Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fathers Day

Fathers Day was wonderful. Amazingly wonderful.

This morning AC made a card for R, cutting and sticking his writing into the right places. I didn't send a scan of it to BG as hers still hasn't shown. That would just have been unkind. Once the card was made it went under the AC's bed to dry.

AC and I snuggled on the sofa, vegging out a bit and watching some tv, and playing Worms. In the end I had to get going, so I folded the notices. R came down and offered to take us, but I needed the walk so we walked up, AC ran in, gave the notices in, and we walked back, playing "I Spy" and "Only Walk on....." and so on. However, when we got back I was exhausted. R went to Tesco and did a few bits, coming back with pizza for lunch. He said that on the grounds that it was Father's Day, he was choosing pizza for lunch!

Then it was Grand Prix, and a good one at that. Having said that, I slept through a lot of it because I was just so damn tired. I had 3 hours sleep last night, partly pain, partly itching, partly worrying about Fathers Day, but anyway, it was all good. AC and R played a lot this afternoon, mainly lightsabers, and then AC showed R some of his martial arts forms, which R knew from when he did a similar sport, and so they did some training on improving his forms and the crispness of his moves. It was lovely to watch them being together.

AC spent 20 minutes on the phone to his father, chatting about Fathers Day and life and toys and stuff. They only saw each other yesterday, and they'll see each other on Tuesday, but they love to talk and I have to work hard to facilitate that, because that's my job, as the mother. I have to be responsible for their relationship, and bite my tongue at times. But today, AC was happy and his Daddy was really happy. I had a text to thank me for making today such a nice day for him. It's nice to be thanked.

We had crumpets for tea, and AC gave R his present, because we realised that if the She-Ex phoned when they said they would, AC would be in bed and not able to give his present to R. So we gave it earlier than planned, but to be fair, AC had hung on all day to give his present, so he didn't mind. And he did decide to leave the other presents in the cupboard, even though the big mug was from him and BG, because it mattered to him, but he understood the situation with BG and R, and to some extent the She-Ex, although we don't talk her down in front of him, so he was happy for BG to give both the presents. I loved him so much at that point, for being the kind, caring, loving child that he is. For putting the needs of a child who ghosts through our lives, before his own desires.

In the end though, the She-Ex phoned early, and all the presents were opened, all the love was shared, and everyone was happy. The blog is done, and now this blog is done, and I might head to bed soon.

R and I have talked a lot today, and a lot more since Friday's appointment. He is supportive and caring, and understanding, and I love him. He made me think of something that my mother said to me once.

"Any man can be a father, it takes someone special to be a Daddy."

He is a wonderful Daddy, to BG, and to AC.

And if other people don't like it, then they will have to learn to. It isn't stopping.

What a day.

Today has been wonderful. We have determined it to be wonderful. Father's Day is painful for R, for obvious reasons, which were not helped today by emails and oddness from the She-Ex. She says she is tired of me badmouthing her, when all I expressed was sympathy and pity for her situation.

So I'm going to leave that there. I know she reads this now, for all her assertations that she didn't, which I knew to be incorrect. She had the temerity to correct me on the reasons I had written something, but lets look at the facts -

1) it's *my* blog.
2) *my* brain thinks of the words.
3) *my* fingers type the words.

Given 1, 2 and 3 above, I think *I* know the reasons why I write something. If I say it was out of sympathy, then it was, although tbh, after the antics of today, there's precious little of it left. It was a good attempt at spoiling the day, and a more cynical person than me would say it was deliberate. But let us not argue over little things. She made her choice, and now she's living with the results - but she forgets we all are living them, all living the result of her choice. And tired of being blamed for her choice.

In the end, BG phoned, R opened the presents on the phone to her, and AC was still up, so he got to be there as well, which was nice, and so I emailed the She-Ex to thank her for phoning at a time that meant the AC could be involved.

So, on to what happened on Fathers Day that mattered. Because the rubbish that we had today from her, well, that was just an irrelevance. If we let it matter, we wouldn't do anything. And we do!

Ok, I'm ticked,

I got up to this.

"bg drew a picture.

she wants to say "Happy Fathers Day"

I would like to set up a video chat with them

what time is acceptable for you, Your Royal Highness?"

So I'm done with the childishness for now. I've told her that as soon as today is over I am not emailing her again unless it's about BG's reading, which it won't be, because she isn't doing the work anyway.

No "Thankyou for getting the gifts for BG."
No "Thankyou for trying to get a card sorted out for BG."
No "Thankyou for emailing BG the pictures, she likes x,y, or z)
No "Thankyou for helping her with her reading."
No, nothing like that.

So, I'm done. Anything she needs doing will have to go through R, and as he's going away towards the end of the month, that won't be a lot. Tough. I'll let him know what's going on when he gets up, not because I want him to do anything about it, but because he needs to know why he will have to sort out the video chat email.

Inside me, I know it's because she feels inferior about not being able to get things done, and that she thinks this is me being "perfect", just as she has done before, but really, she needs to grow up. I am not going to pander to her feelings. She created this. So I wasn't rude to her, which tbh after 3 hours sleep I felt like being, because I have control over my fingers when they type lol! I pity the woman, because to be this childish at her age, is just plan sad. And it's the example she's showing BG. (Just as that level of understanding of punctuation is the example she's showing BG!)

We do our best, but I doubt BG saw the pictures I took last night, I doubt BG has seen the blog in months, I doubt that BG is encouraged to be part of our lives at all. This is a prime example of that.

I'll get over it, I'm sure, because I'm not so petty as to hold this kind of grudge. But it'll take a while, and until then, if R doesn't or can't do it because he's away, it's not getting done. I don't need to be spoken to like this by someone like her! I don't want to speak to her in the way she'd like me to speak to her, because it would lower me to her level, and I don't want that. I'm better than that. She's better than that if she puts some effort in. BG is so much better than that, worth so much more than that!

Children first. It's always been our motto, and rarely has it been hers.