Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Ow. Moan. winge.

Well, I've been to the doctor.

My bloods, which were taken last week, are not good. *shrug* Nothing I can do about that at the moment lol!

My knee requires an ultrasound, as I may have a cyst on the back of the joint, or I may have cartilage problems, or I may have ligament damage, although no one can work out how.  So it's ultrasound, and then maybe surgical team.  REEEEAAAAAALLLLLYYYYYY?  I think not!

I am to strap my knee.

I am required to do a stool sample. (And no, it doesn't mean pictures of backless chairs from my house.)

I am to have more bloods taken in a months time.

I think I am falling apart.......

On the other hand, HURRAH for the National Health Service, which will sort all this for me.

So I'm sitting with my leg up, watching Ray Mears cook limpets on a beach.

And to fill in the gaps, parents evening was not too bad, although the ability of parents to dismiss what they do to their children with their selfish attitudes amazes me still.  Once again, the parents I needed to see didn't come, and the parents I didn't need to see came.

I handed my essay in, (well, sent it in via e-mail) and I am waiting for the result now.

We had a fabulous weekend in Wales with BFF and BFF's man, and my Gorgeous Godaughters.  Utterly fabulous.  Weird in some ways, to be with BFF without Rich, and it was upsetting at times.  Not as upsetting as me trying to understand fashion was for everyone else.  However, I now have a fashionable coat, if a cold bottom!

Ah well my lovely people.  Work calls....

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Parents Evening

I'll be at school until at least 8pm tonight. *yawn* Parents evening *yawn* The parents I want to come won't, the parents who don't need to come will.

Oh, and the He-ex phoned school yesterday to demand copies of letters be sent to him as well.  Although I'd already told him about parents evening, and about the AC representing his school tomorrow in the Area Cross-Country (Yay my academic and physically excellent child!)

And yesterday the Next Door Woman complained our cats were nicking her dogs food.  Well, he's a Jack Russell, he's 11 weeks old, and you're feeding him outside because your children are not yet well behaved enough to not eat dog food.  They are cats.  They will do it just to annoy him I expect.  And he's a yappy little rat on a rope type dog, of the kind that tore my parents cat apart because it was badly trained.  Excuse me for my lack of sympathy.....

Golly I'm mardy today.  Watch out kids...... lol!


Sunday, October 17, 2010

How time flies....

Yesterday J and I hit the 6 month marker in our togetherness.  Today is 15 months since Rich died.  How time flies.

I laughed with J yesterday, about a hundred small things, about everything and nothing.  I shed tears for Rich, as I do on a weekly, some weeks daily, basis.  I will always miss my best friend.  He understood me like no one else ever tried to.  He loved being here with us, and I believe he's still about every now and again.

But 6 months ago, when I was walking on a beachfront in Hunstanton with J, I didn't think we'd go this far, that he'd be living here and we'd be talking about long term things.  I couldn't imagine ever taking such a chance to love someone, to allow my son to love someone, in such a way that his loss would devastate our lives.  But then 15 months ago, at this time (7.43am) I had all I'd ever dreamed of, and so did Rich.  He had a happy family life, we were planning babies, we were going to get married properly, as well as our own Promises, the She-Ex was less of a nightmare but still incredibly self centred but we were learning to live around her in the same way one does around a selfindulgent child.  Less "She's nasty" and more "She can't help it, poor love."  The He-Ex was actually less of a pain in the rear than he is being right now, but it's ok, he's never going to be as bad as she wanted to be.

And I'm sitting here and watching every minute tick by.


How is it that the long bits of time wizz through, but every minute lasts forever?


It just is that way I guess.  I'd never expected to feel like this about anyone one.  I could never have expected pain like the loss of Rich gave me.  But then that's the joy of loving someone that intensely.


I know he loves us.  I know that because of all the little things.  Like his last words to us, probably to anyone, (although he filled up with petrol, so I expect he said thankyou!)


The last moment of our old normal lives.  Him loving his bike, us walking to school.



Thursday, October 14, 2010

Loving the course.

I know it's a lot of work - 200 hours per module, 4 modules this year, but it is so worth it, so interesting, so good.  But I am loving it.

Today I've been sat here, in the early morning, reading about Piaget and Vygostky, all basic stuff really, but all good.

All good.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Early early!

