Calm, calm calm....

... and I am calm.

Big prayers. Big cups of tea. Big cuddles from my Adorable Child.

At the end of the day, we live with our choices, and we live with her choices. She asked what we have to live with as "Apart from R not having BG, his life is pretty damned spiffy"

I cannot comprehend the question in so many ways. It's as if she equates BG on one side of some scales, with what we have on the other. As if, because we have a nice house, good secure jobs that we love, healthyish incomes, a beautiful son and cat and fish and car and so on, as if all that means that actually we go "Yeah, BG doesn't matter - I have new curtains!"

As if we could fill the hole left by stolen memories that can never, ever be made, with just stuff.

I sent an irritated email, and now I'm calm. She's sending banal emails about nothing, but no apology for the crassness of her statement, nothing that says "I'm sorry for being abusive for the last 2 days" (Actually, this was funny earlier, because she asked if I was "on the rag"! Now there's a trashy expression I haven't heard in years!)

I am stunned again by her inhumanity and self centred ness, as though it wouldn't occur to her that we would still miss BG after almost 4 years since he and BG lived together. I know how he feels about not living with the She-Ex, and it's not for me to comment on here, but he's happy now.

And so she carries on, as if nothing happened. She will never even see the problem.

More tea I think. Much more tea. How terribly English of me lol!