1) I did not get up today to find a dead field mouse in the front room, and then congratulate the cat, pop said field mouse into empty marg tub, then forget to put empty (but sealed) marg tub in the bin before leaving the house.
2) I did not then spend an hour working, save work onto my memory stick, and forget to take memory stick to work. Nope. Not me!
3) I did not walk to school, sneaking through the flats, pretending to be Anakin Skywalkers padwan. I did not threaten the child, otherwise known as Darth Sidious, with my invisible purple lightsaber, much to the delight of the builders in the flats.
4) I did not, on arriving at school and discovering I had left all the stuff at home, decide to sit down and have a cup of tea and ginger biscuits with the child to calm down.
5) I also did not lie to the children about the importance of SATs. I did not say that they are just for the teachers and the government make us do them.
I did not do all of those things by 9am. Nope. Not me.
And you should have seen the rest of the day!