End of day 5

5 days.

It's not a lot. It feels like forever. There's a lot of stuff going on, a lot of planning and thinking and doing and so on.

I'm on my own again tonight, and I'm going to bed soon to try and get a whole nights sleep.

I cried in Tesco today. I walked in, we shopped, and I went to get a magazine, and there he was, on the front of the paper.

I knew he was on the front of the paper, (I have about 10 copies at home for various people) but to *see* it, in a shop, was worse.

I just....

I don't know.

I am just so tired of all of this. His brother and aunt were here today, and that was fine, but I'm done with seeing people now. I'm done with all of it. And this could go on for weeks.

And weeks

And weeks.

And for what feels like forever.

But the AC needs R, he loves R, R loves him, and he loves me just like I love him. We all loved each other with a strength and a passion which will keep me going forever. As was said to me today "You had the best years of his life, you made him happier than he had ever been, and he loved you more than he had ever loved anyone." And they were right.

love you R.