Friday, March 26, 2010

And because I refuse to be sad?

"Mummy, Curtis is 7, and he doesn't even know what an AIRSHIP is."

"Well, some people are interested in different things."

(I know.  How could Curtis not know! Oh the shame lol! I mean, isn't *everyone* interested in flying machines of the 20's and 30's?)

Oh, and I started a new wrap last night.  This weekend I have the choice of sewing or knitting! (I also made a call to take Kevin for his operation this Easter.  He's a bumptious tom kitten at the moment.... Joe the Fat Cat does not appreciate this!)

Another one

I now have 5 unopened emails from the She-Ex, and one comment on here that starts off aggressively.  I don't look at the titles or anything, most of them have gone straight into the folder, so it's just that number that changes.  There's one that I moved straight across that I didn't read.

I think maybe I'll have a look this weekend.  Or next.

Why am I so afraid to look at her emails? Why does it matter? (I've been asked that.)

Here's the thing.

The She-Ex has an incredible ability, and Rich and I could never decide whether it was planned or not, to pour salt in wounds.

Even since Rich died, she has told me that it's just the same for her, the day after the Celebration she was asking for legal things about him, and when she gatecrashed onto here and found some memories I'd written about him, and why I'd chose them, she put

I would just like to point out,

this man you are martyring, making into a saint

also didn't have the common sense to write a will

or have life insurance for his daughter.

and that, also is your fault.

Take care of your son better than rachel was taken care of by her father.

The day before it was a month since he had died she wanted to know about things in the house.

On the day of the Cheltenham Memorial she called me a bitch because I was wrapped up in Rich and apparently didn't care about her feelings.

On Boxing Day she asked about the Death Certificate.  The one she'd been asking about since September and telling people I wouldn't send it to her, even though I didn't actually have one because the inquest hadn't happened yet.  The one she told me to "keep the f'in certificate" in the end and she'd get her own. 

And so on.  It's that kind of timing.

Even when we first got together, on the AC's first birthday since we had been together, she told Rich he had to choose between us and the BG, or he'd never see the BG again.  When he was in Khandahar, she talked about him being dead, how I would never see BG again, how she would get everything and so on.  She said in an email that she was glad he was away there.

So that's why I've left them.  I'll look sometime soon, I will.  Probably this weekend, or next.  At the end of the day, she has what she wanted - she still gets the money from the RAF, and she has the medal, (that she did nothing for) so she can play the grieving widow for a man she hated so much that she refused to send pictures of his daughter for 7 weeks before he died, as well as all the lies over the divorce paperwork, and she doesn't have to speak to him again.

But since the day she made her choice, and dragged his daughter, sobbing her heart out, through the airport departure gates, he never saw her again, and now she will never see her daddy again.

Hope that makes more sense.