Saturday, July 18, 2009

The end of day 2

It's the end of day 2.

He's still not home. I know why. It's ok, I'm not having some kind of delusional moment. It just feels like he's away again, in Khandahar or somewhere. Somewhere where he'll come home in just before September, just like last year.

Today we went to see where it happened. It was ok. I can see how it happened, and I can see what happened, and now I have the picture in my head that I needed.

Today the RAF came. There are lots of legal things to sort out. I think Ian is dealing with lots of it. I don't know.

Today the Minister came. There are lots of things to sort out there.

Today Caroline and Danny came. Thank God for them.

One of the things I now know about my life is just how many friends we have. I have. *I* have. No more we.

No little brother or sister for the AC - he will always just be him now.

No more.

No more.

We even had the Newspaper round. We referred them to the police. I have a Family Liason Officer. Don't I feel special.

The AC is in bed.
Caroline and Danny are sleeping downstairs tonight.
I am in our bed.

My bed.

There has been an email from the She-Ex, but Caroline has dealt with it. I can't right now. I keep trying to email the BG, and just not knowing what to say. I want to hold her, to read her "No Matter What!" just like I did the AC this evening. To tell her stories about her Daddy and choose a star with her.

But I know what was said, and I take it as read. I have lost her as well.

All I have now is the AC.

and a million, billion supportive friends and family.

And all I want.

is him to come home.

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