Friday, June 29, 2012

Lying to your children.

The post today is inspired by a linky from Ninja Killer Cat in which she talks about lying to your children, and is looking for posts about whether we should or shouldn't.

I've never been happy with that.  I've allowed the AC to enjoy Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy and so on as part of his cultural heritage.  I've actively encouraged his belief in Father Christmas et al in the year after Rich died, because my little had had such a massive shock to his world, that he needed something to believe in.

I think Rich's death was the most complicated to negotiate in terms of lying to my boy.

On the day of the accident, I had to tell him Rich had died.  Because we didn't have all of the details, (and as it turned out, my interpretation of events was the right one) I had to tell him something.  He was 6 years 1 month old, and he understood Rich coming off his bike, but he wouldn't have understood how that killed him, so I told him that a car went over Rich and he died.  It turned out not to be quite a lie, but at the time it was all I had in my still-in-shock brain.

In the days after the accident, I told him that Rich's brother was going to sort everything out, and that we didn't need to worry.  That turned out to be a lie, although initially it wasn't a deliberate one.  As time went on, I wanted the AC to believe and trust the brother, even though I was having my doubts.  As it was, I was right.

Obviously, the most common lie was the "Mummy is fine darling, just having a moment."  which was code for "Actually, I miss him so bad my heart feels like it is going to explode out of me, but you still need things doing, so lets slap on a game face and go do stuff!"

I try not to lie to the child.  He is 9 now, and big and strong and braver than most, and has been through more than most, and survived with a smile.  I don't tell him "later" or "we'll see." if the real answer is no.  He understands about mortgages and bills and earning money and not having it for nice things sometimes.  Do I think he knows too much?  Perhaps.  Can I take it away? No.  Would I if I could?  I don't know.  It's made him who he is today.  Would I rather have lied, and said Rich will be back soon, just to delay the moment of breaking his heart?  No.  It had to be done.

Sometimes, perhaps, there are lies that need to be told, like Father Christmas, but mostly, the truth is like the sun - you can shut it out for a time, but it ain't going away.  (Elvis said that!)

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Work is work, home is home!

It's been a week or so since I've written on here, and it's been a busy week.  This time of year is always full of reports and doing of things that Must Be Done, and on top of that I've had 3 late meetings this week.

Monday's was the one that really narked me off though.  I provide my children with a website from which they can collect homework, email each other, communicate with me, collect extra information and so on.  I run it in my own time, and I make sure that it is secure.  I have had comments from parents about how they as parents want to know more about it, don't know enough, want to know how they can help their child, don't want their child using the internet, and so on.  My response to this was to run 3 meetings.

2.15-3.15 (So they could come to school, go through it all, and then collect children.
3.30-4.30 (So they could finish work, collect children, then go through it all, then go home)
6.00-7.00 (So they could finish work, grab a quick bite, come to the meeting, with or without a child, option being that both parents/partners are home so one can come and one can babysit)

These meetings were held at parents request for more information.

Attendance was as follows.

2.15-3.15 - 0
3.30-4.30 - 0
6.00-7.00 - 2 sets. (mother and grandfather from one family, father and daughter from another family)

So I finished Monday thinking why do I bother?  Parental involvement is all very well when they want to moan about what we don't provide, but when we do provide it, in our own time, then they don't want to know anyway!  I sent out letters, and reminder slips, so it's not as if they didn't know about it being on.  The two sets who did come really enjoyed it and said they got a lot out of it.  The Boss came in for half of it and found it really interesting.  But no doubt next week I will get a parents saying he hasn't done his homework because she didn't understand what he was on about.

Yesterday's late meeting also annoys me, but not because I had it, just because of why I had to have it.  All TA's now are expected to get NVQ L2.  Fine!  No problem with that - but does it have to involve so much Excel work when they will NEVER use that level of work with a child?  I had a TA in tears yesterday because she doesn't want to fail and let people down.

Tonight is my favourite meeting though.  Tonight is the feeder school new parent's meeting.  They come to us at Y3 from a local infant school, and we provide a meeting, 2 mornings of transition, a whole day of transition, and opportunity for parents to talk to us at any time.  It's always interesting to meet the parents, hopefully meet the children for the first time and so on. This year we have 7 coming, so we'll see how many turn up to the meeting.  I suspect all of them will! (I hope so, anyway)

And it's been SATs this week - and regular readers will know my opinion on those lol!

Anyway, more work to do - the SIP is coming to watch me teach on Friday week.  He's like an area chap who comes in to help schools from a county level.  He's coming to me because I went on that long course in January time.  It's all good.

So that's work, being work.

Home is home! (When I'm there to see it!)

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Best..... weekend...... EVER!!!!

Ok, well, maybe not the absolute best, because Caroline's wedding is up there, and when the AC was born is up there, but this is one of the Best Weekend's Ever!


What a jolly good question! (As you can tell from my style of writing, I'm in an offensively good mood!)

A clue.....

Another clue!


Ok.  We have spent the last couple of days with.......  MARIGOLD!

Before anyone gets too excited, she's not ours, she's on hire from in Warwick, and she is ours until Monday lunchtime.  Yesterday we drove her back from Warwick to Lynn.  She did very well!  J had to get used to a complete lack of powered anything (i.e. when you put the screen washer on, the lights dimmed!) and a gearbox that was like stirring soup and guessing, but that is nothing against bounce, that is just what a 1976 original T2 is like.

But she is gorgeous, so we took her to Lifestyles which is an event at Hunstanton.  She drove like a dream.  She's got a T25 engine in her as opposed to her original, but she is lovely!

Obviously J had to clean her - she was at a show after all!

She shone in the sun when she was done.  We went over her with Fast Glass and she was shiny shiny shiny!

We spent the day chilling out, watching the events at Lifestyles, eating sandwiches, wandering around the place, and definately, just enjoying being together.

We left, and then went over to my sisters, and had a brew and a chat.  It was, all in all, a very fabulous day.

Aside from the MASSIVE sunburn which I have on my back because I wore a dress for the first time in a long time.  I don't know if I've lost inches, and I know I've missed a couple of days listening to the Slimpod, but I am easily influenced lol, so I think it is working.  I do know that I am eating less often, and that when I do eat (which I do, don't get me wrong lol!) I don't want as much.  I'm not eating for the sake of eating.  I'm not finishing food just because it is there.  I'm also finding that I remember most of the bits that affect me.

Like I say, it's a gorgeous day, with a gorgous van, and a gorgeous life!