Thursday, June 16, 2011

A change in perspective.

I'm currently undergoing a bit of a change in perspective at the moment.  I need to.

I've realised that, since Rich died, I have become harder, more independent that I need to be, reluctant to accept help for anything, because who knows when that help will be gone and it'll be just me again.  That kind of attitude.  It's not the best attitude.  I am proud of the way that we didn't fall apart irreparably.  I am proud of the fact that I single parent-ed with the best of them and my son didn't suffer for that, and his behaviour and his academic achievement and his attitude were none the worse for what happened.  I am proud of the fact that I dusted us down, and I paid the bills, and I managed my life and my wages without having to go to the government.  I'm proud of the fact that I didn't become an emotional cripple and I accepted the love that was offered by J.

But that pride is my problem.  I am proud of those things because *I* did them.  I need to humble myself, and accept help when it is offered, and be calmer in my soul.  Because pride in those things comes at a price.

So I'm reading The Power of a Praying Wife, and I'm reading the first chapter over again, and thinking about me and changing me to make all of our lives better.  I need to shed my old hard skin, and loosen up, loving more, listening more, talking less, grumbling less.  Singing more.......

I'm also reading 31 Days to clean, which is also a faith based book, and looks at the Martha and Mary approach to cleaning and why we clean.  I don't need help with the cleaning bit - I can clean lol - just the organisation of stuff bit.  I've picked up some useful tips, and again, they are all about perspective.


Busy day today lol.