*sigh*

It's just ticked over 0430. Why am I up? Jolly good question!

I've been awake since 4, and I didn't want to disturb R any more, so I came downstairs.

There never was a phonecall last night. No doubt there will be some spurious excuse as to why, and in all probability, blaming it on us LOL! Never mind. It's all rope, as they say!

I need to find some problems to solve today. Not international world problems, (although I already have an email in the box that I would love to reply to about the US not signing the Rights of the Child Act) but simple maths ones. We like problem solving, and after parents evenings yesterday and today, that's what we're going to do.

And the literacy will be some work on the Romans I think, ready to tell a Roman story next week. Probably the beginnings of Rome, or some such thing. Or something with the Gods in it. I'll find something!

Interesting money situation last night - until we realised that the cheque hadn't cleared from BG's late parcel, and so there was going to be money in the bank over the next week!

Giving to God?

Life is good, but every now and again we hit a flat spot. Now, as a Christian, I am then faced with a dilema. Is this a trial that God has sent me, and therefore I should accept what He is saying, or is this something that is here to encourage me to pray and lean on him. TBH, I almost always go for the second one. Prayer does work, as does giving it all to God.

It's a hard concept for a lot of people, and one which some people find easier than others. It comes down to, basically, trust. Do I trust that God has my best interests and those of my family at heart, do I believe that if I ask I will recieve if it is in my best interests, do I believe that I need His help and cannot do this alone?

Well, yes, yes and yes!

God has my best interests at heart because He is a kind and loving God. He loves me, He knows me, and ultimately everything points to us wanting to be together.

I know, (the Bible says so!) that if I ask i will recieve, if it is in my best interests. It's a bit like a parent who is saying "yes" sometimes, and "no" sometimes. It isn't good for us to have everything that we want. Anyone who is a parent knows that a child who has all the monetary rubbish that is available now has a greater chance of becoming a spoiled brat. So that's why sometimes it's a "no" or a "wait and see!"

I know, especially over the last few years, that I cannot do this alone and that I need to trust and depend on God, His understanding of me and the world, and His grace. Making the decision to get help in such a big way for R was a hard one, but He gave me the strength to do it and the understanding that it was the best thing for R. The fact that I bothered to try and get him help really meant a lot to R when he found out what had happened, and we weren't even together then.

The emotional rollercoaster that the Ex's send us on (or try to - we are becoming used to the antics now lol! They are to be expected almost!) is something that I could not do without recourse to prayer and to giving that part of my life to God. Lies and deceit are not something that either of us deal with well - hence the end of our marriages I suppose - but I gave that part of my life to God, and He gave me faith and He gave me R!

There are parts of my life that I struggle to give to God. For example, I know He has a plan for my life, but I find the issue of children difficult to let go. If I was asked, as Abraham was, to put my son on the sacrificial altar, I don't think I could.

So where is this rambling leading to? Nowhere really. I was just musing about God and giving when I was thinking.

I'm going to look for number problems. I'll probably post again later lol!