Monday, August 10, 2009

Difficult day and a warm memory

Today has been hard in places.

We have been sorting and filing and moving and generally doing the big sort out of the front room that Rich and I had planned. His handwriting is everywhere, our books remind me of him, the Potato Heads remind me of him, the chair where he sat and the coaster he used and so on are all still there.

And I moved them.

I had to.

We can't live for years with a Richard-Shrine. I'm not going to forget him and move on, but I can't leave his empty cup where it was (and it was empty, not mouldy!) just in case he comes back - he's not coming back.

Today I've had several of the weirding out episodes as well, where life just gets too strange and my mind takes a break for a while. All very normal, inasmuch as any of this is normal, so I'm not worried about it, but I do need to apologise to Caroline for weirding in the middle of a phone conversation!

Rachel and Stacy were round earlier, and then Mum, then Mrs O (who found my diary! YAY!) then Ru, then just Mum, and now no-one. I've randomly sewed, I've chilled, I've panicked, I've calmed down again. That's how life is. The AC is at his fathers. They're camping.

I've found out how much it is to insure the Landy, and it's doable, so that's cool, I'm getting stuff sorted for that, do my test, have some wheels, and putter about.

But right now, I'm going to have a cup of tea, and probably clear the sofa, watch some ANTM, and think about what I need to do tomorrow.

I was digging through some pictures earlier, and found more of the AC and Rich that I had forgotten, of us at a show somewhere - I think it was a Spring LRO, and sitting in the back of the Rangy, eating picnic.

Actually, it wasn't. This was the Battle of Naseby. Fabulous day. Just a spur of the moment thing to decide to go and see what Charlie Paul did with the Knot.

We did that a lot. Pack up lunch, go off somewhere randomly, wander around, then back to the car, sitting in the tailgate and eating, chatting, deciding if we had missed anywhere or if we were finished. We would go home eventually, AC asleep in the back, Rich singing to the music under his breath, and usually driving with his hand on my hand, or on my leg. Warm, enclosed, happy memories, with all of us feeling seriously loved by the others. Almost the perfect life in so many ways.

Well "apart from" the obvious.

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