Saturday, April 16, 2011

So I've been up for an hour and......

.... I'm still not dressed.  Or showered.  Or any thing except here.

I can't find the list I saved of people in my blogher blog circle, although I know the fabulous Bod for Tea is on there, and no doubt she has a list somewhere.  She seems a very organised person.  Unlike moi.

The big computer is refusing to boot up.  This means I have lost access to all school stuff because I hadn't yet transferred it to the school laptop because I .........  haven't really.  No excuse.  More importantly, I have lost access to all my photographs.  Everything from since 2005.  I will get them back, I just can't get to them now.

I have to sort the AC's room today.  The experiment is over, he's not ready for complete control over his dominion, and so I will sort it today.  That and apparently T-Boy is coming on Monday.  I tried explaining to J how I feel about that, that I want him to come, that I love him being around, but that his temper tantrums and the fact he doesn't like me or respect me until a few days into the week makes me tired and apprehensive.  I think he's starting to get it.  The thing is, I can't hide anything on this face (and still the She-Ex claims we had an affair whilst she was still here lol!) and so he knows something is up.


And in other news.

Today is a year since J phoned me at 5ish to ask if he could come over.  He's never really gone back since.  And yes, a year ago tomorrow was 9 months since Rich died, and it was so significant because I lost our last baby just after his Celebrations, and I had a vague hope in the back of my mind - what if it was twins, and that was only one, and the other one is a hidden baby like my cousins, and what if.... well, you get the idea.
Anyway.  April 2010 is a remarkable month to read all in one go, because of the way that the desolation turns to hope.  Neither of us was expecting to ever feel this way, let alone be living together a year later.  There were times when we felt bad for our happiness - after all, without someone dying, and AC being left bereft, we wouldn't be this happy.  But then I remember that Rich always said he would be dead by 34, and he was.  Always.  From the day I met him.  Weird, but true.

SO anyway.  A year. *smiling*

Loving Rich's work with this one.  He always said he would never leave us alone.  We thought he'd be living here with us for a lifetime, but no.  But he and God, they kept their promises.  We are not alone, and the fatherless and the widow have been upheld.  Can't ask for more than that really.....

Today I must do college work, find the floor in the Adorable-but-messy Child's room, ice a cake with someone elses 6 year old, ice a cake for us, make tea, and generally be relaxed and chilled.  I have to!

With any luck, I'm also going to cut out some squares for a very simple quilt, in heavy material, for flying and going out and picnics and so on.  But if not, there's always next week!

1 comment:

maddydodo said...

I'm one of your comment group! If you want me to email you the rest of the group, just shout. There's always so much in your posts I find it hard to know what to respond to - you've been through such a lot. Glad things are so much better for you now than they were a year ago.