I'm a good girl

I've been into school and done a couple of hours work.
I've eaten a salad, some low fat yoghurt, and some low fat Rich Tea biscuits.

And now I need a sleep.

A sleep.

Mmmm.

Sleeeeeeeeeep.

Mmmmmm.

1 down.

And yes, before anyone says anything, I know that 1lb weight loss is hardly anything in 3 days, but it's a significant start for me.

Part of me is sad today.

I know that the holidays are on their way over, because it's after Ru's birthday, and so I'm starting to get up at a proper time and do things that I have to do in the right time for a working week.  Already the washing machine and dryer are on.  I have to get a new tube for the strip light in the kitchen today, and then I could do other things early as well!  I know it's partly so dark in there because apparently summer is over today and we are into thunderstorms.  I like them.....

I also got a bargain yesterday - large chickens £2.50 each.  If I'd have had the freezer space then I would have bought a lot more.  Yesterday we had chicken breast, mashed potato and peas.  I'm on a bit of a mission to see how far I can use these chickens, with them as the only major protein in a meal.  Today, with the left over roast bird, I intend to strip the bird, and then use the cold meat for sandwiches, chicken and mushroom pie, (freezer) and chicken and bacon pasta sauce (freezer).  I'll also roast the other bird, (Or see if I can fit it into my slow cooker) and then strip that one when it is cold, boil all the bones for stock and make soup for the freezer as well.  I've got sausages for tea tonight, because I think J might get fed up with a diet of pure chicken!  I might do chicken salad for tea though, and sausages tomorrow.  Who knows!

The AC is still away, and was very excited last night to hear that J has got his 'A' certificate, which means he can now teach the AC to fly planes, and means that the AC has now inherited the Discovery.  We've also decided to get the AC a new bike from the tax money, when he gets back, so he has the end of the summer to enjoy it.  I need to get him fitted for a new helmet as well.

Later we're going up to the concert, and then just mooching about I think.  I'll be cleaning through briefly before I do anything else though, and then that's another day of the holidays gone!  Time to think about work really......

I've been thinking about starting a teaching blog, but I need to think about the anonymity aspects.

In much more serious mood, there's talk now that Red Four was killed by a bird strike, and that he could have ejected but chose to stay in the plane and keep it up as long as he could to miss the houses.

None of these RAF boys are just a monkey in a suit, as some would tell their children.

8lbs to start with.

Hmmm.

The Physioterrorist was right.

I've let myself go whilst the knee has been unusable.

I am currently about  160lbs or 11st 6.  This is heading into lardsville for someone who is only 5ft3 tall.   Or me.

I am not happy with this.  I am not.  I went up to a size 16 once, and lost 2 stone all when Si moved out.  I lost another stone and a bit more when Rich died, and went down to just over 10 stone.  Now, according to the BMI chart things, I should be more like 8 st 9, which is 118lbs.

Yeah.

That means I'm looking at a weight loss of around 42lbs.  That's about 3 stone.  3 STONE?

I was 8 st 6 once, when I was 21, and a student, and I didn't like it.  I was very bony and uncomfortable, so I'm not aiming to go down to that.

I know where a lot of it has come from, and it's snacking.  I never used to snack, and now I do.  I snack on crap as well.  I need to cut out the snacking. I have a lot of empty calories in my diet - sugar in tea etc.  I'm already on decaffeinated tea, accidentally, and I'm going to aim for less tea all over, more water/juice and no sugar in my tea.  I suppose what I'm looking for is a lifestyle change, as opposed to a diet, if that makes sense.  Initially, I'm aiming for 8lbs.  I'm keeping my targets low and achievable.  I'm using the Wii mostly - Wii Fit, and My Shape.

This isn't out of vanity, although I never, ever want to get to the 225lbs that the She-Ex was, and I hope she's slimmed that down for her and BG's sake, it's because I need my joints to work and be supple and carry on working.  They are in a rubbish state, and I need to keep them as good as possible - I have a son who needs me to be fit and strong and healthy.  I've struggled with back and joint pain all of my life, and the idea of it getting worse is just .................. well, it isn't going to happen nicely, so I'm not going to let it take me easily.  I was told at 21 I'd be in a wheelchair by 30 and never have children.  I have a gorgeous son, and I'm 36 and not in a chair and I'm not going in one any time soon.  Don't worry, nobody has said I will, but I've lived with that prognosis for 15 years, and it's always in the back of my mind.  The Grace of God has got me this far, and I'm not giving up on my joints now.

