Sunday, June 28, 2009

Hot, tiredish, but happy. Kinda


Yeah, kinda.

Happy because life is pretty flaming good really. My son is home again (YAAAAAAAAAAAY!), my mum has been on MSN to see how I am, tea was lovely (tho I says it as shouldn't) and I've upped my steps from previous days.


She-Ex has been on the email all night. I don't mind in many ways, as long as she's being polite. It's lots of "You don't understand x or y or z" and I bet we understand more than she thinks, because parenting is parenting. Living is living. Life is life.

Or maybe not. We are vastly different people, with different priorities, values, and foci. That's cool. Mine work for me, hers work for her. (Well I'm guessing they do, or else why have them lol!)

But we are both living the choices that we made. We live each other choices in many ways. We have these weirdly intertwined lives, knotted together like a fishermans net after a storm. It's froody. I make it froody. Otherwise I'd be hating her intrusions into my life, and why would I want to spend so much of my life hating?

Kinda because I miss R. I haven't heard from him properly since Friday night, although I had a text at 3am which usually means signal problems. It's not like I have to have him check in so I know he isn't straying - I love and trust him, and mostly those things are in the minds of the people left at home, not the reality of the people away doing their job. I also know he loves and trusts me, and respects me as a person, and us as a family. I love the security of knowing that. But I miss him.

Kinda because I still have 2 days at home. I can't go back to school until Wednesday, at least. If then. But I'm going to push to go back then. Wednesday is my ppa day anyway, Thursday is an easy day, and Friday is trip, so work wise it's an easy week and would be a good way to ease myself back in.

Most of the kinda is.... well..... I would hesitate to call what I get PMT, because I'm not tense with it lol. For me, that's in the mind. (as is so much stuff!) but I feel big, and I feel heavy, and bleugh.

Yeah. Kinda.

Polygamy and love and stuff

I'm watching this programme at the moment about Polygamy.

It's not something I would ever consider, although we did slightly consider a more kibbutzim style of living when Welshbint's relationship, my relationship, and R's relationship all fell apart at the same time. It was going to be great. R would go to work, I would homeschool the many children, and Welshbint would go to college and learn to be a teacher. It was a joking dream. R and I weren't together then, we were just all friends, who needed a safe and loving place to be, and we had that in each other.

There are many, many ways to love. I love my son. I love BG. I love R. I love my parents. 3 generations of love, in different forms. I love my brother and my sister, differently, but the same. I love the cat. (I'm quite fond of the guinea pig, but.... well..... he's a guinea pig!) I am fascinated by Dave and by the fish.

I have friends I love, that I would do anything for. SiM. Welshbint. Oxford-Rachel. Godfather Fat. People like that.

Love is such a powerful emotion, such a huge thing, and yet we take it for granted. "I love spaghetti."

Love is, essentially, wanting the best for someone, working towards that person having the best, regardless of personal cost. I've just typed that, reread it, and suddenly realised that God did that. He wanted the best for us, and worked to wards it, regardless of personal cost.

Woah man.

I need to think on that. I'm almost grokking it, but not quite.

Firm but fair

There has just been a brief email exchange between the She-Ex and I. She's very attacking today, and rather than get angry, I prayed, and then was able to answer her firmly, but kindly and fairly. She provided several things that could have provoked an argument (like the fact apparently we've told her off for going to places without a phone signal - she was planning to go up a mountain on Fathers Day, I think that is a little different to going to Surrey where one would expect there to be a signal! Mind you, she might mean another time, who knows!) and I refused to argue with her, pointing out that I was not going to row, and that the only thing she had emailed about his going away was whether she was going to get her money. We answered that, and she didn't ask a single thing else!

So now she's shushed again. Back to normal service people, nothing to see here.

Thank goodness for prayers answered.


I think I like the new blog background. I need to play with the wigets and have a reorganise I think.

I have finished the green quilt top today, and it looks good. I have started quilting the purple small top, and it's looking lovely. I've not done machine quilting like this before, and it is tricky in places. It just needs practice and time, and that's something I have a LOT of right now.

Or I did, because the AC is due back in 33 minutes. I have missed that child! I've got a lot done without him, because it's not like I don't exist without him lol, but I love him, and so obviously I want him around more often than he is!

Let's get going! Time to put the sewing stuff away, and get a shuffle on.

Nipping out

I've just nipped out to take the notices up to church.

It is a grey morning, full of haze which will, no doubt, burn off. It is hot, sticky and muggy out there, and in here, but oh my word I live in a beautiful world.

At 6.30am, the birds do not flit away, the squirrels just sit and watch, and the sound of the singing fills the air. It is amazing.

I will write more later, but right now I need a cup of tea.