Friday, July 23, 2010

It's the last day today.

Awards assembly and Sports Day were yesterday. (The AC got the Class Cup - I thought I'd mention it in case anyone had missed it...)

Today is Steve's play, 2 hours of tray sorting and so on, barbeque lunch, Leavers Assembly, and home time, and that's it.

For a long time.

Weirdly, the BG has 28 days of holidays left, and the AC now has 52 days left.

Actually, that's not weird at all. That's just the way it is lol.

I'm not feeling very sensible today. The idea of 52 days at home is rather appealing to me. I know that the AC will be with his father for 3 days of that each week :-( but needs must when it is the best thing for the child.

On with the morning.

I need to go up and wake the man. He'll be awake really, just lying there, all warm and gorgeous. I'd love to be getting back in with him, but today I can't. He has some time off coming, so I will then. 

I was stood in the kitchen yesterday, just looking out of the window with a cup of tea, and he came up behind me, slipped his arms around me, and asked what I was looking at. In all truth, I told him that I was looking at the blue of the sky against the red of next doors bricks, and thinking about quilts, and summer, and just a wonderful life I have today. He told me I make his life wonderful too.

*sigh* You'd think after this time that the honeymoon period would be over - but no! 3.5 years and still deeply in love. It's amazingly cool. (Maybe it's because the She-Ex won't do the divorce so we can't be married, so there won't be a real honeymoon lol! But the Dear Reader knows my view on marriage!)

Anyway, really, on to the day.

I shall tell the world what the day was like later!

That was my Last Day of Term last year.  Or rather, that was around this time, on the last day of term last year.  As we all know, it ended rather differently.

and now, a year on, in school terms, all is well once again.  I never thought I would get used to him being gone, and in many ways I'm still not - there are things I think he would enjoy, things I want to know if he would like the taste of - but not in the way that so many people say that they turn to tell their deceased love one something.  That is gone now.  There has been a difference since Sunday that has amazed me, in both me, in the Adorable Child, in the world around us.  Sunday gave us a chance to move on, to draw a line under the mourning and to just remember Rich with love and pride and joy for all we gave him and more importantly all he gave us.  There are pictures now, but I am still waiting for some more to come in from other people before I put together a final account for the BG, and one for on here.  I would have given anything for her to be with us, to help as the AC did, to share in the joy and love that her Daddy's friends had for him, and to know that he wasn't just a "monkey in a suit" as her mother told us she would tell her daughter, amongst other, more derogatory names.  One day...... 

On the other hand I did get a friends request from her mother at the start of the week on FB email.  I'd like to think she seriously wanted to be friendly.  I like her mother as a person, I always have, and I've been as supportive as I can be of the things she has wanted to do and the questions she has asked, because if the Old-She-Ex is happy, then surely the child would be happier?  I liked her as a friend long before she went all weird and leaving Rich and stuff.  I know she behaved badly at times in that friendship, but I've forgiven that a long time ago.

However, today is last day of term.  I've spent Tuesday night on the loo, Wednesday early morning on the loo, Thursday back in school but tired, Friday here we are!  I can't miss end of term.  I have worn dresses and skirts and colours all this week - the year of Black Trousers is over lol - and I have a particularly pink dress to wear today.  I'm not a pink person usually, but this is great. PINK!  I am *so* not in mourning any more lol! (Note I didn't say I wasn't mourning - I don't know that that sense of loss will ever end)

Today is school BBQ, and Leavers, and Last Circle, and so on.

It will all be fine people.  The other option is..... well........ stupid ;-)