Today is the first day of Lent.
I am detoxing my heart, my mind and my body. I'm staying off of unnecessary internet, (I have to use it for work, or I would cheerfully not do internet at all!) I'm staying away from tea, processed white sugar, over processed food, and drinking more water. I'm trying to complete the 40day Bible adventure as well.
Lots of reasons.
I like Lent. I always get the feeling I am not supposed to like it, but I do. I like the time to refocus on what matters - God, the boys, real friends, me. In that order. I am an easily led child. I am easily sucked into stuff that takes me away from what matters. Recently, Safer Internet Day, the new hardware, the new assessment process, the general tiredness, the Y2 thing, have all taken me away from what matters - God, the boys, real friends, me.
I have been not chasing God in the way I need to. He is always there for me, but I am not stepping up the way I should do. I need to be more proactive in finding out more about Him. I was angry with him, so angry, after Rich's accident, because it took away so many dreams and hopes. But J and I have new dreams, new hopes, and they are there because J is there and he is there because that's where God wants us to be. He has done His bit, I am not doing mine right now. That needs to change.
The AC and I are finding Y6 harder that we thought. He has the school he wanted for next year, but he is struggling to find his place in Y6, and that's just the way it is. I know that because I am a teacher, I've taught Y6 so many times, and I didn't want the AC to be one of *those* children, which is not a bad thing, but it's hard to watch him searching for something that he doesn't even know what it is. I need to take this time to reconnect better with him as well.
I need to make more of an effort with T-boy as well. I don't write on here about him a lot. He is so very different to the AC, and I struggle to connect with him sometimes. I always step back, and encourage him to have time with J because they don't see each other and I don't want to get in the way. Maybe that's not helping.
J is amazing. I need to make sure he knows I think he is amazing. I'm also going to be reading 'Power of a Praying Wife', which is such a fabulous book for refocusing the mind and heart.
I've lost contact with some Real Friends recently. We are all just busy, there's no row, there's no falling out, there's nothing bad, we're just busy. I write to the Old Dear, I've written to my aunt recently, I need to write to more people. I tend to think about phoning people at stupid o'clock in the morning. Then I forget. Then I remember when we're all at work. Then I forget. Then I remember when it's late at night. Then I forget. You can see where this is going....
Lastly, is me. I need to think a bit more about what I want, where I want to be, what I want to do. There's a few courses I want to do, but they take money, stupidly huge amounts for a Masters now. I want to sew. I haven't sewn for a long time now. I itch to get the pedal under my foot and watch something take shape, almost without me. I am reading more, (loving the Kindle) I am baking more and cooking more homemade things. We are having a back to basics with food because we'd got a bit take-away happy. I'm having a detox because I'm relying on sugar to get through the day now. I'm carrying some extra poundage which is pressing on my joints. Not masses of it (I'm 11st4, 158lb for anyone who is interested!)
It's Lent. It's a time of thoughtful preparation. It's a time of change. It's 40 days of working for change, because it won't happen by itself.