I'm just not.

I'm

Just

Not.

If you feel led to pray, then please do.

Busy doing nothing!

Well, not nothing.  I'm rarely doing totally nothing.

Today we had to wait in until the Fed-Ex parcel came with the watch that J is having from the TaxManMoney. Only it came at 8am, which left the rest of the day free!

AC and I have pinned the snakes and ladders onto the snakes and ladders board quilt top, and the intention now is to baste them on, then machine stitch them with a zigzag stich once I've practised a bit!

I realised today just how many of Rich's pairs of jeans were in the cupboard, waiting to go into another denim quilt.  I'll do it, one of these days, and keep it safe for BG.

She must have gone back to school in the last few days.  I hope it's all going well, that she got moved up properly, and that she's happy.

Anyway, before I get maudlin, I feel a cup of tea, a small snoozette, and then I'll clean the kitchen, sort out some more quilting materials, and be a happy bunny.

Laters people.

The Good Stuff.

There has also been a lot of Good Stuff over the last 3 weeks as well. 

Little Good Stuff includes T-Boy eating a variety of foods for the first time, some glorious weather, friends who Help You Out, and so on.

Big Good Stuff includes the fabulous wedding of my fabulous friend, the lovely making of lovely stuff, and The Surprise.

The Surprise came at the end of last week.

I was opening the post, as one does, and found one from the Taxman.  It was thick and had 4 pages of writing and numbers in it that meant Not a Fat Lot.  However the last page, at the bottom, had "Repayment - £2880.72"  Well, my heart sank like a stone.  Where are we going to find almost 3 grand?

I opened the next envelope without thinking or looking and took out the contents - a single sheet of paper.  "Dear So-and-So, I am pleased to confirm that according to our calculations you have overpaid your taxes for the years 2005-2006 and 2006-2007 and enclose a cheque for £2880.72"

And there was a cheque, made payable to me, for that amount!

Can I get a whoop whoop?

In the space of 30 seconds I had gone from despair at the idea of paying back 3 grand, to elation at the idea that they were paying it to me!  Needless to say I phoned J, and sent him a picture of the cheque, and he is over the moon.  We have decided that there are a few things we would like to get - he would like a new watch (it arrives on Friday!), the AC needs a new bike, and me? 

Um.  Well. 

Actually, there's not a lot I would like.

As a joke, I showed him a picture of the new Bernina sewing machine, and he was amazed at the price - he thought I was joking when I said I could chop both of my machines in, use all the money, and still have to put more to it!

I need a hoop for quilting with.  But that's about it I think!

Don't worry, I'm thinking about it.

Yesterday though, the AC and I stayed in ALLLLLLLL day and did next to Not a Fat Lot.  I finished the background of the snakes and ladders project I'm on now, and then he watched and I slept through Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  He would like to go and see The Zookeeper today, but we'll see.

I'll let you knoe, Dear Reader.  And it is nice to be back.

If you can't say anything nice.......

....... say nothing at all.

That's what my mother taught me.

I've tried to stick to it.  Sometimes I forget - the She-Ex is a prime reason why I forget sometimes, and oh my word have I struggled with that since I found something in her email folder to me. (Yes, my email sorts into folders when something comes in.  No, I don't check all of them all the time. Yes, I should.)  That's for another day though.

We've had T-Boy here for 3 weeks.
 We took him back yesterday, and it wasn't until I woke up this morning that I realised just how much stress he was putting on me, on us.  It sounds so mean, so nasty to say something like that about a child who isn't 10 for another month, but he was.

