Yesterday was the memorial thing for Rich at Cheltenham. It was at the Community Centre where they all used to hang out, and there was about 50 people there I think?
It was nice, it was interesting, a lot of people said Hi, a lot of people introduced themselves, I cried, I shook like a leaf to start with, I drank 6 pints of Theakstons Dark, which was lovely. The FO - now promoted to FL - said his bit, I-t-B said his bit, and we all drank and chatted til late.
The photowall was excellent - I-t-B did a really good job of that.
I need to blog it up to BG, and I will do as soon as I can. It might have to go in two sections - a short one and a longer one later. Maybe she'll get to read it, maybe she won't.
Several people commented on how his smile reached his eyes in the pictures of the two of us together. On how happy he looked. On how contented he looked. On how much weight he had put on and how much better he looked for it.
I miss him.
I miss him so much.
I miss him from waking up to going to bed. School is ok - he was at school, but not every day. Hometimes are hard. Missing him is so hard. Sometimes it feels like I could cry and cry and never stop. I do, and I have to. I told AC off today for something, and he accepted it, then came to me a little later, crying. He was missing Rich. He wanted Rich to tell him off with a joke, but a serious thinking, and then to push him on the swings. He went and played again after a cuddle and so on, but he's suffering. I'm going to look into counselling for him I think. Even if it's just one session and they say he's fine, I want to be sure. I look at all the problems that other children have had, and I think "I don't want that for my son, and I'm not going to let it happen by just ignoring it."
But what to do for the best?
Sleep I expect.