Monday, November 30, 2009

t-8.5 and counting



Sleep was for the birds apparently.  AC had a bad one, and when I went to bed at 0030, he was crying at 0300, 0430, and then up at 0600.  He's fine today, little bit of a cold, little bit snotty in that delightful way that small children can be.

He's hardly small now.  He's 6.5 years old.  He has seen so much in his years.

So the plan for today. 

Make bread
Make cake.
AC to school.
See supply.
Get tights
Phonecall from Mark.
Hoover and so forth.
Get changed.
Go to the inquest.
Hear how and why and so forth Rich died.
Come home.
Mum is collecting the AC.
Feed the massed support with cake and biscuits.
Watch everyone go home.
Put the child to bed.
Spend a quiet evening with M-T-A who is on SarahWatch tonight.
No idea what time he'll go, but not late, he's on earlies.

Course tomorrow morning.

And then, Dear Reader, the rest of my life is sitting there, like an elephant in the corner.

Last night I was on the phone to AAM, who was asking how life was, when C phoned, so I hung up from A and spoke to C, and she was lovely, as she always is, and then M-T-A texted, and I texted him, and then he texted me, and then I phoned him, and cried down the phone for a while, and he reassured me and in the end he made me laugh and so that was ok.  Then I phoned my mother, who is Worrying, as is her right as my mother. And then I had texts from A, and then I spoke to AAM again.

Then I went to bed, read more of Anne of Green Gables on the ipodtouchreaderthingy and that was my evening.

Why cry?  Because of the hassle that I-t-B and the She-Ex have with each other.  Because inquests are only for dead people and this makes it official.  Because I'm tired, overwrought, and facing an uncertain future. Because with M-T-A I can cry - he doesn't love me, so he doesn't worry, he just accepts that right now I'm crying, and that's ok.  I know what I mean.

I could count on the fingers that stick out of my knees how many supportive comments I have had from the people who supposedly love Rich so much.  I would need to borrow fingers from the AC and others to count how many people have let me know they are thinking of us today, even WoW have been in touch.

But that's ok.

It's all stuff and money to the others, and it's a real friend to the latter.

I must go find the spray starch now, and get myself a stiff upper lip for today.

Later people.

1 comment:

Chef Penny said...

If it's 2 o'clock here in Florida then I know that it's past there. Just know that I am praying for you and thinking of you constantly. May the Lord give you peace that surpassses all understanding today! (((hugs)))))