MAY 24th Slimpod stats. (all numbers are inches)
each thigh 25
each thigh 24
Now even I, tired as I am, can see that that is a fairly substantial difference in what will be 6 weeks tomorrow.
I'm noticing differences in my and my attitude to food as well - I eat when I want to, I'm rarely hungry, I can eat what I like (different to me thinking "Oh, I ought to eat this or that, instead of this.") I am more body confident, and I'm generally happier. I walked from home to the shop which is around a mile and a half in 20 minutes on Thursday, and did it twice yesterday (complicated and dull story) Worryingly, I then thought, how fast could I do it if I ran? but I slapped that question right down lol! Knees come first!
I thought I had to fill in a sheet every week, but so far I've only had one, so I've kept an evernote notebook.
In other news, J and I have a secret. No, I'm not pregnant, it's not that kind of secret, but we have made ourselves happy with something! I can't say anything until next Sunday when we pick up T-Boy for 3 weeks, but I'm a Very Happy Bunny, and so is he.
The Adorable Child is now fully confident on his roller blades that I bought him 2 weeks ago, and whilst he admits that they make his leg muscles hurt if he does it for too long, he also believes that this will strengthen his leg muscles and he will be stronger for it. True.
And yesterday was 3 years since we Celebrated Rich's life. Today is a painful day, as it is the day of one of the greatest betrayals of my life. Ever. Today I woke up, expecting to go and get Rich's ashes with I-t-B, his brother, and when I phoned to find out what time we were going, I found that he had already been and got them and was already back at his with them. I had to tell the AC that we wouldn't be going, that there would be no private goodbye, that I-t-B had lied to us. Later in the month, he scattered them - somewhere. He sent me a picture of the place he says he put them, but do I believe him? I want to, I want to restore my faith in him, but can I? Not really. He lied about so many things in the end, about helping sort out Rich's estate (I did it all in the end) about what financial help he would give us (turned out to be nothing - all words, but hurrah for the RAF who did everything that they could!) about what the AC and I could have of his belongings, tried to stop me walking behind the coffin of my own fiancé, (Warrant Officer wasn't having it and neither were the boys, apparently they would have waited for AC and I to be there!) did stop me putting flowers on his coffin, (but not as successfully as he thought!) denied Rich's faith, denied our love for him, denied the AC's right to grieve for him, and then stole the last moments we could have had with him away. I-t-B then went on holiday, and left Rich in an empty flat.
It's the first time I've written it like that, and there are other things to say, but I want to stay factual, and those are all facts. I've tried to forgive so many times, and apparently I'm not there yet. I won't bad-mouth him to anyone else, because I'm sure he made the decisions he made because he was hurting too, and because he was angry with Rich. I've even defended him to the AC, which was very hard. I just wish things had been different.
I'd better go and make a cup of tea.