Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Flying again!

We went flying again last night.  I love flying.  I'm not a stick jockey at the moment, not on outdoor planes, but I will be as soon as reports are finished.  I miss flying my heli, although I am the first to say that I am RUBBISH at doing it lol!  AC is excellent and champing at the bit to fly big planes.  He has to wait until J has his 'A' certificate so that he can buddy lead him.  Buddy leads are great because they connect two transmitters and the experienced pilot can allow the trainee to fly, but as soon as the finger comes off the button then the experienced pilot has the controls and can take the plane over safely.  He loves his Ember though, and enjoyed his minium, but he wants to fly 50's.  They are bigger than he is.......

And it's early.  It's now 5.27 and I've been up for an hour.  The question is, am I up because my head aches, or does my head ache because I'm up?  Answers on a postcard?  I have a long day of teaching ahead of me, a lot to get done, and I fell like stuff on a stick.  And not the good stuff neither.  I'm planning a day of tight focused work, and then if I start to crumble this afternoon, if the headache comes back then, I know that the children have their tasks.  It's all good.

I will make it all good.

I'm also reading 31 days to clean, redownloading Power of a Praying Wife, just trying to get me head together, my quiet space time together, just get focused really.  End of term is coming.  The end of the academic year, and the anniversary of Rich's death.  But for me, it's not about dates, but markers. That's the two year marker.  Yes, the 17th of July matters, it will always matter, but for me it's every end of term, and especially the end of the summer term last year.  It just hit me like a smack in the face at 1115 last summer term and I had to leave the room and fall apart quietly for a few moments.  I remember the fear that swept over me, the pain and understanding what the word anguish meant.  Will it happen again?  I don't know.  Will I be prepared for it? Yes.  Will preparing for it make it happen? I don't know.  I don't know.

I will make it all good.  Rich and I used to say "It will all be fine".  I look at the boys flying last night, and how much they love each other, and how much they love me and I love them, and how much love there is all over this house and support, and I know it will all be fine.  Whatever the end of this year brings.....