Sunday, December 6, 2009

Slowly slowly.....

Slowly I am sorting through the clothes in the bedroom.  Slowly I am.  Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't.

Last night I had a conversation with the She-Ex.  We were talking about Christmases and stuff.

I sent....

2005 - you'd just taken BG, I'd split up from Si, Rich and I were getting to be together, but I had Christmas with my parents, and he had Christmas with Lee and Caroline, then we met up at mine in the evening, watched tv, and he cried himself to sleep over losing BG.  It was such an emotional day for us.  AC was 3.

2006 - AC was at his fathers in the morning, ours in the afternoon, and we had a lovely afternoon.  We went out for a walk to the park I think.

2007 - We were supposed to have Grandma and Grandad over, but Great Nana was too ill, so we had a quiet but fun Christmas here, then went to theirs on Boxing Day.  Rich built AC's garage with him, and they watched Finding Nemo.

2008 - Grandma and Grandad were here.  We had a tremendously fun day, and it's one of my favourite memories.  Rich and I talked in the evening, about how the next year was going to be so good, so different, so many changes.  It was, but not how he thought.

I hope his picture came through ok.  He's gorgeous, and so like Rich in so many ways.

This Christmas will be hard, but doable, for the sake of my gorgeous son.


The picture I sent was this one....

.... which was what I found when I went up to check on him last night.  She made no comment about the picture, which I think is amazing.  I can see the man in the boy, I can see the man Rich was helping him to be, and I know he is just as proud as I am of this gorgeous child.  It's a full size top that he sleeps in, and gets into when he's sad.

The answer I had from the She-Ex was.................


i am tired of the "I did better by richard than you did " spiel.

I know you are  hurting, I know this is hard for you,

but i am over the "we did this you had just done this, blah blah blah"

if you can't email me with out talking about how wonderful you made richards life
and how miserable i made it

i'm done


No mention of the picture, and I had no intention of saying how I did better than she did for him.  He was a different man with me, that's all. No one I've spoken to has a good word to say for any of his relationships before me, and they've all said how She-Ex and Mushroom Girl were the same, and how I am different.  Having met both of them, they are even physically the same, and I am so not like them.

So I left it.  I went to bed, having told her I had no intention of what she was accusing me of, and how I had no intention of sitting around so she could be nasty to me again and again, as she deliberately chooses to misinterpret what I say.  Maybe it's not deliberate.  Maybe it just seems that way.

But I know what I know.

I know AC and I went to church, even though I was feeling the effects of being ill - just tiredness though, and that's ok.  I know we went to town, and we bought magazines, and had lunch and he skated on the outdoor rink.  I know we came back here, laughing at how wet he was, and we built a base and we played and I tidied upstairs, and we had sausage mash and beans for tea.  I know the Morpheus might be back on my scene again.

I know it's all going to be ok.  I know I have to have faith in that.

And that's why, slowly, slowly, I am going through his clothes.

1 comment:

Chef Penny said...

Yeah, Sarah, sometimes people are going to misinterpret what we say regardless of how we say it. There's nothing we can do about that.

(((hugs)))) on going througth the clothes and the pic was beautiful.