Today the AC and I did what we always do on a Thursday.
We walked to town, we got the bus, and we went to see my parents and go to the market and just putter about town. And it was great.
We had lunch.
We went back to my parents place and I slept on the sofa for a while.
We went over to see Fran and the children (Ru is up a crane somewhere in Greenwich!) and we played. We came home via the Golden Arches as a treat for the AC, and he's now in bed, reading a book on Inline Skating.
All so terribly normal.
And yet there were terribly abnormal things in the day.
PC Ian had read me the witness reports on Tuesday. I know now exactly what happened. Precisely. It was hard hearing, but now I know. And that's ok. But when the AC asked me "Did a wheel go on Richard Mummy?" I had to decide what to tell him. Does he need to know all the details? No. Not yet. Maybe when he's bigger, maybe not.
Someone asked me about the scattering, and I had to tell them what had happened. They were shocked, and told me I was too reasonable. What difference will unreasonable make now? Two wrongs will not make it right.
The waves of nausea are still there. I'm now down to 10st4. -144lbs. That's almost a stone now (yeah, the weight had crept on because of Feb and April, but that's ok.) The nausea is making it difficult to eat, but that's ok, I'm getting there slowly. As long as I stay over 140 I'll be fine. I could stand, medically, to lose more, but I'd rather not! 140 - 160 is about my limit really. There's not medical reason for me to go over that weight again!
Those things are abnormal.
But the rest, the rest is becoming my new normal. And it's ok. As a new normal goes, it's ok.
I have a plan for the next 3 weeks, and when it's getting there, I'll do a longer one. And it's ok.
It's all ok.
Ok, is the new normal. The new wonderful and fabulous, is now, without Rich, just ok.
But hey - I guess I have a pretty spiffy life still right? Yeah baby. Oh.... apart from.....