It's early morning.
I have tea, I have work to do, I have work that won't get done, and I have a sleeping child upstairs. The house is in ok shape, nothing about an hour won't work through tonight to deal with everything. AC's memory box is by the door, ready to go to school to show to his Bereavement Group. He is the only one with a box, so the adults would like him to show as much as he is ready to show so that the other children can think about making one. He is excited, but nervous - what if he gets upset? He loves Rich - what if he forgets something? What if the other children laugh at what is in there?
I held him, and told him it would all be fine. That he might get upset, and that just means that he is in touch with how he feels, that it shows how much he loves Rich, that it's ok. That he might forget something, but if I does I am just in main building, and I can and will help. That no-one will laugh, and if they do, then we should be glad, because it means they don't know how sad the AC really is inside, and that means we are doing a good job. Game Face on baby!
The other exciting news is that we bought electric toothbrushes yesterday. I know. Rock and Roll. And I was bought perfume yesterday, by someone who had been abroad and come back. It's a Chanel one, called Chance. I felt special, that he would think of me whilst abroad. He knows the situation, he knows that the AC is the focus of my life right now, as he works through this, and that when he has (and I mean worked through this, not got over it, because no child ever truly gets over being separated from someone they love like this.) then there might be room for something more. But I won't be doing anything about it all anytime soon. He understands that, which is nice.
And so to work. Another half term starts. We're getting there.
Like I told my mother last night. We have 2 options. We can smile, or we can laugh. There's no room for anything else.