Monday, January 21, 2013

Banging out....

I've banged out of Facebook for a while.

I've not seen it all day today, in fact, not since yesterday sometime, and I don't care.  I'm almost quite enjoying the break.

There are two reasons.  One is that something I put on there was taken out of context, reported to someone about whom it was not, and she's not happy with me.  One is that a relative of mine - not a close one - made a joke about Rich's death.  I don't need that, so I'm banging out.  If I was to stay on FB, I'd end up really having ago at this lad, and it's not really his fault - he's young, stupid, insensitive, we've all been there, all been that person.  He'll grow up, one day.  I just don't want to even be cyber near him at the moment.  I'll get over it.

However, having a day at home, and not looking at FB, has made me wonder why I do it - what am I missing?

Tonight, I'm missing the Scotty's World Record Rugby lads updating their progress.  I can catch up on that on twitter though.  And I do miss the rest of the Scotty's crowd.

Do I miss knowing about the minutiae of the lives of people I used to go to school with? Well, in some ways, yes.  I like to know they are ok, that they are happy.  It's.... a comfort.  I used to read their statuses after Rich died, and know that the world carried on and that in other places there were content families, making the best of what had happened, and living and loving in their own bubbles of joy.  It gave me hope that I would have my own bubble of joy again, because all of them are survivors of something.

Do I miss the endless suggestions for this game, or that game? No.  Nor do I want to tell the world when my birthday is and all that claptrap.  I don't want to send people gifts of wood or whatever to build enclosures for their outer-mongolian-ducks.  Or whatever people grow on Farmville.

Do I miss the photos of the family and my nieces and nephews? Yes. I like seeing the little things, the dressing up, the snowmen and all that jazz.

Interestingly, it is family that has driven me from FB, albeit through stupidity as opposed to malice, but it is family that will pull me back.  My blood family, and my Scotty family.  Let's face it, I've banged out before, and they were my parachute.  I'll miss them too much.

I'll be back, I know.  But.... not tonight.  J has spoken to my brother, was loving and supportive and my brother realised, I think, that this had really upset me, it wasn't just that I was being wrong over my school shutting, or whatever (and that's a whole nother post)

Partly, I'm cross with myself as well. I should be able to rise above this kind of thing.  We've just passed the 3 and a half years mark, (42 months and 4 days, if anyone is counting) and yet a simple remark gets me.  but then so do post mortems and body identifications on the tv, and snow, and tulips.  It's all ok though.

I'm just banging out for a bit.

I'll be back on there.  And I'm going to make an effort not to bang out of this either.

Laters people

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