Sunday, July 5, 2009

What is marriage?

I've just been reading a blog (I know, I should have been writing church notices - I'm on it, I'm on it!) about Polygamy, from a Muslim point of view.

The first wife is not happy, shouts, screams etc down the phone at the man all the time, but she's getting used to the idea. The second wife is not happy, thought she was going to be special and so on. The man is not happy - 2 wives, both lots of misery, has to have a schedule that tells him where he is sleeping and has twice the expenses.

No one is happy.

But the point that she makes (first wife writes the blog) at one point, is "What is marriage?" She feels "more married because of the State License", which the second wife doesn't have.

R and I are not legally married. She-Ex still hasn't got around to sending the divorce papers and so they are still married in law. This is fine. I don't have a problem with her wanting to stay married to him, although she was the one who threw him away in the first place. But this blog post isn't about that, it's just about thoughts.

R and I live together. We have a son, who R is raising in a wonderful way. R has been raising the AC since the AC was 3, which is now half his life. We have a house (all in my name!) which we are working on together to make into the lovely family home that we have both always wanted since we were young and before we knew each other. We have hopes and dreams, of a house in the woods, of a family together, of holidays we'll take "one day", of the places we'll go and the things we'll do. He loves me with an unbridled passion, and I love him right back. Our intimate life is the best I have ever, ever had, the most often I have ever had, and the most caring and sharing I have ever had. I can't speak for him, but I know what I know. He loves and respects me as a person, as the mother of his step-son, as his lover, as his homemaker. He values my opinions and he cherishes me. He takes steps to understand my faith as I do to understand his. He supports my hobbies, and celebrates my achievements.

Isn't that marriage? We are committed to a past together that we remember with fondness, to a present that we embrace and cherish, and to a future that we gladly walk into, holding hands as we go. He loves me, he honours me, and he keeps me - not finacially, as we both work, but emotionally and physically he cares for my needs as I do for him.

I read what this poor woman is going through, knowing her husband is in bed with another woman that he is married to in Islamic Law, and I could cry for her.

It's leaving me with more thoughts on our situation though.

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