Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Back to school tomorrow.

For one day.

Then London (tickets bought, clothes sorted, all ready to go!)

Then school on Monday as usual.

I'm tired, I ache, and I want Rich. I want to be enfolded in his arms, and feel the love he has for me settle over me like a blanket. I want to lie with my head on his chest and listen to the rain on the window whilst he strokes my shoulder as he dozes off.

I want him to tell me the new school year will be ok, that I always feel like this and it is always ok. And that he's proud of me, and he loves me.

I know I can do this without him - after all, I'm a big girl now with my own house and child lol - but I want him to share it with.

He was supposed to be with me forever, sharing everything. I know he is, in his own way, because he said he would wait for me, and he will, but tonight, tonight I could really do with his physical presence.

Indeed I could.

Tucked up in memories

I'm at my parents house, blogging from my phone, It'll be short and full of typos I expect.

That's ok. I know lots of people who are short and full of typos.

I go back to school tomorrow. Friday is Friday and should be a good day. Well, inasmuch as these days can be good. Then the weekend. Then Monday is school routine and the new normal develops again.

It'll be fine. Everything is peaceful and should be left that way. There have been no possession demands in terms of specific items, there has been no contact at all in fact, and whilst I would enjoy knowing how the BG is, I can wait. This is nothing new for me in that sense.

Today will be a day of waiting, sorting and preparing. There are many fights to be fought in the oncoming year, and whilst I shall probably do what I usually do - smile, nod, get on with what I was going to do anyway - it will be harder without Rich's backup, his understanding and his support. He loves my job as much as I do. He was proud of me for standing up, for not just giving in when life got hard, but taking the system on.

That's what will keep me going through the first hard bit.

Miss him though. Miss him so much.