Sunday, March 22, 2009

This blog is easy...

... it's the other one that's hard right now.

I write, as I've mentioned before, a blog for BG every week, so that she knows what we have and haven't been up to. We don't have hugely exciting lives - there's not the money for that - but we do family stuff and we tell her anything that we would tell the AC. And the AC is here, so anything he's done is reasonable to go in it, but is it?

We get very little response from BG about the blog. Some weeks she sees it, some weeks we're not so sure. But even so, there are things I don't put in there. There are wonderful pictures this week of R and the AC messing about with AC's bike, sorting out the brakes and the seat and so on. And I didn't send them to her, because if I was her, I wouldn't want to see the kind of closeness that AC and R have. If I was her, I'd be thinking, "That's *my* Daddy!" but I don't even know if she thinks like that, because she was so young when she was moved so far away from him. There's things that R does here, and in the back of his head I can see him thinking that he should be doing this with BG as well - like showing her how to do the brakes on a bike, and so on. Today, after doing all the stuff on the bike, R and AC suddenly disappeared, without saying anything, and they'd gone for a quick trip up the road to test the bike. They started the day with surprises for me that AC had made and R had hidden. And I know he wants to do this with BG and right now, maybe he never will. And apparently that's fair...

Bizarrely though, the She-Ex wished me a happy mothering Sunday, so I thanked her, via R, and she now says we have to work things out so we can be civil to one another. I've never had a problem with being civil to her, she's the one who ends up cussing and blaming it all on me. We'll see. We've been here before. I'd like it to work out, but I don't know if I can put R and BG through it again.

And so to GotPM and bed. Snuggle times with the man. Making the most of them, I most surely am.

Blogging on a quote

"We do not write in order to be understood. We write in order to understand." - Cecil Day Lewis

I found this quote earlier, on the children's poetry archive website, and it explains to me why I blog in the way I do. I don't write for anyone else's benefit, I write for mine, and in writing, I see the words on the screen and it is sometimes a surprise to me that they say what they say.

I write with my inner censor turned off. (aside from in the blogging about sex post which could have got very TMI if I had turned my inner censor *right* off!) and so what comes out almost bypasses my conciousness, and thus is a direct feed from my real feelings. And yes, I am perturbed by just how rambling a lot of my writing is lol!

I am not writing on here, wanting anyone else to understand me, or seeking validity of my feelings or thoughts from external sources. It is not a place to showcase my family, or my achievements, in a boastful fashion, but more a place to be proud of what they have achieved. We are happy with the little things in this house, Lord alone knows how we'll manage the big things, but He wouldn't give us more than we could bear, so that's all there is to say about that lol!

I'm hoping to start proper writing again soon. It's been a while since I wrote anything properly, and since I've been blogging on a regular basis, I can feel the urges again, like a tickle in the back of my mind. I like writing, I'm good at writing, and I'm good with words, most of the time.

We'll see.

There is another blog to write tonight as well, but I need to do work first, then blog some more later.

Mothering Sunday!

And I'm a mummy, so hurrah!

I hope you all, wherever you are, are having a lovely day with your gorgeous children, even if it isn't Mothering Sunday where you are.

I'm not able to go to my Mother Church today, but we'll go to the one we usually go to anyway.

AC has surprises which he and R are going to let me know about later! *happy smiles*