i feel

I am crumbling inside,
And as each day passes,
A part of me goes with it,
Seeking you,
Seeking where you are,
Seeking your touch.

I am fading on the outside,
The mask slips more and more,
The game face no longer plays,
The words of comfort to others
No longer trip from my tongue,
But tumble and fall and are swallowed
into the pit that spreads inside me,
Around me
Within me

Into the space that you have left,
As it spreads
As it absorbs
As it sucks in the world,
Like a black hole, consuming all matters.

The poison of others,
Dripped in
Thrown at me
Poured into my open wounds,
Deliberately
Callously
Unthinkingly
Stupidly
Burns, but keeps me alive,
Pains, but keeps me feeling.
Aches, but the truth hurts them more.

And I sit,
and there is a nothingness that I cannot describe,
that words cannot capture,
that time does not heal
and that others cannot fill.

There is,
Just
Me.