Stupid am!

This is stupid o'clock in the morning, even for me. It's around 2.30am and I can't sleep.

Not only that, but I can't say why I can't sleep, even on a blog read by people I don't know lol!

It's one of those times when life just wipes me out for a moment, and then I know I'll get back up and start again, just like I always do, but right now, it's the middle of the night, and I'm down here being upset because it'll get it out of the way before I have to see other people. R knows I'm upset, and is so supportive. It's amazing to feel that from someone in my life. I don't want the AC knowing I'm upset. He has other things to worry about at his age.

Being 5 should be, and is for the AC, about playing, building things, learning new things, and enjoying life. He bakes, he builds, he creates, he reads, he writes, he gets on with just *being*, which is a state I would love to spend time in, and will do in a couple of weeks! I don't want him knowing Mummy is tired by work and stressed by life in general, unless he can see a positive outcome to it. He knows Mummy and R both work hard, because working hard brings home the money that pays the bills, and he knows bills get paid before treats, because treats can be anything but bills are always there! And at 5, I think that's all he needs to know. He works for his pocket money (he unloads the dishwasher!) so that he learns early on that there is a reason to have a job and not just sit around on your backside all day claiming benefits.

He's a lovely boy. Just thinking about him, and the way he is with R, and the way *our* life is working out, just makes me smile! It's all the rest of the stuff that is not so good! Never mind.

I keep saying never mind, and mostly I don't, but sometimes I do. I think sometimes we all do.

Back to bed, to snuggle and at least lie there with a supportive dead weight wrapped around me whilst I ponder the problems of the age.