Monday, January 18, 2010

6 months +1

And there we go.

The morning after the night before.  And so on.

6 months ago, this was the post for the morning after the night before.

Today, I'm thinking about a lot of things.  I wrote on the blog for BG last night.  I didn't email and say I'd done it, because I'm not up to the answer I'll get from the She-Ex.  It would probably be fine, but on the off chance it wasn't, I didn't.  I'll let her know later.  Last time I emailed her I got told that family means something different to her, and that she doesn't just shut it off when it does something she doesn't like.  But that's what she did to Rich.  I guess family is only blood to her, and only her own blood at that.  It's an irrelevance anyway.  I know all I need to know about her family, I've read the things she's written, heard the words she's spoken, and love my family all the more for it.

Yesterday the AC raged and railed against God in a tantrum that lasted a good 5 minutes.  He doesn't understand why God did it, and doesn't see that God acts for a purpose - why would he?  He's 6.  At almost-35-years-young (!) I don't always get it.  I don't see why Rich was taken, but I see God's hand in the speed, in the lack of anyone else being injured, in the timing of it on the last day of term, in the existence of the nurse AT the scene so we knew he was dead immediately, if not before then, in the support of the RAF for me and their unhidden love for the AC.  That's where God was in all of this.  Rich is saved from arthritis, from the pain in his legs, from the She-Ex and her nastiness to him, (about whom my claustrophobic man once said he'd rather live in his 12x12 room than with her again), from so many things.

The small child who wants his Richard back doesn't care for all that right now though.  We went through his memory box, added some ID cards and things we had found and set aside (I have no idea where he keeps this box, I just know it's upstairs somewhere) and talked.  He got a piece of paper and wrote "The best stepdad in the world is Ritch" (sic) and put that in there as well.

It's a complicated day.

Today is a whole new day though, so I'm off to the shower.

1 comment:

Mon said...

Sometimes kids 'get' it and seem more resilient than us, and sometimes they feel it more acutely.

sigh, very sad, hugs to you both.