Today I am missing him so hard.
Last night I cried. I looked at photos that a mate had put up on FB, of us all at Uni, in the days when I was going to marry Steve and live happily ever after. I realised I had told Rich about these photos, but that my copy had gone astray, and so he had never seen them. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with all the things I'll never see him see. Most days I believe that he sees what he wants to see. Too many things happen that are "co-incidence" for him not to be around. But this ache to tell him something we'd laughed about, to hear him laugh when he looked at them, to hear him tell me I hadn't changed, suddenly got me last night, and I cried. It's that best friend part of him that I miss.
And partly I cried because I loved the fact that J laughed, that he asked how old I was in these photos, that he told me I was sitting on the laps of lots of different lads (I hated the chairs in the Wall Hall Bar, and never sat on one if it could be avoided - and I also love hugs!)