Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Embracing the Happy

I thought about starting a new blog for this part of my life. It is a new start in many ways. I decided not to though and it's taken 4 days to make that decision. I have been in the place where I thought I was clever enough not to go, and in fact I was there because I thought I had avoided it, and I was so smug about having avoided it that I missed the fact I was in it.

Of course the problem is that if you are only just starting to read this blog because of the link I've put on Embrace Happy, or because you are my EH buddy, then all of the above will make no sense. Partly, you may have to get used to that because generally I blog first thing in the morning or late at night and that's not always conducive to clarity.

Partly it's because now it's another choice. It was a choice to be busy, to be always active and working and doing but more and more I'm realising that this is now a habit. I got into the habit of proving how well I was Coping, how I was Fine and how I was being Terribly Brave, raising my Bereaved Child. (The capital letters were put there by other people when they spoke to me.)

I am knocking 40. 10 years ago I was about to enter the most complicated, tragic, joyous year of my life. I had an 18month old son and I was married to his father, we lived on an RAF base in Norfolk, after an RAF base in Oxfordshire and life was settled.

It didn't last.

I have, however, booked a happy ending and I am going to have one - I am having one, and going to keep having it.

All I have to do now is to take all of this energy that I have put into being so busy I can't think or feel and turn it into my word of the year.....


That is the place I want to go to, the place I thought I was in. In fact, I've been in the place I thought being busy would avoid. It didn't. I've just been busy, and not achieved that much compared to the effort I have thrown in.


That's the plan anyway.....

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so don't mock the spelling and I'll be back later to sort the layout!