Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Day 14 - a picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

I can't answer this one.

I can't answer it, because I can imagine my life without any individual in it.  I've done it, I've been there, and I can imagine the heartbreakingly numb emptiness, because I've felt it.  I know what it is like to wander from room to room, looking for something that you don't know what it is, only to realise it's not a what, it's a who, and he's never coming home.  I know what it is like to call someone up the stairs, and suddenly remember he will never answer you in that way again.  I know what it is like to make too many cups of tea, out of habit, and look at his, in his cup, and want to throw it against the wall, but instead to empty it, and wash it up, and dry it, and put it away for when his daughter might want it.  I know the feeling of coming home bursting with good news to tell, and have no one there, because they will never be there again like they were.

So I moved away from people. Heartachingly enough, I can imagine life without J, or my parents, or the AC.  The night I dreamed the death and Celebration of the AC was horrendous.  But even then, I cannot say, there would be no point, I would not carry on, because people do, and I would.  At times, I would love to have given up after Rich died, but I couldn't, and I wouldn't, not physically, not mentally, not in any way.

So I moved on to things.

I love many things in my life, but they are just things.  I love my laptop, my computer, my iPad, my iPhone, the way that they keep the world near me, but at a distance if I'm not ready for the world.  I love my slow cooker, my Quick2Boil one cup of tea maker, my breadmaker, my dishwasher, my washing machine for the way they make my life so much easier and more efficient.

And then it came to me.

I love my shower.  I love my cups of tea. I love my washing machine and dishwasher.  I love my baths.  I love cold squash on a hot day and hot squash on a cold day.  What couldn't I imagine living without?

Running water.

Oh we've all managed for a couple of days here and there, but really?  For the rest of my life? Nope.  I cannot imagine life without running water.  It strikes me as one of those things that makes civilisation the way it is, that those without it in the Western World are somehow third class citizens, as those in the Third World without it are.  I know many people live happily with wells and so on, but I have none of that available to me. So there we go.

Running water.