.... and the Birmingham blackboard site appears to be down.  I'll phone in later and find out what is happening, but I've got my assignment questions done, so it's just the writing the paper now *gulp* which will be fine.

I haven't written an essay in a long time though - about 12 years, give or take - and they use Harvard referencing as well, but it's all good, it's all good!  At least I'm doing it, and able to better myself, and make a better life for the AC.  That's what it's all about really.  That and the fact I *want* to know!

Dylan has had a bad shed and is wandering around with half his skin hanging off his back.  He's got a waterbath, so we'll come home tonight and the rest will be gone.  He's a terrible shedder really.  Cassie, Monty and Bernie are ok, but he always leaves a bit on somewhere.  We fed them all last night, but not Dylan - he won't eat whilst he's shedding.  It's a bit grim at times, but it's the nature of the beasts.  Watching Cassie readjust her jaws afterwards is amazingly cool.

We had the last of the StepOn training last night, so now I will have another certificate to say that I am StepOn trained, and can move children when required, but I'm only qualified at low level, nothing complicated.  The TA's are doing all that kind of stuff.

Aside from that, there's nothing interesting going on really!  I'm either working, studying, eating or sleeping.  Although I have decided on my tattoo.  That's going to be cool as well.  Painful, I suspect, but cool.

Laters peoples.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

X factor......

We're away for the weekend again, and it's getting better every time. J's mum and dad are fabulous. The boys are doing really well together, although the ex was a baggage again. I really wanted to say to her "Yes, your man is happier with me. You wanted rid, I picked up the pieces, and now he's happy and you're not. Tough."

She wouldn't listen though I expect. Exes never do lol!

And I'm watching the x-factor. Hence the title.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, October 7, 2010

It's here!

The modules for my course have arrived!  Cue more excitement and a lot of work and buying books from Amazon.

Yesterdays course was amazing in the morning.  J asked what we had been doing.  Obsessional Behaviour in Autistics and Psychological theories of Autism.  We covered the Theory of Mind, Central Convergence, and Executive Function.  The interesting thing for me was that I could think of different children who would fit each different theory.  It was just so great to be around professionals who were teaching and learning in the same way that I do, about the same things that I do.  Unfortunately it was only a morning, but it was great. )But I had another nosebleed!)

I still have the ongoing itunes battle with J's laptop, but I will win.  I will. *shrug*  It is only a computer after all, not rocket science.

I am going to have to become so much more organised though. This could be a problem.........

gtg - habing another nosebleed.  3 this week so far!  I probably should see the doc soon I think.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

What is going on?

Once again, I am on only a few hours sleep.  This takes my grand total for the week so far up to 13 hrs in 3 nights - not my usual 24!

Ah well.

I'm at a conference this morning on Autistic Spectrum Disorders, Obsessional behaviour and the Psychological impact of ASD.  It's going to be good,but I  may have to turn myself into automatic note taking mode and read them back later to make any sense of it!  But I'll take the netbook, so at least they'll be legible.

The AC is struggling with Rich's death again yesterday - he misses him, and he is angry with the woman that hit him.  Whilst perfectly normal to feel this way, it's hard for him to go through, but he has support and he has love and the confidence to express his feelings, the photographs of the two of them together to look at, his memory box and so on, and he'll get there.  But if you're of a praying sort, please remember him.

Laters people.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Sleep is for the weak.......

Once again my lovelies, sleep is for the week.

Last nights count was 4 hours.  Ish.  Partly it was because we were swapping laptops over again so there was lots of geekingness having to happen.  That involved looking at folders of old photos of Rich and the AC together.  That is always going to hurt because he was a wonderful father to the AC.  Partly it was because I am *still* excited. Partly it is because I don't want to have to go into school today and see Steve, although I'm pretty sure he'll act as though nothing happened. (He was angry with me because he forgot to tell me something that my whole class had to do - these things happen, just don't be horrible to me when it was your mistake!) Partly I was just thinking about things.  Life.  Stuff.  Things.

Nothing specific - I wasn't lying there fretting about any one thing, just general stuff.  Work I need to do - the never ending work I need to do lol - and updating the calendars and Team Teach training today for 3 hours after school, and so on.

I woke up this morning, having a weird dream about building a boat, and about painting the Plimsoll line onto it in the right place.  It was so urgent I had to go back to sleep to finish the dream.  It was *that* urgent.


Freud would love that.....