Sunday, June 26, 2011

Today it hurts

Today I am missing him so hard.

Last night I cried.  I looked at photos that a mate had put up on FB, of us all at Uni, in the days when I was going to marry Steve and live happily ever after.  I realised I had told Rich about these photos, but that my copy had gone astray, and so he had never seen them.  Suddenly I was overwhelmed with all the things I'll never see him see.  Most days I believe that he sees what he wants to see.  Too many things happen that are "co-incidence" for him not to be around.  But this ache to tell him something we'd laughed about, to hear him laugh when he looked at them, to hear him tell me I hadn't changed, suddenly got me last night, and I cried.  It's that best friend part of him that I miss.

And partly I cried because I loved the fact that J laughed, that he asked how old I was in these photos, that he told me I was sitting on the laps of lots of different lads (I hated the chairs in the Wall Hall Bar, and never sat on one if it could be avoided - and I also love hugs!)

Ah well.


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