Monday, October 5, 2009


There's lots of stuff here that I have to sort through. I haven't even unloaded the car from the last time Rich used it.

When I type it, it sounds so silly, but it doesn't feel it.

There's a lot of clothes on the bed too. For now, they'll go in the ottoman, until I think what to do with them.

There's a box of shoes, a bag of socks and pants, and all kinds of other bits and pieces, let alone actual items.

There's just life. There's just our lives, all around me, and I have to make it back to my life again.

And I should start soon. No-one else is interested or has said what they want or need, so it's up to me.

I'll find a way - I have a gorgeous son to carve a new life for.

I just wish I wasn't having to do this, that's all. Just wish he was home.

It should be about now, and it never will be.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod-mega-gadget-thingy! Wooo!


It's early.

I woke up at the new wake up time, (which appears to e 0528) and here I am. Animals are fed, shower is next.

I meant to blog last night about so much stuff, and now I'll have to do it later. I was so tired when I got to bed I literally just crashed out. That's nice.

And I dreamt a journey with Rich, and there was nothing surprising about this journey, we were just in the Rangy, going somewhere. I think it was Norwich, but my sense of direction is legendary, so I can't say that for certain.

We were driving, and chatting, and he had his hand on my leg, like he used to do so much when we were on bigger roads. I can still feel it. His hand, just resting on my leg and his thumb rubbing little circles. Just pure affection.

And then he looked over at me, and said "I love you sweetheart." and I said "I love you too."

That was the end of the dream I clearly remember, there was more to it but it was just everyday stuff. In a way though, that little segment of our lives was every day stuff too.

In the 4.5 years I knew him, the 4 years we were seeing each other, he never said anything nasty to me, never called me a name, never told me I'd let him down, and in fact told me on a fair few occasions that I had never and could never let him down. He was always a gentleman, and a gentle man.

He loves me.
I love him.

I know he was proud of AC at his demonstration yesterday. (I opened up the blog to send the pictures to BG, and then closed it - she wouldn't be allowed to look at it anyway, and even if she did there wouldn't be a comment. See here for stats! AC wants me to tell her, but....)

I know he loves us and we love him.

As the song says "That may be, all I need to know."