Monday, July 27, 2009

Wet day

Today is another wet day.

There has been no response from the She-Ex, and that's disappointing, but ok. To be honest, I don't expect she is going to want to keep in touch with me now that he is gone. It's a terrible shame, because I won't stop loving the BG, and I never disliked the She-Ex as a person, just her actions, but she has to live with those, not me, so it's ok. I just want both her and BG to have lovely lives, cherishing each other the way Rich cherished us.

I'm glad I didn't send what I wanted to send though, and just vented it out on here, because I don't want to upset her right now. Whatever her reasons, she's grieving too. Her tears say a lot for the way she felt about Rich, and explain a few things over the years.

Yesterday I tried to have conversation with someone, and just didn't want to. And that person is a good friend who just said "ok".

Yesterday I had long conversation with two friends, and they are both good friends, who just let me ramble on and listened and talked and are lovely.

James came to move the Rangy's yesterday, up to his place for a while whilst we decide what is done with them. He needs to come back with a winch and some tools. That's ok.

Mum and Dad and Hannah and Alan and the AC and I went to lunch at Pizza Hut. That was ok too. Then everyone came back here, and in the end Hannah sent me to bed for an hour whilst she watched the AC.

Church was amazing. So tearful, and I have a whole post for that. But so much support and love.

I looked at the finances last night. As long as I can feed and clothe the child and I on £2pcm it'll be ok. It's not like I can get another job or something though, but there are things I can do inside this one that might increase the income. I know that He will provide, and I have faith that He will. Rich provided such a lot though! There are places to cut back, and they will be cut. There aren't many, because we'd already been cutting back to keep the maintenance up. I know the She-Ex is resourceful though, and will just get another job if she needs to, and that'll bring the wages in for their household. I keep being told not to worry about the BG anymore, but of course I do - I can't turn off the love I feel for her like a tap just because her father has died.

Hopefully I'll see him today or tomorrow. Tomorrow would be best perhaps, but I want to go asap.

We'll see.

That's the way everything is right now.

We'll see.

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