Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's late...

... and I'm not in bed.

Tomorrow will be 2 months since my world was ripped apart.

I'm glad he's not here for another September though. They hurt him so much, every year, to know it was another year since the BG was taken away. And now he can see her whenever he wants, according to the AC. It's the BG I feel for, knowing she'll never see her father, and any chance of a relationship has gone. I feel sorry for the She-Ex in a way as well, who will have to explain to the BG one day why she never saw her Daddy after she was 3 years, 5 months old, when she could have seen him every day. Why there wasn't regular webcam and photos and so on. There will be the blog though, and I have plans for that, that don't involve the She-Ex.

I still haven't heard anything about who or what is supposed to have upset her, so I'm guessing it's nothing again, or she's dragging something up from the past again. "Whatever!" as they say in the common parlance!

I should go to bed.

I should.

I am.


Of phonecalls and so forth

Well, phonecalls and so forth have been made.

Cheltenham will be what it is. I don't know what it is. It was initially born from I-t-B's grief at the event, from his reluctance to have the Celebration here, from all kinds of things. It was originally to be a formal memorial, with a Forces element and so on. Now, it is ..... a party? I don't know. A gathering? I don't know.

I think, knowing what I-t-B wants it to be would be useful. But I don't think he knows.

However, Hannah is driving me down there, and then back again that night, although we have the option of somewhere to stay.

I will show them that I am not cowed by the mighty Family though, and the vulnerable person I was after the accident is gone now (mostly....) I will be looking for answers, and will be a terrier until I get them - and when again will I see them face to face? I don't know.

Oh, it's probably just talk. I'm angry at the ignorance of stupid parents, or lazy parents, or parents who don't parent in the best way for their child, and actually, this time it isn't just in My Opinion, because doping a child with chemicals to make him behave is never, ever going to be in the best interests of that child. And doping is what it is. We manage him perfectly well at school, it's his parents who can't cope with him at home, who can't occupy him - and neither of them work, so they can't be *that* tired! And yet, he turned up in school at the start of school, doped to the eyeballs again, on ridiculous ADHD medication. Mother is trying to claim an ADD diagnosis as well now, but seriously? NOPE! Learn to parent woman!

Most ADHD/ADD medications are speed derivatives, stop working when the child hits puberty, and then there is this big child who has no understanding of their emotions because they have been doped out of them for years.

Not to mention the side effects....

Adderall Side Effects

The most common side effects are restlessness or tremor; anxiety or nervousness; headache or dizziness; insomnia; dryness of the mouth or an unpleasant taste in the mouth; diarrhea or constipation; or impotence or changes in sex drive.

Concerta Side Effects

In the clinical studies with patients using CONCERTA®, the most common side effects were headache, stomach pain, sleeplessness, and decreased appetite. Other side effects seen with methylphenidate, the active ingredient in CONCERTA®, include nausea, vomiting, dizziness, nervousness, tics, allergic reactions, increased blood pressure and psychosis (abnormal thinking or hallucinations).

Ritalin Side Effects

Nervousness and insomnia are the most common adverse reactions but are usually controlled by reducing dosage and omitting the drug in the afternoon or evening.

Other reactions include hypersensitivity (including skin rash, urticaria, fever, arthralgia, exfoliative dermatitis, erythema multiforme with histopathological findings of necrotizing vasculitis, and thrombocytopenic purpura); anorexia; nausea; dizziness; palpitations; headache; dyskinesia; drowsiness; blood pressure and pulse changes, both up and down; tachycardia; angina; cardiac arrhythmia; abdominal pain; weight loss during prolonged therapy.

Allergic reactions: skin rash, hives, drug fever joint pains possible. Headache, dizziness rapid and forceful heart palpitation-infrequent.

Strattera Side Effects

Upset stomach, decreased appetite, nausea or vomiting, dizziness, tiredness, decrease in appetite, some weight loss, and mood swings were the most common side effects.

In rare cases, Strattera can cause allergic reactions, such as swelling or hives, which can be serious. Your child should stop taking Strattera. Call your doctor or healthcare professional if your child develops any of these symptoms.

He's now on something new because Ritalin and Strattera both caused amazing drowsiness. Or, calling it as it appeared at the time when he was slumped on my lap, unconsciousness. We could not wake this child. At all.

I know he's not my child. I know that I am in loco parentis for a few short hours, but when he wasn't on the drugs he was great! He learnt, he was naughty at times, LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD, but we dealt with them and talked them through, and gave him ways he could manage his behaviour. When he wasn't on the drugs he liked himself. The drugs make him irritable, which is very common in younger children, although it's worse in girls than in boys.

But we were coping, managing and he was learning. Now he's doped up, isn't learning, isn't caring, isn't himself, but if that's how his mummy prefers him, there's nothing I can say.

And if E-A-L or I-t-B cops the anger for all that, well, I shall try and be sorry.

(Actually, we all know I'll feel miserably guilty about it, although what I shall have said will be painfully accurate. Ah well.)

The Police phoned

and all is good.

There is still no date for the inquest, and I wish that there was, as that is one more formality out of the way. It is just a mere formality.

There was other bits and pieces, which are good to know and I am happy with the results, for all the parties involved.

I slept on the sofa for 2 hours whilst my sister was here and doing internet stuff. I then went to bed. Yes, I was shattered!

The driving lesson went really well though, and it shouldn't be long before the world is the mollusc of my choice.

And my sister is coming down to Cheltenham with me, which will be fab.