5. Watched a meteor shower .

6. Given more than you can afford to charity.

7. Been to Disneyland/world.

8. Climbed a mountain. - 

9. Held a praying mantis.

10. Sang a solo.

11. Bungee jumped.

12. Visited Paris.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.

14. Taught yourself an art/craft from scratch.

15. Adopted a child.

16. Had food poisoning.

17. Let someone else take the credit.

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.

20. Slept on an overnight train. 

21. Had a pillow fight .

22. Hitch hiked.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.

24. Built a snow fort -

25. Held a lamb.

26. Gone skinny dipping.

27. Run a marathon.

28. Ridden a gondola in Venice. 

29. Seen a total eclipse.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.

31. Hit a home run.

32. Been on a cruise.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. 

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing.

40. Seen Michelangelo's David in person.

41. Sung Karaoke.

42. Rode a camel.

43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant. -

44. Been on an African safari. -
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Done something illegal.

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling. 

52. Kissed in the rain.

53. Played in the mud.

54. Gone to a drive-in theatre.

55. Been in a movie.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout cookies. 

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Received flowers for no reason.

64. Donated blood.

65. Gone sky diving.

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.

67. Bounced a cheque.

68. Flown in a helicopter.

69. Kept a favourite childhood toy.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.

71. Eaten caviar.

72. Pieced a quilt.

73. Stood in Times Square.

74. Been on TV.

75. Been fired from a job.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.

77. Broken a bone. 

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.

80. Published a book. -

81. Visited the Vatican.

82. Bought a brand new car.

83. Walked in Jerusalem.

84. Had your picture in the newspaper.

85. Read the entire Bible. 

86. Visited the White House.

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.

88. Listened to Tibetan monks chanting, in person.

89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.

91. Met someone famous. -

92. Joined a book club.

93. Lost a loved one.

94. Had a baby.

95. Seen the Alamo in person.

96. Went skinny-dipping.

97. Been involved in a law suit.

98. Owned a cell phone.

99. Been stung by a bee.

I was right....

.... it was a rude, mean aggressive email.

I know she's a good person underneath, but oh my word it's buried deeeeeeeeeep.

I'm going to just get on with life today.  I may answer it later, I may not, but I'm glad I didn't read this last night.

She gives Americans a bad, bad, name.