Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Heebie Jeebies

I have them.

Last night I had a dream about the She-Ex which was awful, and I had one about the Family Picnic which was awful.

Those kinds of dreams I can live without.

No, really!

I don't often dream about the She-Ex, and even more rarely do I dream about her with the BG, but the BG was in this dream as well, looking small, and basically in the same age and condition she was when she left.

Rich and I had talked a couple of times, about the fact that her face was still imprinted on our minds, a small child, untidy hair and tear streaked face, being dragged away from her father. The She-Ex was crying too. I think she thought he'd say "Don't go!" but she'd made her decision, and he wanted her to take some responsibility for her own actions, instead of doing something and then blaming it on everyone else but herself. This one, there was no one else to blame. She chose to go, she chose to take the BG away, and now that little girl will never see her father again. That's a hell of a responsibility to take when she's older. Eventually, BG will ask what happened, and now there will be no other side to the story, it will just be the fabrications of her mother.

Maybe that's better. Maybe the lack of confusion will be better for her. No doubt I will be the Queen of All Evil, and that's ok, it'll give the She-Ex a scapegoat. But I always promised him she'd know the truth one day, and she will, somehow.

But that's the kind of heebie jeebies I have today.

Shower, then cup of tea, and see if they go!

1 comment:

Semi-Organized Mom said...

Just finished reading the posts since July 17. I'm so sorry! I wish I could walk over to your home and give you a huge hug. My prayers are with you and AC.