In the last 3 weeks, he has been snuggly, he has been polite, he has been quiet, he has been a good boy.
In the last 3 weeks he has screamed, shouted, refused to eat, refused to go out, refused to come in, refused to go to the park, refused to have a bath, refused to have a shower, refused, refused, refused.  The AC ended up wanting to hit him because he was being so rude to me. (He didn't, btw)  He has turned down food that he has previously eaten and enjoyed.  He has played up in front of my parents, in front of my brother and his family, in town - he had an actual tantrum in town.  A proper shouting at me, kicking things, crying tantrum.  We get them every day, but always at home, and almost always as a reaction to something I have said or done, but this was a proper tantrum in town.  Needless to say he didn't get his own way and we had a horrible rest of the day until J came home, when suddenly T-Boy was all sweetness and light.

To be completely fair to J, he always, always backs me up.  These days.  He didn't used to, and that was ok, because he was hardly seeing his own child (stupid selfish ex-wives again!) and he wanted that child to have a nice time whilst he was with us, and J was tired after a long, long day at a work he didn't enjoy, and didn't want to have to come home to a battlefield.  This time, he has backed me up and it has made a major difference.  It will continue to make a huge difference.  T-Boy is horrible to me because I am firm with him, unlike his mother, and I am thinking about the bigger picture - what kind of adult will he be if he doesn't stand on his own two feet now?  Things he has done for the first time with me include drying up, running his own bath, and having a job to do every day.  These things aren't his fault, it's his upbringing, specifically, his mother!

When T-Boy is lovely, he is loveable, and likeable, and fun to be around.  When he is feeling unhappy, and attentionseeking, and determined to be the one in charge, he is still loveable, but he is not likeable.  I explained this to him - I love you, but right now I don't like the things you are doing - and sometimes he understood, and sometimes he didn't.  So we ended up with a sticker chart.  At nearly 10. It mostly worked, although I had to fix it to make sure he needed to eat dinner at Grandma's to get the last sticker and so get the prize.  AC has one as well, and is loving it.  He hasn't had a sticker chart since he was 3.

But AC and I now get a few days together, and then he goes off with his Dad for 5 days, and then we get a few more days together, and then he goes off with his Dad for 5 days and we go back to school.  The lions share of the holidays has gone.

Today we plan on not doing a fat lot.
Tomorrow we might go to concert in town and do lunch somewhere.

And tomorrow I shall tell you of the Good News that we had this week.  I'm leaving it out of this post, because this post is almost just moaning, and I'll put the good stuff separate.

Waiting.... waiting......

I'm waiting.

For the Gasman.

I'm not supposed to even make a cup of tea.  I think I will though - it's been an ongoing problem, so I think a cup of tea will be fine.  OF course, if I blow the whole house up, I'll be irritated - I have just cleaned the bathroom!

Sleeepy!

And it's entirely my own fault!

I stayed up last night watching "Ghosts on the Underground" on Discovery or History or some such channel.  I didn't realise it was on +1, so I thought I was going to bed at midnight, and actually I was going to bed at 1 am!  Then I was up at 5am because T-Boy had a nightmare and was in our bed, which meant J had rolled over onto me, which meant I was squished into the wall, which meant I woke up!

We are midway through the three week session now, and I don't know if things are getting easier or not.  So,e days they are, some days they aren't.

Right now though, the boys are playing nicely, we've been to Tesco and back already (before it gets too hot!) and I'm relaxing on the sofa before doing something complicated.

Like basting a quilt.

Not been so well then?

I had put the lack of attention to this blog down to a number of things.

End of term.
Busy.
Rich's anniversary.
T-Boy visiting.

You know the kind of thing.

And then I was thinking about how I've been feeling.  Miserable.  Sick.  Headaches like you wouldn't believe, where I can't move my head or even look at anything.  I've put on almost a stone, because I'm always hungry, but eating rubbish.  I did some digging.

Last time I went to the doc, about 4 weeks ago, give or take, I went to get my usual prescription of Marvelon, as my birth control of choice.  The computer said to give me Gedarel instead.  It's cheaper.  So I obligingly got it, and took it, and all was well, but these are listed side effects from it.  I phoned the nurse today to say "look, these are the things that are happening, what's going on?" and I was given a prescription for Marvelon quicker than I could blink!

We'll see what happens, and I'm starting the Marvelon tomorrow, but after 5 days off of it, I have to say, it's good to feel almost like my own self again!

You and I, we have a lot to catch up on!