I am

I am.

Today, I just am.

The events of the last few days, coupled with the audacity of the She-Ex, just have me floored. Yeah, she'll be reading this, and I don't care. She knows she told me she didn't read this, she knows my opinion of facts of the situation, she knows, she knows, and she doesn't care. She's not taking the reading seriously, which I thought she would, we know things from BG's teacher that the She-Ex just didn't mention, but which cannot, cannot be escaped as fact.

Tonight, just tonight, I don't care. I need to write until I hit through this and into good news.

The events of school are becoming more difficult. I know me. I know that a lot of this is me, and my need for a clear and well constructed hierarchy with clear and well stated needs of me, whilst allowing me the freedom to teach how I like inside my room. Currently, if one was to travel down the year lists, the teacher status would look like this.

head - currently a temp head, interviews are next week for the new one - January start.

5/6 staying (but looking elsewhere)
5/6 leaving new one in Sept.
5/6 staying
3/4 staying
3/4 staying
3/4 staying until Feb.
2 leaving (AC's teacher for next year)
1/2 staying
r/1 new one starts Sept
r staying

Oh well.

I am marking, and writing, and marking, and writing, and going to bed.

There is so much going on in my head at the moment, so, so much. When it settles, I'll write it down.

But good news?

AC is now on "pack books" which means he's nearly a free reader.

He's a talented child, he's bright and loving and amazing. He is doing well with the loss of the hamster, because he can express his emotions with a wide range of vocabulary, he knows we accept and love him regardless of how he feels, and that how he feels is entirely up to him. We talked about how strongly he feels, and how that is ok, and to store this feeling for when someone else loses someone they love but he doesn't, and how he will be able to remember this feeling, and sympathise with them.

R has buried Lightning in the garden. He has been amazing with the AC throughout all this. He is such a good father. He has been supportive but not smothering, caring but not condescending. He is supporting me through end of term, he is going through major changes in attitude and ambition and life plan, and he is strong and proud of us all, and holding us all as a unit, keeping us safe. I love him.

I spoke to BG tonight, who had no idea she had sent a card to AC as a condolence for the loss of his hamster. As I hadn't told her about the hamster, and neither had R told her mother, there is only one conclusion. But this is the good news section, and so I choose to remember that she was keen to speak with me, gave me a message for my dad, and she was happy and cheerful, which is nice.

Dad has gone through his keyhole surgery fine, and will be home tomorrow.

School was good. The bits with the children are always wonderful.

See? There is always good news!